How come people don't care about being fat?

amother

Cerulean

Thu, Nov 09 2017, 9:50 pm

I have always been pretty conscious about my looks and weight. That said, looks alone weren't enough to get me to eat right after I gained tons of weight with each of my pregnancies, leaving me 40 lbs overweight.
What got me to change was when I realized the choices I was making was affecting my health. After my last pregnancy I developed a bunch of medical issues and was on tons of medication. Finally I buckled down, went to a nutritionist and alternative medicine person. I lost all the weight by eating plenty of nutritious food and no junk. I started exercising every day. Every. Single. One. of my medical issues disappeared from diet and exercise alone. I am now off of all of my meds. I greatly enjoy having my body this way, and the new clothes that comes with it. But no matter how many diets I tried in the past, when it was only for the looks I couldn't get myself to be consistent.

amother

White

Thu, Nov 09 2017, 10:05 pm

I think that people make are making a huge and sometimes erroneous assumption if they believe that all women who are overweight are eating donuts and junk food. I know plenty of people who eat junk food all day and are thin, and plenty of people who are very careful with what they eat and they are still overweight.

I know that I have to really struggle to stay a normal weight. I eat healthy - mostly whole grains, vegetables and proteins, with the occasional dessert or cookie - but I am always hungry and it is hard to be constantly dieting.

I recently gained a lot of weight in my last few pregnancies, and this was not in my control at all, as I did not really over-eat, it just happened. And I'm finding that I just don't have the time or energy to count the calories and do the amount of exercise I would need to lose the weight.

Bottom line, please don't judge anybody, you don't know anything about another woman's diet or struggles, at all.

amother

Hotpink

Thu, Nov 09 2017, 10:05 pm

amother wrote:

Don't make it sound simple because it is not. Although it should just be that if we "diet" and "exercise", we lose weight, but that is not the reality for everyone. Why? because people's bodies don't always work the way it should either bc they have metabolic issues or other issues that they can't control. In addition, some people are too overwhelmed with working full time and being full time mom/spouse/ housekeeper/cook.... that they have no time left to exercise every day. In order to lose weight, one can't just walk, but one needs time to do rigorous exercise for enough time every day. But, a lot of women put their children and spouses first, if not, their kids will not have everything they need. Our husbands and society expects a lot from us, so how would women have enough time to really focus on proper eating and exercise? People who work part time or have hired help may not understand how frustrating it is not to even be able to have enough time for going to the gym every day. Show some sympathy.

This!! I am maybe about 10-15 pounds overweight. I try to eat reasonably and I certainly wish I was thinner. But I have so much stress in my life and so many things that are more important to me that I let this slide to an extent. I am not stuffing my face with junk. But if it is late an night and I am exhausted and hungry and trying to muster up the energy to finish what I have to do that night, and what I feel like eating is a few cookies, then that it what I will eat. Will it bother me? Perhaps. But not as much as many of the other stressors in my life.

ETA: I don't function well when I am hungry, and am prone to migraines. So, when I am getting hungry, I eat something. I don't always have the time, energy, or presence of mind to think too much about what food that will be, and I don't feel I can handle dieting and being hungry when I am barley holding things together as it is.

HeartyAppetite

Thu, Nov 09 2017, 10:08 pm

Because some people have problems with compulsive eating. Food is like an addiction for them, the same way alcohol is an addiction for others. They could hate the way they feel and look, but the addiction isn’t letting them have self control.
Food addiction is actually harder to Cure than drug addiction. Since with drugs you could avoid them all your life, but you are constantly surrounded by food, and you need food to survive.
That’s why there are group like overeaters anonymous, just like alcohol anonymous.

Kiwi13

Thu, Nov 09 2017, 10:08 pm

Well I can only speak for myself, not “people,” so...

I’m currently very overweight, technically obese. I eat what I want, when I want. I generally don’t stuff myself, but I also don’t choose vegetables for every snack. To me, it’s more important to indulge some cravings, even overeat now and then, than to avoid and burn every calorie I can. Kind of the same way I feel about finances - I’ll happily make a silly impulse purchase every now and then rather than save up the $2 I want to spend on whatever little trinket I found. I don’t want to feel deprived. I prefer happiness to hoarding money and I prefer happiness to being as thin as I possibly can.

That said, of course health is important. But first of all, health comes in many shapes and sizes. Second of all, yes, my weight does bother me. A lot, actually. But after years and years of fighting an uphill (and frankly pointless) battle with my weight, I learned to accept my body for what it is, what it does, what it looks like. It’s an ongoing process. Many people, myself included, have “tried everything,” and legitimately cannot get to a “socially acceptable” (not going to say “healthy”) weight. In my case because of certain medications, and it was more important for my health to take those medications even despite the weight gain. Others have medical conditions or disabilities or any number of other real reasons that their weight is higher than you might think it should be. Many people are simply healthier at higher weights. That’s their body type and it works for them.

I still try to be healthy, make balanced food choices, and stay active. But I accept that even if I’m at a healthy place, my body still may not look the part. Maybe yes, maybe no... but the number on the scale or the size of my clothing cannot be the goal. That is not an accurate measurement of health, of motivation, of worth.

For the record, I say all of this as someone who struggled for many years with anorexia, and who BH is now in recovery for more than 10 years.

Emotional

Thu, Nov 09 2017, 10:26 pm

Maya wrote:

I guess the answer is that not everyone is as weight and body conscious as you are?

Or as shallow and judgemental.
I'm ashamed to say that I'm a size 22. Do you know it's been many years since I've touched a doughnut, a cookie, a piece of cake? A combination diagnosis of hypothyroidism and adrenal insufficiency, among other issues, has made my metabolism so sluggish that, in the words of my doctor, "a cucumber would make you gain weight". I'm seeing a therapist now to help me change my self-loathing into self-acceptance. It's really, really tough hanging out in a world of judgemental, self-righteous people and keeping my dignity intact.

tichellady

Thu, Nov 09 2017, 10:30 pm

Wow people are being so harsh on the op. Obviously there are people who want to lose weight and can’t, no matter how hard they try, but there are also plenty of people who choose not to diet or worry about weight for all sorts of reasons ( they like their curves, it’s too triggering to diet, they believe listening to their body’s eating cues is healthiest, they feel that being large is part of their personality, they have too many issues to deal with that are more pressing ).

simcha2

Thu, Nov 09 2017, 10:42 pm

I was always average weight until I had kids. Now I'm heavier. A few years ago I went in a concerted effort to lose the weight. I lost 50 pounds, but I was miserable. Every day I spent huge amounts of mental energy counting calories, thinking when/what/how to eat, when to exercise. I realised it was making me obsessed by food and my looks.

DH loves/desires me at every size, I realised I need to love me at every size. I believe that Hashem makes everyone in His image, that image doesn't have to be a size 2!

I realised that the lessons I was passing on to my children (and especially my daughters) was one of only being/feeling worthwhile if one obsessed over every morsel. I decided instead to chose self love. I am happy, and happy with myself, at any weight.

I choose not to spend my mental energy on working out how many almonds are 100 calories. I choose not to weigh my cereal in the morning. I choose being overweight and loving myself. I choose to let my dh love and desire me regardless of my dress size. I choose to accept me.

amother

Lawngreen

Thu, Nov 09 2017, 11:03 pm

My dad started encouraging me to diet when I was 8. He said I was fat. If I ate anything remotely unhealthy (like flavored yogurt, fruit juice, or beef) in front of him, he'd give me a look and make comments. Rather unsurprisingly, I've never exactly had a healthy relationship with food. I ended up sneaking food into my room to eat a lot of the time (and junk food is way easier to sneak), because I just could not deal with the dinner table comments. I still get weird about eating dessert in public, because I know people can be judgemental, and it's just ridiculously difficult for me to deal with that. I spent a lot of time as a teenager not eating nearly enough, and still never got as thin as my parents wanted. I was a healthy weight according to my doctor, but never looked slim.

I cannot get hardcore about dieting, because it either makes me depressed or makes me stop eating entirely. And then I end up a total wreck. I've been trying to focus on eating healthy, because focus on that instead of weight loss is much better for me emotionally, but I still have totally failed to maintain a decent weight. I think part of this is that I'm still kind of afraid to eat all too often, but then I get hungry and go for whatever is easy.

I also think people tend to either eat too much or stop eating entirely when stressed. I'm a stress eater. My husband is a stress not-eater (which isn't so great either).

Either way, DH is always loving and supportive regardless of my weight. Which helps me not obsess over it.

onlyone

Thu, Nov 09 2017, 11:10 pm

I rarely post, or respond to posts, but I felt compelled to this time. I know that I am overweight, and have been for quite a while now, but I dont feel fat. I look in the mirror and like how I look, I like my really big 36 DDD breasts, and my curves. My stomach is very big but it doesnt really bother me. I am around 45-50 ibs overweight. And yes, I love chocolate, and cookies and cake. My husband loves how I look as well. So I dont care about being "fat" because I dont feel like I am. I like myself the way I am, and I am not very body conscious.

amother

Beige

Thu, Nov 09 2017, 11:17 pm

Wow... way to hide when you bash people, OP.

I’ve been fat since I was a child. I don’t want to call myself a food addict, but eating makes me happy, working out doesn’t. But I wish I had that slim figure- I hate plus sizes. I hate being out of breath. I hate feeling like my kids could be embarrassed by my 220 lb size. According to the doctors, I have no underlying conditions to explain my weight. I just like food and laziness.

But OP, my nameless friend, I decided to make a difference! I joined a gym! I have been busting my fat butt, minimum 3 times a week in aerobic classes (this week I’m doing 5). Treadmills, some machines to tone up. I would push through the CONSTANT back/ hip pain and get into shape!

I switched out my bagels/ donuts/ muffins for a 190 cal protein bar. I’m trying quinoa instead of pasta! My late night cookies/ candy are now a cheese stick or handful of nuts. And after 3 months, you wouldn’t believe how much weight I’ve dropped!

1.5 LBS!!! No, that’s not fifteen. It’s “ONE. POINT. FIVE. POUNDS.” One and a half pounds. 3.3 kilograms.

I’m still out of breath. My clothes still feel about the same. My back still hurts me EVERY DAY. So what’s the big difference between old me and new me? I might kill someone for a donut!

So please.... Rethink your “I’m not judging you but you should try not to be fat” mentality. You are not Hashem. You have no right to judge the actions of others. Because it’s not always a matter of loving your body more than a candy. And those of us that work hard just see it as hurtful.

amother

Natural

Thu, Nov 09 2017, 11:26 pm

amother wrote:

So I just wonder if before you become too heavy, is it a conscious choice that you choose food over looking good? Or do you just not realize until it's too late and and by then you've already gained so much more than you ever expected that you can't even begin to get motivated to lose it all?

It is a conscious choice to eat sweets instead of killing someone. Seriously. I eat cuz I'm stressed to the max. If I could afford a proper therapist of my choosing I would not be indulging in chocolate etc.
I have been very health conscious most of my life. Lately the stress has reached a peak and I am in a state of despair. Chocolate widens my waist, I know. But what is the alternative? The alternative would be that I'm screaming at everyone, or going out to buy a gun. I don't have another way to cope with intense distress! I have cancer, I take care of 2 sn children, I have no money for basics, I feel like hitting the roof on most days!
Indulging in sweets is a distraction from the overwhelm. It's also a dose of sweetness in an otherwise bitter day.
I wish I could cope without the junk. But I can't. When I was able to afford therapy I was able to remain on a healthy eating plan. Therapy was an outlet for me. Now chocolate is an outlet for me. Cheaper than therapy, yet harmful to my health.
Besides, the food pantries offer junk food for free. Healthy fresh organic produce costs $$$

southernbubby

Thu, Nov 09 2017, 11:56 pm

oliveoil wrote:

No, not everyone cares about their weight as much as you do. Some people would rather invest their time and energy into more important things.

I thought I was judgemental, but you, op, take the cake. Make it a giant slice garnished with thick ganache and whipped cream.

My mother, may she rest in peace, died of type 2 diabetes, due to obesity, at the age of 63. I had a friend who passed away at the age of 50, in a nursing home, with no feet, due to type 2 diabetes, and she had been heavy since childhood.

So I would say, if there was a way to eat healthier, and possibly have bariatric surgery, and go to OA meetings, and do whatever it took not to die like that, I would say that it was of utmost importance. There are now bariatric physicians and surgeons and there is more online support than anyone could imagine and nobody says that it is easy. There is a series of youtubes about people who weighed 600 lbs or more and they lost the weight. Sometimes their diets were very low in calories but they did lose. Sometimes it takes medical intervention as well as emotional support and help with preparing the right foods. There are weight loss doctors and nutritionists that could probably get weight off almost anybody.

Disclaimer: it is possible to develop type 2 diabetes without obesity and those people are actually sicker than those who develop it due to obesity.

southernbubby

Fri, Nov 10 2017, 12:04 am

amother wrote:

Pasta, if cooked only slightly and still firm, is a better choice than quinoa because quinoa is very high in calories. Protein bars are not very filling. There is a fiber such as Benefiber that is added to water to make the stomach feel full. Nuts are very high in calories.

It sounds like, although you have substituted better choices, your metabolism won't budge with these. Most people with stubborn weight end up losing when they eat loads of non-starchy vegetables and a little fruit, and a little lean protein. Unfortunately, the person has to adjust to feeling hungrier but carrots and cut up veggies are the only snack that will cause weight loss.

amother

Violet

Fri, Nov 10 2017, 12:25 am

amother wrote:

I'd like to add that I was extremely thin all my life, I started having thyroid issues when I was pregnant with my baby. I never let my weight get to me cause I know I'm doing the best I can! I bh try to dress well & always get compliments on how good I look. So weight has nothing to do with looking good or not.

I was also thin all my life and started gaining wait by my first baby. Gained slowly more and more until I became very fat. I recently found out it's a thyroid issue. Do you start losing weight on medication? Or you don't take thyroid medicine?