Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
Help me not be judgmental



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
Silver


 

Post Fri, Sep 15 2017, 5:40 pm
Please do not curse me out for this post. I am writing it because I recognize this as a major flaw and am looking to better myself.

I don't know if judgmental is the right word. But when I see a family with a million little kids that are not particularly well mannered - running around, banging into things and me, etc - it completely irks me. My first thought is ugh they have a million kids and it just rubs me the wrong way. And I think what is wrong with me, I wish I could be more positive and I'm sure they are wonderful people, but I just can't internalize it. Intellectually I know it's wrong and that each one is a unique human being, but emotionally I'm just irked. And I don't want to be one of those people who feel that way!

Help!
Back to top

mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 15 2017, 5:53 pm
I don't have a lot of kids, and mine are always running around and bumping into things and into people, and acting wild...
Back to top

amother
Jade


 

Post Fri, Sep 15 2017, 6:07 pm
Reading your post makes me feel ugh and just irks me. My first thought is EW what a snob. Any tips to help me?

Now I don't have a lot of kids and they're still young so not bumping into everyone but when I do see that honestly I couldn't care less. I love kids, ALL kids, and bumping into ppl and being rowdy is often part of being a kid.
Back to top

amother
Silver


 

Post Fri, Sep 15 2017, 6:08 pm
Thanks. That's helpful. Rolling Eyes
Back to top

notshanarishona




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 15 2017, 6:12 pm
Maybe one step to not being judgement is offering help (giving makes u feel nice feelings). If u say a mother overwhelmed ask her if u can hold her groceries,etc.


Also, even only children are sometimes wild and out of control. Not that people don't sometimes have more than they can handle but to judge someone u see once is not right
Back to top

amother
Purple


 

Post Fri, Sep 15 2017, 6:15 pm
Op, seem to come from the generation of children should be seen, but not heard.
I don't know where you live, but here in the city, there is nowhere for them to play but indoors, or on narrow sidewalks. Of course they will bump into each other and whomever is around them. It's healthy and a normal part of growing up.
If these same kids grew up in a more rural area, they may be more "well mannered" indoors, because they have place to run around outside.
Does that make sense to you?
Back to top

Boca00




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 15 2017, 6:24 pm
I have an aunt with 12 of the most well-mannered children I know (mostly boys). So number of kids doesn't really mean much, its a very individual thing.
Back to top

DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Sep 16 2017, 2:50 pm
I do sometimes wonder, when I see a large household with, say, 10 ill-mannered, minimally supervised, and totally out-of-control children, "How is it that they decided to have 10 children, when it appears they were clearly overwhelmed at 5 or 6?"

But I suppose there are various reasons. Social pressure, restrictions on birth control, different concepts of what is considered good parenting, etc.

I'm sure many Japanese parents look at Israeli families (where the children are typically more plentiful and boisterous than in Japanese families) and think (in Japanese), "Oy! What a baligan!"
Back to top

amother
Babypink


 

Post Sat, Sep 16 2017, 8:06 pm
I feel that way too sometimes, especially when I'm in a restaurant and someone's [unsupervised] kids are running around and screaming while the parents don't seem bothered that other customers are disturbed. I try to remind myself that I don't know what their kids' issues are, and if I were in their place I wouldn't want other people to judge my parenting skills for what could be just a singular bad day. Easier said than done, though.
Back to top

amother
Powderblue


 

Post Sat, Sep 16 2017, 9:52 pm
There is a very simple answer to your judgemental but very human response (which of us is never judgemental?): when you see a bunch of wild, unruly children - bless them, pray for them. Silently bless them with health, joy, good friends, success in school, the right marriage partners, future parnassah, etc.

The spiritual reason for this is - when you judge others, you are actually arousing judgement on yourself! Tehillim states "Hashem tzilcha" - "Hashem is your shadow" - how you perceive yourself and others in your private thoughts will be mirrored in your outer existence. So when you catch yourself thinking poorly of others, reverse your thoughts by bentching them with everything YOU want.

Try it, the act of connecting to your higher self through prayer will really ease those bitter, judgemental thoughts you want to get rid of. Extremely timely discussion, as Rosh Hashana is coming, and may our shuls be blessed to be full of beautiful, wild Jewish children!
Back to top

amother
Silver


 

Post Sat, Sep 16 2017, 10:02 pm
Thank you to those with helpful advice as I really am looking to better myself. I love your ideas. I had actually decided over shabbos I was not going to come back to read the responses because of one of the first responses which was very nasty. I specifically requested not to be put down for this as I recognize the "snobbiness" as a flaw that I am constantly trying to change. We all have flaws and our job is to work on ourselves - that's why we're on this world. But I'm glad I had the courage to click on it in the hope there might be some kinder responses - so thank you to the kind posters, and no thank you to the nasty one.
Back to top

amother
Ivory


 

Post Sat, Sep 16 2017, 11:22 pm
I understand what you mean, but I just wanted to add I guess similar to another poster, I have 3 kids and oh my gosh they are wild, a neighbor knocked on my door today and said my son beat him up...
So do u want to tell me I should have had only one kid?
Back to top

southernbubby




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 17 2017, 12:55 am
amother wrote:
Thank you to those with helpful advice as I really am looking to better myself. I love your ideas. I had actually decided over shabbos I was not going to come back to read the responses because of one of the first responses which was very nasty. I specifically requested not to be put down for this as I recognize the "snobbiness" as a flaw that I am constantly trying to change. We all have flaws and our job is to work on ourselves - that's why we're on this world. But I'm glad I had the courage to click on it in the hope there might be some kinder responses - so thank you to the kind posters, and no thank you to the nasty one.


You are doing fine OP and I admire you for trying to change yourself. It is hard to raise children today because families used to have several generations in one house so there were more hands on deck and today's parents are struggling to go it alone while trying to stay afloat financially. We also have more distractions today so we are not giving our children the attention that parents maybe did in the past when they had to teach their children all types of practical skills. Kids need attention or they do go wild.
Back to top
Page 1 of 1 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette