"The food is decent"

amother

Denim

Wed, Nov 01 2017, 6:54 pm

Would you take that as a compliment? is it an insult?

Tonight my dinner my husband said the food was decent. He uses the word decent all the time, "you look decent" "you're a decent cook" "it was decent"
Its a good thing my self esteem is strong and his comments just go right over me, but I am wondering what others opinions are, so please share what you think!

(I don't take it as an insult because I don't really care if he thinks I am a good cook (my children always compliment and say thank you) but I do find it strange. Don't people use the word decent when they are describing something that is just right above 'bad'. for example "the hotel wasn't anything great, but it was decent".

MagentaYenta

Wed, Nov 01 2017, 6:56 pm

Decent to me means edible,not toxic but you can eat it without hurling.

I suggest you download a thesaurus ap for his phone and he can use it to expand his vocabulary.

amother

Blush

Wed, Nov 01 2017, 6:57 pm

I would show him the word "decent" in the dictionary and ask if that's really what he means. He may simply have misunderstood the word. He may not realize that it's a synonym for "okay."

It's not quite an insult, but neither is it a compliment.

amother

Olive

Wed, Nov 01 2017, 7:00 pm

where did your dh grow up? in some countries in the world and in some homes, there are people who use 'decent' as a mild compliment. look into that

amother

Bronze

Wed, Nov 01 2017, 7:01 pm

I’m pretty sure it could be slang for really good.

https://www.urbandictionary.co.....ecent

Ask him what he means?

amother

Dodgerblue

Wed, Nov 01 2017, 7:01 pm

I would be insulted. Good for you that you let it go over your head!
Next time I would say "I think you meant it was 'delicious'"

Boca00

Wed, Nov 01 2017, 7:04 pm

He definitely doesn't mean to insult you, he just doesn't quite get it. Show him what words you want him to use.

I have a relative who uses the word "fine" in the same context that your DH uses the word "decent". As in "the soup was fine, the shiur was fine" etc. I don't think he realizes it can be insulting, though we all know this about him and don't get insulted.

It doesn't mean he didn't like whatever, or he doesn't like you... The only thing it means is that he is misusing the word, and doesn't understand that you need more effusive and descriptive compliments.

Raw

Wed, Nov 01 2017, 7:05 pm

With the right tone, decent can also be somewhat complimentary. “The wedding food was surprisingly tasty and the portions were very decent.”

Boca00

Wed, Nov 01 2017, 7:07 pm

Raw wrote:

With the right tone, decent can also be somewhat complimentary. “The wedding food was surprisingly tasty and the portions were very decent.”

Yes, but "decent" is very different than "very decent".

Rachel Shira

Wed, Nov 01 2017, 7:07 pm

I would be insulted. But if he says it all the time, and is a nice person in general, I agree with the above posters that maybe he doesn't really know what it means.

amother

Denim

Wed, Nov 01 2017, 7:18 pm

OP here. I actually did say "I prepare a hot meal for you each night, you mean delicious, right?"
and he took out his phone and googled 'decent' and said that decent is like saying 'fine, okay, acceptable and he doesn't change his answer. He said good (and beyond) would be like a 3 course nice meal, restaurant quality....and being that its not, its simply decent

Rachel Shira

Wed, Nov 01 2017, 7:33 pm

I believe any home cooked meal that's not burnt to a crisp deserves a "delicious," "yummy," or at least a "this is good, thank you honey."

simba

Wed, Nov 01 2017, 7:35 pm

amother wrote:

Not nice!

amother

Blush

Wed, Nov 01 2017, 7:44 pm

amother wrote:

Perhaps you can convince him to have two different quality scales - one for home, one for restaurants. The same way the Emmys don't compare the bigger films to the smaller ones.

He is being honest, but the comparisons aren't really fair.

dancingqueen

Wed, Nov 01 2017, 7:53 pm

He is either kind of mean and withholding or he is just a man who doesn’t get so excited about things and is factual and honest to a fault.

amother

Sapphire

Wed, Nov 01 2017, 8:27 pm

Rachel Shira wrote:

I believe any home cooked meal that's not burnt to a crisp deserves a "delicious," "yummy," or at least a "this is good, thank you honey."

This.
Your dh is a spoiled brat IMHO. Besides, do you ask him to rate your food? Why can’t he just say thank you and leave it at that?

I suggest you rate his, ah, marital performance. Tell him it was “decent”.

(No, don’t. He may deserve the payback but I don’t want to be responsible for the destruction of your SB. )

notshanarishona

Wed, Nov 01 2017, 9:29 pm

I would take it as a neutral. Not a compliment or an insult.
I would say to him it really hurts my feelings when you comment in such a blah way. Please appreciate my effort in making this meal. Compliments that would make me feel good include: delicious, yummy, etc.

Seas

Wed, Nov 01 2017, 9:40 pm

amother wrote:

Then why the heck did you write what you did? Do you not realize there is a person on the other side who is now walking around with your toxic words in her head?

etky

Thu, Nov 02 2017, 1:41 am

It's the epitome of the expression 'damned with faint praise'.
This was posted is in manners and etiquette but I think it's real place is in the shalom bayit forum.
From what you've written OP, there seems to be withholding going on here, as dancingqueen suggested.