Does my post bar mitzvah boy really need a wool coat?

amother

Slateblue

Mon, Nov 13 2017, 10:03 am

My 14-year-old has a perfectly good down coat that fits him well, but he insists that once a boy is past bar mitzvah, it's only acceptable to wear a 3/4 length wool coat. His older brothers who are already in yeshiva do wear that, but he's only in 8th grade and they wore their regular down jackets at that stage even after their bar mitzvahs. I can't afford to buy him a new wool coat. Last year, he ended up not wearing a coat the whole winter even when it was freezing cold. I know nothing anyone here says is going to change his mind, but is he just being picky or do kids his age really only wear wool coats?

thunderstorm

Mon, Nov 13 2017, 10:11 am

amother wrote:

Sounds like my 15 yr old. My 16 yr old wears his weekday jacket and my 15 ur old refuses. He insists on a nice wool one. So far we have not given into him. It's pressure from yeshiva. He has no problem wearin his black Lands End jacket on Shabbos to shul but refuses to wear it to yeshiva during the week! I may have to give in, but my DH is putting his foot down. So we shall see how this progresses. In the meantime he wears a pretty sweater under his suit jacket and a scarf ( he did this in 25 degree weather too). Welcome to Teenagers!!!

mommyhood

Mon, Nov 13 2017, 10:20 am

Where I live, yes it's what almost all the boys wear. If you agree that your high school boys need it (unless by yeshiva you meant bais medrash) then it's not a stretch to buy it now. It must bother him a lot if he's refusing to wear any coat.
I was a kid whose parents refused to replace anything functional for fashion. It caused a lot of self esteem issues. Embarrassment is a real thing for kids. That doesn't mean buying every fad but every kid wants to fit in and something like a coat is really obvious if it's different.

cnc

Mon, Nov 13 2017, 10:30 am

flowerpower wrote:

My boys wear down jackets for shabbos until their bar mitzvah. Then they get a wool coat. I understand your son.

This.
In my circles a wool coat is considered "part of the levush" past bar mitzvah. A boy wearing a down coat will stick out like a sore thumb and it's not done.
I don't know if that's the case in the OP's circles.... Maybe there's a coat gemach that you can try?

amother

Slateblue

Mon, Nov 13 2017, 10:51 am

Thanks for the replies. The truth is, I haven't noticed what other boys here do at his age while still in cheder. My older boys did not have a problem wearing down and I know that their friends also wore down jackets with their black hats, but maybe things have changed in the last few years. They're already in yeshiva gedola now. I should probably try to pay closer attention to what his classmates are wearing.

salt

Mon, Nov 13 2017, 10:57 am

I think 3/4 wool coats actually look a bit silly on 13 yr old boys. They drown them. It makes them look like dressed up little men. But that's just my opinion.

I bought my son's just after bar mitzva a wool jacket - ie. the material of the wool coat, but jacket style. They are cheaper (you'll have to replace it when they grow out of it in a year or two), look enough like the wool coats, that they don't feel out, and they look less swampy.
My BM boys agreed to that.
By the time my 2 oldest had outgrown theirs, and got 3/4 ones, I handed one on to my 3rd BM kid.

Are you in Israel? There's a shop in Kanfei Nesharim, near Bazaar Elitzur, that sell wool coats at a reasonable price (I don't think they're actually made of wool, proably synthetic, but they're warm enough) I paid maximum 200 NIS.

anonymrs

Mon, Nov 13 2017, 11:19 am

amother wrote:

Reread the bolded. This seems to be really important to him and you couldn't get him to wear the down coat last year. What makes you think this year will be different?

amother

Slateblue

Mon, Nov 13 2017, 11:52 am

cnc wrote:

No gemachs near where we live but thanks.

We wouldn't ask our child to stick out like a sore thumb. We generally conform to societal norms. That's why I'm questioning if this is indeed the norm (though I guess this may be specific to where we live and I should pay more attention to that).

amother

Slateblue

Mon, Nov 13 2017, 11:53 am

anonymrs wrote:

Reread the bolded. This seems to be really important to him and you couldn't get him to wear the down coat last year. What makes you think this year will be different?

It doesn't get that cold where we live and a sweater under his jacket is usually enough, so it wasn't something terribly drastic that he didn't wear the coat. But your point is heard.

amother

Slateblue

Mon, Nov 13 2017, 11:54 am

Kumphort wrote:

Look online for deals I just paid 37 for this

Nautica Men's Melton Double-Breasted Peacoat,Charcoal,Medium https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00L.....a_swf

Looks nice but it's shorter than what he wants. And we're in Israel.

amother

Slateblue

Mon, Nov 13 2017, 11:55 am

salt wrote:

Thanks. We don't live anywhere near Yerushalayim, but if I'm there anytime soon, I'll look out for it.

PinkFridge

Mon, Nov 13 2017, 12:00 pm

It sounds like something to get. There might be cheaper ways to get one, e.g. going to certain stores over others, gemach stores, etc.
I was going to write this: Is he generally reasonable? Like, ok, he wants to wear black pants and not twill but is poly ok or must it be dry clean only wool? That kind of thing.
But then I realized that this is different. It's very possible that he should be getting the wool coat. I think you would do well though to start laying down some ground rules, that you will get him what he needs and what is appropriate but that it doesn't have to be exactly perfect or top dollar. The world doesn't come to an end if one day he wears a regular fitting shirt instead of a slim fit, etc.

amother

Slateblue

Mon, Nov 13 2017, 12:05 pm

He is quite particular about clothing overall but nothing ridiculous. Definitely only slim fit shirts and only certain brands, but he's fine with buying cheaper suits while he's still outgrowing them every 3 months.

So my plan now is to take note of what his classmates are wearing. If they're all (or almost all) wearing wool coats, we'll have to come up with the money to buy him one. If not, I'll give him the opportunity to earn the money somehow.

Thanks to all of you for helping me reach this conclusion.