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S/o Do you and your husband go through each others phones?
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LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 29 2017, 5:38 am
I agree with amother. In theory I would be okay... But realistically it's weird to want to listen in to all of your calls. He hears most of my calls anyway, at least my end of it. But yes it would be weird if he wanted to call in and hear the entire conversation. It's like looking at me naked through a keyhole....

It kinda of seems obsessive almost. Going through your phone or mail is not obbsesive. It's entertainment mostly. If I'm bored and he's driving I'll look through his phone. It's interesting to see his correspondence etc. If the mail comes and there's something for him I'm curious. I want to see.

That's no obbsesive. Now if I wanted to see all his mail all the time and would obbsess over everytime he got something or if I asked for his phone multiple times a day and kept up with all his messages and emails that would be obbsesive
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mommyhood




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 29 2017, 6:20 am
We will both occasionally flip through each others phones. It's always in each others presence, has nothing to do with trust, and it's mostly to look at whatsapp since we're in different groups. I also look at his email to see what the shul sent out and he looks at my pictures to see the kids. We don't look at or open texts or emails from friends unless there's something specific we want to share.
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zohar




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 29 2017, 6:30 am
mommyhood wrote:
We will both occasionally flip through each others phones. It's always in each others presence, has nothing to do with trust, and it's mostly to look at whatsapp since we're in different groups. I also look at his email to see what the shul sent out and he looks at my pictures to see the kids. We don't look at or open texts or emails from friends unless there's something specific we want to share.


Same here. Nothing to do with trust. We're just chilled about it. In the evening we often swap phones so he can check out a few blogs and Twitter that he can't do on his own phone because of his filter. I check out his WhatsApp shul group etc. Never private messages, although I can see who he messaged.
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Boca00




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 29 2017, 6:32 am
amother wrote:
I used to sound like all of you. Its private. Its his space etc
Until he refuses to give me the phone to make an urgent call on the groinds of "its My space"
And then it all unravelled to the numeeous women in his life.
Suffice it to say Our marriage is over.


Wish there was a (real, sincere) hug button here!
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Boca00




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 29 2017, 6:46 am
Question for all of you couples who do go through each others phones:

If I would tell you something personal or private in a phone call or in person, will you tell your husband that too? Or he just knows what I text you?
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amother
Azure


 

Post Fri, Sep 29 2017, 6:51 am
Boca00 wrote:
Question for all of you couples who do go through each others phones:

If I would tell you something personal or private in a phone call or in person, will you tell your husband that too? Or he just knows what I text you?


I share everything...we don't keep secrets from one another.
..
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cnc




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 29 2017, 7:24 am
Boca00 wrote:
Question for all of you couples who do go through each others phones:

If I would tell you something personal or private in a phone call or in person, will you tell your husband that too? Or he just knows what I text you?


I don't routinely go through my husband's phone. I'm busy enough to barely manage my own. Unless specifically told not to mention something to my husband, I probably will. When I tell friends , I keep in mind and am aware that they will most likely share it with their husbands.
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 29 2017, 7:50 am
We occasionally look at each others phones but any private texts I receive, I delete right after the conversation ends. My friends dont need that hanging out for anyone to see by accident. I am pretty careful to lock my phone but Im not perfect.

As for myself, I prefer not to talk about that kind of stuff via text. I would rather call a friend or talk in person.
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amother
Tangerine


 

Post Fri, Sep 29 2017, 7:50 am
LovesHashem wrote:
I agree with amother. In theory I would be okay... But realistically it's weird to want to listen in to all of your calls. He hears most of my calls anyway, at least my end of it. But yes it would be weird if he wanted to call in and hear the entire conversation. It's like looking at me naked through a keyhole....

It kinda of seems obsessive almost. Going through your phone or mail is not obbsesive. It's entertainment mostly. If I'm bored and he's driving I'll look through his phone. It's interesting to see his correspondence etc. If the mail comes and there's something for him I'm curious. I want to see.

That's no obbsesive. Now if I wanted to see all his mail all the time and would obbsess over everytime he got something or if I asked for his phone multiple times a day and kept up with all his messages and emails that would be obbsesive


Both behaviors are stalkery and obsessive. If you want to hear about your dhs day talk to him. If you want entertainment read your own phone.
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 29 2017, 7:51 am
Boca00 wrote:
Question for all of you couples who do go through each others phones:

If I would tell you something personal or private in a phone call or in person, will you tell your husband that too? Or he just knows what I text you?

We don't go through each other's phones but we do share most things with each other but I will not tell my husband something related to a friend's sx life or reproductive health/ niddah etc
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squirrel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 29 2017, 9:00 am
Another shocker here, we both have nothing to hide and will pick up each others phones here and there for entertainment a good clip ect. I wouldnt want it any other way and glad dh and I are very much on the same page.
I share everything with him and yes if I find out personal info such as a friend diagnosed or such I share it with my dh because he is my support and we discuss almost everything.
My friends know dh and I are close and we dont spread gossip.
My friends will share their early pregnancy news and I let him know as well. Is that so unusual? I dont like keeping anything from him.
I am actually surprised at how many of you need that much space and privacy, its perfectly okay but there are also other styles of marriage that are okay too. So long as youre both in agreement.
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Boca00




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 29 2017, 9:03 am
amother wrote:
I share everything...we don't keep secrets from one another.
..


I don't keep my secrets from my husband. But your secrets? Not mine to share.

Obviously I don't care if your husband knows I borrowed eggs or am going away for Sukkos. But if I confided in you that I had a hard day or I'm going through a sticky situation, or I asked your advice about a personal problem, I wouldn't expect you to share that with anyone, not even your husband!

And I would respect you the same way. If I am ever not sure if you would want me to share something with my husband, I ask!
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MagentaYenta




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 29 2017, 9:05 am
amother wrote:
I share everything...we don't keep secrets from one another.
..


I do hope your friends that may be texting you are aware their convos are not private. I don't quite understand why your husband needs to know the personal convos you have with your friends but I would feel violated if one of my friends shared my private convos with their husband.
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Water Stones




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 29 2017, 9:46 am
We don't go through each other's phones. We just never thought about doing it. I guess we're just not interested in it.
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ValleyMom




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 29 2017, 9:49 am
No.

It is So disrespectful on so many levels...

Where is the honesty and trust in marriage????
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Fri, Sep 29 2017, 10:20 am
ValleyMom wrote:
No.

It is So disrespectful on so many levels...

Where is the honesty and trust in marriage????


It is in not hiding your phone
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SixOfWands




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 29 2017, 10:35 am
MagentaYenta wrote:
I do hope your friends that may be texting you are aware their convos are not private. I don't quite understand why your husband needs to know the personal convos you have with your friends but I would feel violated if one of my friends shared my private convos with their husband.


Occasionally a friend will tell me something, and tell me its confidential. If its something I would ordinarily share with DH, I ask if that's OK, and respect the response.

People who read their spouse's phone data seem to think that makes them more open with one another. I don't agree. DH and I talk about our days. I don't need to read things on his phone.

Now, of course, there are times we do read certain messages sent to the other. A friend recently had a health scare, and wanted my brother's opinion. I read the exchange between DH and bro, at DH's suggestion, since they didn't copy me. I'll also forward DH photos of the kids, or messages from their teachers.

But never anything personal. I mean, a bunch of us recently had a discussion about the best place to get mammograms and internal ultrasounds. Does anyone really want their friends' husbands reading about that????
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amother
cornflower


 

Post Fri, Sep 29 2017, 10:36 am
We look through each other's phones when we are bored. We don't hide anything from each other and we know every detail of each other's days. My husband is literally my best friend and we tell each other everything.
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SixOfWands




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 29 2017, 10:38 am
amother wrote:
It is in not hiding your phone


I don't hide my phone. Neither does my husband. But we also don't feel the need to go digging through each other's emails and texts and conversations.

Its an oxymoron. If I had to read through that to trust my husband, then clearly there is no trust to be had in any case.
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MagentaYenta




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 29 2017, 10:41 am
SixOfWands wrote:
...
People who read their spouse's phone data seem to think that makes them more open with one another. I don't agree. DH and I talk about our days. I don't need to read things on his phone....


How sensible. I was having difficulty understanding why someone would be reviewing their spouses phone/text/social media postings to find out what they've been doing with their lives when they can just talk to them.

I'll let you in on a secret, that's what we did long before cell phones and the internet.
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