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Rules - PM



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amother
Babypink


 

Post Tue, Oct 31 2017, 6:00 pm
What are the rules for private messaging a member?
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ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 31 2017, 6:04 pm
Just to be cautious and careful Smile
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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 31 2017, 6:08 pm
Never pm someone in the intimacy section unless they are an established member. And even then, dont divulge intimate information.
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doctorima




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 31 2017, 6:10 pm
I don't think there are any. No harassing, no inappropriately soliciting or sharing personal info, and use common sense. That should cover it.
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amother
Babypink


 

Post Tue, Oct 31 2017, 6:11 pm
I admire am member and she is an established poster, I would like her take on some things...
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amother
Royalblue


 

Post Tue, Oct 31 2017, 6:15 pm
amother wrote:
I admire am member and she is an established poster, I would like her take on some things...

Btdt!
Go for it!
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Seas




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 31 2017, 6:20 pm
watergirl wrote:
Never pm someone in the intimacy section unless they are an established member. And even then, dont divulge intimate information.


Sounds like sound advice...until one remembers how much info is readily shared on the open forums.
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amother
Magenta


 

Post Tue, Oct 31 2017, 6:49 pm
Seas wrote:
Sounds like sound advice...until one remembers how much info is readily shared on the open forums.

Except with PM's, if you're dealing with a pervert or dangerous person they'll feel more embolded to act inappropriately, get off, or push you to give private information than in public on an open forum.
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Fox




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 31 2017, 7:17 pm
It's the same for all on-line relationships -- and really, IMHO, IRL relationships, too.

Someone you meet -- whether online, at the neighborhood park, or sitting beside you at shul -- is not your mother, father, therapist, rav, doctor, child, teacher, fill-in-the-blank. No matter how simpatico your new friend seems to be, she should not be putting herself in any of those roles or attempting to put you in those roles.

If you happen to have hit a rough patch in life and you find someone who truly understands, it can be easy to let those boundaries blur a bit. At best, this will ultimately lead to a fractured friendship, and at worst, it will plunge you into an even more complex and difficult place.

I've made lots of wonderful friends through Imamother and elsewhere. I don't consider them any less "real" just because our interactions take place primarily online. But you exercise the same caution and behavioral standards you would in real life. Friendships must develop organically, over time, and if someone attempts to short-circuit that process, it's usually a bad sign.
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amother
Orchid


 

Post Tue, Oct 31 2017, 7:21 pm
amother wrote:
I admire am member and she is an established poster, I would like her take on some things...


unfortunately some of us here are very wary to do that. There was an unfortunate issue here on imamother once - until a couple of years ago, there was a long established poster who I am sure some people pm'd for life advice, because of the way she seemed to always have good advice. Unfortunately it was discovered after some years of her being on imamother that she had misrepresented herself significantly, and she really was not who she had always said she was. It was very hard for many posters to realize that.
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Fox




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 31 2017, 7:47 pm
amother wrote:
There was an unfortunate issue here on imamother once - until a couple of years ago, there was a long established poster who I am sure some people pm'd for life advice, because of the way she seemed to always have good advice. Unfortunately it was discovered after some years of her being on imamother that she had misrepresented herself significantly, and she really was not who she had always said she was.

I think a lot of us had this incident in mind.

It's one thing to PM someone because, based on her online persona, you'd like to discuss a mutual interest, share your thoughts, or even get her feedback on something. It's another thing completely if you take at face value any qualifications or special knowledge she claims to have.

It's the difference between meeting someone at Mommy-and-Me and commiserating over how difficult it can be to lose weight and even sharing tips or tricks to make it easier . . . and meeting someone who says, "I'm a nutritionist, and out of the goodness of my heart, I'll come up with a nutrition plan that help you achieve your goal. Just listen to me."

Someone using a social relationship to insert herself into your life in a professional role is not behaving ethically, and that's a bad sign whether you are looking for a friend or a professional.
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amother
Babypink


 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 8:20 am
Thanks all of u!!!
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