Is this ok or does it come off as cheap?

amother

Salmon

Thu, Sep 14 2017, 6:43 pm

We are good friends with another couple who is of similar financial means to us. Recently, the wife suggested we all go out together to the most expensive restaurant in town. And I mean REALLY expensive, like you'd be hard pressed to spend under $200 per person.

So knowing they really haven't got any more money than we do, I expressed surprise. I was like Expensive Fleish Place? Isn't that a bit out of range? And she said yeah it is but it's supposedly soooo amazing and we should totally try it and we can make it work if we order 1 appetizer for all of us to share and then each couple shares a main, and no drinks other than water and no dessert.

I feel uncomfortable with this. I mean, I know it's not technically wrong and it would be a great way to have the opportunity to enjoy Expensive Fleish Place, but I feel it would be so obvious what we're doing, the server won't be happy (after all, smaller bill means smaller tip) and we come off as cheap Jews. My friend sees nothing wrong, and again, there's nothing specific I can point to that's wrong, but it rubs me the wrong way. Thoughts?

33055

Thu, Sep 14 2017, 6:53 pm

Firstly, there are a lot of Jewish patrons, so I doubt anyone would think cheap Jews.

Second, order what you are comfortable with.

Often I only order an appetizer as my main when I am with DH. DH and I will share with our children because we don't eat a whole plate anyway. I do it because I hate waste. My daughter may eat only a quarter of a main plate.

OOTforlife

Thu, Sep 14 2017, 6:54 pm

I would be uncomfortable too. Also, some expensive restaurants will charge a minimum for each person, even if they don't order an entree. I learned this the hard way as a teenager when a few friends and I tried to do something similar to what your friend proposes.

Going to Fancy Place for lunch would probably be significantly cheaper than dinner, and you'd probably be able to try many of the same or similar fancy things while affording everyone a meal. That might be a good compromise option.

lavenderchimes

Thu, Sep 14 2017, 6:55 pm

I would totally do as your friend suggested-- but I would order two appetizers, and be sure to tip the waiter extra, so he doesn't feel like he got shorted. My Mom and I do this regularly at cheaper places, because we can't both eat a full meal anyway!

doctorima

Thu, Sep 14 2017, 7:16 pm

I understand your discomfort, but personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Obviously be respectful and don't sit there for hours tying up the table, and if it makes you feel better, go early or late when it's not so crowded, and make sure to give a respectful tip.

CDL

Thu, Sep 14 2017, 7:26 pm

Why don't you go just for dessert? Let them know when you make the reservation, and tell the server right away you'd just like dessert menus. I don't think that looks cheap, and the server doesn't need every table to order full meals. It's the nature of the job; some do and some don't.

amother

Saddlebrown

Thu, Sep 14 2017, 7:44 pm

I think it's fine. Just tip, like others have said.
But if you still are spending out of your means u shouldn't feel pressured to go.
I once had a get together with friends and I didn't realize that the restaurant they chose was crazy expensive. Turns out a very wealthy friend suggested it and everyone just went along. It was rediculous. Personally, I didn't think the food was that great.

MagentaYenta

Thu, Sep 14 2017, 7:52 pm

I think it looks cheap and is unfair to the business. If the usual tab is $200pp that would mean about $1k for a table of four with tip (not counting wine or cocktails). Perhaps the entire order for your table for 4 under the budget plan costs about $100. The house is losing on you and losing big.

I certainly wouldn't do it myself, but to each his own.

amother

Cerulean

Fri, Sep 15 2017, 12:06 am

What on earth is the big deal? If it's a booked night with people fighting for seats, then yes, I agree that just getting an appetizer could be cheap. But on a normal night when the table would otherwise be empty? They will gladly take your money and your tip even for just an appetizer and some drinks.

imasinger

Fri, Sep 15 2017, 6:39 am

I don't think it's cheap at all.

Maybe that shows what a cheapskate I am.

But IMO, if I go to a restaurant, it's to order what I want. I'm the customer. And if I want to share an entree with a friend or family member, that's my choice. I'm not eating there to take care of them. I'm eating there so they can take care of me.

Doesn't matter how cheap or expensive the place is.

Why should anyone have to break their budget to satisfy the possible expectations of the folks working in a restaurant? Sounds like insanity from here.

amother

Mauve

Fri, Sep 15 2017, 7:39 am

How is this different than going into an expensive shop just to buy that itty bitty scarf that enticed you and ignoring all the other merchandise?
Everything is for sale. You get to decide what to buy.

watergirl

Fri, Sep 15 2017, 7:50 am

imasinger wrote:

I agree - but just know (op) that many expensive restaurants charge a service fee per person to discourage dish sharing.

33055

Fri, Sep 15 2017, 7:55 am

lavenderchimes wrote:

I don't think the waiter needs an extra tip. With OP's plan dinner for 4 would be around $350. A $70 tip is plenty. I tip based on what order. I don't tip a lesser percent when ordering large. It is the same work for a waiter to bring me a salad as it is to bring DH a steak.

vicki

Fri, Sep 15 2017, 7:56 am

amother wrote:

I agree. Whatever is for sale, you're allowed to get.
If they really don't want your business they should say "minimum order xxx" or "must order one main per person" which would of course be silly.
And tip according to your order and satisfaction.

watergirl

Fri, Sep 15 2017, 7:58 am

Squishy wrote:

Except that $70 for a party of 4 in this place IS shorted. This dinner plan would cost $350 like you said, when it should in theory cost over $800. So the waiter would be shorted quite a bit. We dont tip them for the work they put in, carrying the food. We tip them for doing their job. Thats restaurant tipping culture.

watergirl

Fri, Sep 15 2017, 8:00 am

vicki wrote:

Have you never been to a place with a per person service charge, which counts towards your meal? Or a bar which counts towards your tab? Very common. They do this because they don't want people sitting in taking up the tables when other people could be coming and sitting at the tables and ordering more. I myself am guilty of this from my high school days, we would order a plate of nachos and sit and sit and sit. That particular restaurant instituted a per person service charge. Maybe because of us. I woke up!