How come people don't care about being fat?

lavenderchimes

Thu, Nov 09 2017, 10:07 pm

amother wrote:

I promise you that this post is not to bash or judge or hurt you in any way. I am someone that has struggled with weight and I understand that the issues are real. However my desire to eat chocolate, ice cream, cookies, junk, and other carbs does not override my desire to look good, fit into my clothes, feel self-confident and pretty and be a fit person.

Sometimes I see an overweight heavy person eating junk food all day long. Donuts, cookies, cake, ice cream all in one day as their diet.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE chocolate and and ice cream and all that good junk food. It is tremendously hard not to only eat that all day and everyday. But I know that I want to feel good and look good so I try to limit it to eating those things rarely. I also know that I feel much better and healthier when I'm eating fruits and vegetables and my body doesn't feel as lethargic as when I do eat junk.

I am wondering why people don't care they're fat. Do you just like the food so much that it's more important than feeling good and looking good?

Awhile back I wrote a post on here that I would rather enjoy chocolate and have a big stomach. One very smart poster told me that I'll only feel that way until it gets to the point that my big stomach isn't worth the chocolate. Well it got to that point a couple years back, and I exercised like crazy, got into shape, and never went back to that again.

So I just wonder if before you become too heavy, is it a conscious choice that you choose food over looking good? Or do you just not realize until it's too late and and by then you've already gained so much more than you ever expected that you can't even begin to get motivated to lose it all?

I'm not reading through this while thread right now. I just wanted to say that I feel like you are oversimplifying things. I was a good and healthy weight through high school. When I was 19, my eating habits changed, and I also went on meds that caused weight gain. Actually, a lot of my weight gain has been medication related more than food related -- not that my diet has ever been perfect! I tried to eat better, but my weight was always up and down. I gained weight every time I was on birth control.

After I was raped and fell in a black hole, I dropped a lot of weight really fast, because I couldn't bring myself to eat ANYTHING but chocolate covered pretzels. For the first time in my life, I was seriously underweight, and I LOVED watching myself dissapear. I couldn't lose enough! My friends and family came up with clever ways to get me to eat. I fought with myself to put some weight back on. And then, birth control helped me put more on. And you know what's weird? I don't even see the difference between 150 and 200. Body dysmorphia at it's finest.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped being so concerned about my belly. It helps that my husband loves my body, B"H. It also helps that the only time in my adult life that I have been an appropriate weight was when I was sick with grief. Being thin doesn't mean being happy for me. And I would rather be happy than thin. I'm not grossly obese, but I weigh a LOT more than anyone would guess. B"H I carry it well. I don't see it as a choice between caring about food or caring about weight -- I look at whether or not I am happy with my life, and whether or not working harder to lose weight (and risking an eating disorder) will make me happier. Right now, I am happy to be happy, regardless of my weight or size.

amother

Beige

Thu, Nov 09 2017, 10:23 pm

tichellady wrote:

Wow people are being so harsh on the op.

So, if I started a post “why don’t some people care about the way their sheitel looks?” I see people that have a hairstyle that’s 2-3 years old. Don’t they care? Aren’t they embarrassed when they get the kids at yeshiva? I get that it’s tough, but you can find $3 a week to save up for a wash and style. So did you make a conscious choice to look like garbage because your hair isn’t important, or did you not realize until it’s too late and now you can’t afford to fix it?....”

Would it be okay, or harsh? Her post came off as superiority. “I overcame this and if you can’t, I want to know if you just don’t care or if you care but you’re too fat to do anything about it.”

If she said “I’m struggling to understand common issues people have with weight loss and which methods they’ve used, and how it worked. It would be different.” But she judged everyone.

tichellady

Thu, Nov 09 2017, 10:46 pm

amother wrote:

To be clear these are not questions I would ask people in real life, but anonymously on an Internet forum, why not? She is loooking to understand something and you can explain and share your point of view instead of telling her that she’s evil for having the question. You can disagree with the premise or explain how she’s misunderstanding the situation etc

The sheitel question wouldn’t bother me either in this context. I am not scared of questions. It is a good question why someone would choose to wear something they feel ugly in. I often wonder why I am willing to go out in hats that make me feel less than beautiful etc

etky

Thu, Nov 09 2017, 11:49 pm

tichellady wrote:

I agree.
I also think that OP was not speaking to those women who have tried to lose weight and have failed due to health issues out of their control nor, possibly, to those women who have an addiction or whose lives are so stressed that food is their only outlet.
I think her question is addressed to women for whom their remains some degree of conscious choice, regarding psychological motivation and priorities and that is legitimate.
The question obviously pushed a button for some people because it is such a charged issue but I did not get a judgemental vibe from the OP's post.
Interesting about the sheitel question because it is something that I can relate to -but about my own hair because I do not cover.
I hate my hair. It's aging me, it needs to be colored and a really good cut would probably do wonders for me. But I've been neglecting it.
Why? Probably because I don't want to deal with it. I don't want to confront the fact that I am getting older and my hair is graying. For some reason that is beyond me, my hair has always been an emotionally charged issue for me.
And I'm lazy about it. I've always been very lazy about my hair.
And maybe because it's a bit of a rebellion on my part - I take care of all of other facets of my appearance - no small effort in and of itself - so in this area I just want to be left alone. I'm just not willing to put in the effort in this area. So people can either like it or lump it.
I think that this was the type of answer that OP was seeking, but about the issue of weight.

juggling

Thu, Nov 09 2017, 11:55 pm

amother wrote:

Wow... way to hide when you bash people, OP.

*snip*

I switched out my bagels/ donuts/ muffins for a 190 cal protein bar. I’m trying quinoa instead of pasta! My late night cookies/ candy are now a cheese stick or handful of nuts. And after 3 months, you wouldn’t believe how much weight I’ve dropped!

1.5 LBS!!! No, that’s not fifteen. It’s “ONE. POINT. FIVE. POUNDS.” One and a half pounds. 3.3 kilograms.

I’m still out of breath. My clothes still feel about the same. My back still hurts me EVERY DAY. So what’s the big difference between old me and new me? I might kill someone for a donut!

.

Your post is great, but your math is off. 3.3 kg is 7 and a quarter pounds.

amother

Copper

Fri, Nov 10 2017, 12:20 am

I rarely post, but I got to tell my story.

Ok, I am not 10 or 15 pounds overweight, but neither am I horribly obese. I'm 170 pounds right now. Pre-kids. Yes, I'm fat. Am I obese? No.

Ok, onto the story how I got here. I grew up in a neglectful home. Sometimes we had food, sometimes we didn't. Because of this, me and my entire family (who is also fat) eat a lot, and do not stop when we are full. This is something I'm trying to work on, but it's very hard. Whenever there is good food, I'll eat, because my body thinks "When is the next time I'll have a good meal?". I was pretty ok, just a bit chubby as I neared my teens. And then my family moved to another country overnight. The stress was too much, combined with my horrible eating habits, and the fact we never had any kosher restraunts where I grew up and now there were tens of them, and bakeries, and candy stores, and so many other things- I gained about 50 pounds in 7 months.

Since then, though I have maintained my weight. I go up and down a bit, but I have looked the same since then.

Some misconceptions:
1. I love salad.
2. I hate Candy.
3. I hate bakeries.
4. I don't like chocolate chip cookies.
5. I'm more into real food than snacks and fast food. I'm just really bad at making it.

Why I am still fat:
1. I am not obese, I am fat. I am still pretty and I have a more healthy body image than most of my friends.
2. I am working on my habits. Listening to my body, and getting a more healthy relationship with food.
3. I'm a DDD, my boobs are biggers than my tummy. I have a lot of good parts about me. I love my face, hair, eyes, my thighs are still okay.
4. I know how to dress well. I wear shorts or tights that sucks my tummy in a bit, and I'm often a M or L in stores, I know what things to wear. I wear clothes where you can see I have a stomach, but it's not in your face, you can't see all my rolls, and your eyes are pulled to other places.
5. I think I'm pretty. Sure, if I lost weight I'd be prettier, but I am still pretty now.
6. I love food and I like my body now, and like I said, I'm not gaining anything, just not losing right now. So I feel kinda safe over here eating my cheesy pasta.

I am working on my eating habits for my health. I'm still young and I fully believe that I need to shape them up before I get older. I need to learn how to cook, listen to my body, etc. I also do want to lose weight, it's hard being the one always in the back, panting hard. Sometimes I do go to stores and the clothes don't fit, or just don't look good, but I have skinny friends who suffer from the latter often for things fitting weird or too tight (tzniyus, while for me to tight means seeing my fat). So I think many different shapes of people go through that one.

amother

Mint

Fri, Nov 10 2017, 2:13 am

southernbubby wrote:

My mother, may she rest in peace, died of type 2 diabetes, due to obesity, at the age of 63. I had a friend who passed away at the age of 50, in a nursing home, with no feet, due to type 2 diabetes, and she had been heavy since childhood.

So I would say, if there was a way to eat healthier, and possibly have bariatric surgery, and go to OA meetings, and do whatever it took not to die like that, I would say that it was of utmost importance. There are now bariatric physicians and surgeons and there is more online support than anyone could imagine and nobody says that it is easy. There is a series of youtubes about people who weighed 600 lbs or more and they lost the weight. Sometimes their diets were very low in calories but they did lose. Sometimes it takes medical intervention as well as emotional support and help with preparing the right foods. There are weight loss doctors and nutritionists that could probably get weight off almost anybody.

Disclaimer: it is possible to develop type 2 diabetes without obesity and those people are actually sicker than those who develop it due to obesity.

My husband had 2 bariatric surgeries in 7 years and he's still who he is. It hasn't changed his weight.

amother

Aubergine

Fri, Nov 10 2017, 2:28 am

OP, you're wrong about how people must be eating sweets, causing them to be fat. I didn't get fat from sweets. I ate healthy food. Too much of it. I didn't realize til I started counting calories. To maintain a weight of 120 lbs I need 1400 calories per day. For 200 lbs need1800.

That's only 400 calories, which is not as much food as you might think You won't even notice it, because it's little things that add up. That extra teaspoon of olive oil on your salad or skillet (40 cal). A banana (100 cal). An extra oz of salmon (60 cal). 5 more Brussels sprouts (40 cal). 1/2 cup more black beans (100 cal). An extra 1/4 cup of rice (60 cal).

All healthy foods, in small quantity of extra. Like I said, it adds up. Cut out the banana and I'd weigh 175.

amother

Sienna

Fri, Nov 10 2017, 3:19 am

OP, looks never made a big difference in how I ate. I've never been very overweight, but I was 5-10 pounds over a 25 BMI for a while. The only thing that made a difference? Parenting and social support.

My mother is a wonderful cook and loves to bake, plus I only have brothers. When you're a teenage girl and the food at home is amazing and your siblings can pack away half a (homemade) pizza each and the only inches they're gaining are in height, it's easy to lose track of how much you're eating. I was fortunate enough to gain within the recommended limits in my first pregnancy, then lost a few pounds beyond that after starting baby-led weaning since I wasn't going to give my 7-month-old all the junk I'd been eating. Oh, and I'm blessed with a husband who has no sweet tooth and loves all legumes. This never would have happened if I'd had someone to share desserts I made, but he won't eat more than one brownie and so I'm left either eating the entire rest of the pan myself, which I will feel self-conscious about (it's not like having 2 or 3 while my brothers would eat at least as much each), or throwing it out, and it just isn't worth the effort to bake them then, even if it weren't bal tashchit.

If I'd married someone like my brothers? There's no way I'd be my current healthy weight. And I don't know that it'll last forever; by the time my kids are teens I may be baking my mother's recipes again and I'll probably be 5 pounds overweight again, but that's a ways off so we'll see. Dh married me at that weight and loves me for me.

amother

Bisque

Fri, Nov 10 2017, 3:26 am

amother wrote:

I love being curvy and cuddly. I have no desire to be skinny. Being bigger means I won't be a catwalk model but it doesn't stop me having a life. I've done several sporting events while being fat including marathons and triathlons. Not all fat people eat unhealthily. In fact, I've seen several skinny people exist on coke and chocolate. Not all skinny people are fit, even if they do look better in clothes.

I don't care about being fat but I do care about why on earth YOU care about what another person does with their body. I would prefer it if you worry about your own body and not mine. Just my humble opinion. Why on earth do you care about other people's bodies so much? Why are you watching what other people eat?

Oh and fwiw, being fat does not equate to not looking good. Several curvier people often have more youthful looking skin. So I would say that we are not choosing food vs "looking good" since we can look good and be big. You can disagree and think all us fat people don't look good but perhaps you'd serve yourself better worrying about yourself and not us.

southernbubby

Fri, Nov 10 2017, 4:32 am

amother wrote:

You are so right. Sometimes it is the extra little bit of anything that adds the calories and the pounds.

southernbubby

Fri, Nov 10 2017, 4:48 am

Ruchel wrote:

More men that Hollywood (and strangely, Imamother) want us to believe like womanly looking women. It's an instinct. I don't mean 250 kilos here, though even those have their fans which I personally don't go for at all. But zoftig? What Imamother calls fat? Sure. Then it's for US mothers to not even talk of the silly size 0 concept (who wants a 0?). Even models in Europe now cannot be underweight legally. Even Kate Moss isn't a size 0 afaik, and she isn't even a tall type like some models.

Doesn't mean you have to be fat at all. But what matters is health and being pretty to yourself.

The government of the state of Michigan now has a radio ad asking everyone to pledge losing 10% of their body weight and then the state gives them something to show for it but since I listen to the radio while driving, I missed hearing what the prize was. The idea is that losing 10% reduces the likelihood of serious illnesses. They are not advocating being underweight; the whole idea is to avoid illness. I don't know how many takers that they have because they say the whole thing so fast that it is hard to remember the website that you are supposed to log onto. And, if I were truly committed to following their advice, which wouldn't be a bad idea, I would find out how to log onto it.