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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Chanukah
How many gifts (and overall expense) per kid?



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amother
Babyblue


 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 12:41 am
With Chanuka around the corner, I'm curious what's typical gift-giving. Other than birthdays and afikomen gifts, we don't really give presents throughout the year, so we like to be generous on Chanuka, but at the same time don't want the kids to get spoiled.

So I'm curious to hear how many nights on Chanuka do each of your kids receive presents/gelt, and what is the total cost of all the gifts for each child? And if you also give to DH or other relatives, feel free to include that info as well.
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amother
Seashell


 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 12:52 am
We have lots of chanuka parties, and my kids come home with gifts and prizes from each one. I decided that if they get from everyone else, shouldn't they be getting from their own parents? I devote one night to a Chanuka party for my own immediate family. I spend up to $20 per kid for a gift and up to $40 for Dh. Everyone gets their one gift at our party.
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Blessing1




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 12:52 am
One gift per child. Sometimes we even get away with a gift from us because they get so many from grandparents & great grandparents kh!
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amother
Royalblue


 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 1:01 am
We have a couple of party's and they get a gift by each one (grandparents and great grandparents ). So I usually skip the gift. The grandparents spend approximately 20 per kid.
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amother
Wheat


 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 2:07 am
amother wrote:
With Chanuka around the corner, I'm curious what's typical gift-giving. Other than birthdays and afikomen gifts, we don't really give presents throughout the year, so we like to be generous on Chanuka, but at the same time don't want the kids to get spoiled.

So I'm curious to hear how many nights on Chanuka do each of your kids receive presents/gelt, and what is the total cost of all the gifts for each child? And if you also give to DH or other relatives, feel free to include that info as well.

We sometimes save big things to give over chanukah. Like we got expensive monogrammed towels to replace the ones they've had for 5 years and are now in tatters. We also bought mangatiles on special and will present it to everyone together one night (we'll probably give it over shabbos). These are things they don't know about. And they still want to "choose" presents for us to order like Barbie dolls and other toys.
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 3:38 am
We have family parties and parties with friends every night. My kids get gifts there. The gifts are totally predictable as they don't vary year to year.

I don't do special gifts on Chanukah for them or DH. I don't like being forced to buy things just because the calender says I must. I prefer to give presents when I find something right.

Lately, I give my kids the option of receiving somethings I buy them starting in November immediately or waiting until Chanukah. They know what the stuff is, so there are no mistakes. Everything fits or is exactly what they want.

I get gifts, but I prefer not receiving them because the calender says I must. Usually, these gifts aren't right for me while gifts then spontaneously are perfect.
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amother
Pewter


 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 8:33 am
squishy- my dh completely agrees with you. He gives when he thinks of something and not on socially accepted times.

I also remember learning that giving gifts on chanukah comes from imitating the non-Jews and therefore its better not to?
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allthingsblue




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 8:36 am
amother wrote:
We have lots of chanuka parties, and my kids come home with gifts and prizes from each one. I decided that if they get from everyone else, shouldn't they be getting from their own parents? I devote one night to a Chanuka party for my own immediate family. I spend up to $20 per kid for a gift and up to $40 for Dh. Everyone gets their one gift at our party.


Funny. That's exactly what made me feel that I don't have to buy them anything- they get so overloaded with toys on Chanukah!
But my kids are young. Maybe I'll change my mind when they get older.
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momX4




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 8:36 am
We spend $20-$25 for child for a gift that they choose (same rule for birthday, afikomin and chanuka) unless its a bike or other exercise stuff. We will also allow a big family gift, train tracks, video game system...

On Chanukah I also give an extra unexpected gift. It can be silly or even something they wanted, but usually under $5.

We make a family party and we give the gift then.

I once got a gift from dh. He saw I purchased something on Amazon that he wanted (under $20) so he quickly bought me something (about $100) I desperately needed.
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amother
Yellow


 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 8:49 am
amother wrote:
I also remember learning that giving gifts on chanukah comes from imitating the non-Jews and therefore its better not to?


Yes, giving Chanukah gifts is an imitation of (modern, commercialized) x-mas celebration. My very American and not-so-religious family gave us presents every night. Even the kids understood that this was not a traditional part of the holiday, and the over-abundance of gifts has its dark side. My husband's more traditional European family found the practice quite foreign, and never adopted it.

As a married couple, we combined our traditions and exchange gifts, for children only, one night at the family Chanukah party, largely because our extended family (on my side) expects it. It's fun and harmless, but we try to emphasize all the other parts of the holiday celebration.
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 8:57 am
amother wrote:
squishy- my dh completely agrees with you. He gives when he thinks of something and not on socially accepted times.

I also remember learning that giving gifts on chanukah comes from imitating the non-Jews and therefore its better not to?


I don't get my kids new clothes because it is yontiff. I also don't get a new sheital or new jewelry just because it is a simcha. I think those costs inflate the cost of a simcha I unnecessarily.
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LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 9:07 am
Squishy wrote:
I don't get my kids new clothes because it is yontiff. I also don't get a new sheital or new jewelry just because it is a simcha. I think those costs inflate the cost of a simcha I unnecessarily.


Well it's a mitzvah to get something new, whether it be an outfit, a skirt, a jacket, or even a headband from the dollar store to honor the yuntiv.

It's crazy though that in some places it became the norm to get 4 new outfits per child per yuntiff. By us, that's when we get new items. So my DH will save up during other times of the year for jewlery, and if I would need a new sheitel, I'd try to buy it before a yuntiv to be bikavod the yuntiv, but buying unnecessary extravagant things every yuntiv is ridiculous.

Fun fact about gift giving, I just read in the Hamodia this past week it was brought into Judiasm by two reform Jews living in Cincinnati, OH back in 1880's. So although it comes from pagan holidays, it's not a new idea. Also gelt and money and sharing and buying things bikavod hachag aren't new ideas or from christianity.

Some families I know put a twist on it, by doing a secret santa/pal/friend (Gamad vianak) where everyone picks out a name and must give each other small things, presents, notes, etc over the 8 day yuntiv.
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amother
Seashell


 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 9:11 am
allthingsblue wrote:
Funny. That's exactly what made me feel that I don't have to buy them anything- they get so overloaded with toys on Chanukah!
But my kids are young. Maybe I'll change my mind when they get older.

I usually make our party the first possible night; it usually works out to have it before any grandparents' parties so they are ultra excited. I find if I gift them toys randomly it doesn't have the same chashivus by them as an official present for an official reason.
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 9:17 am
LovesHashem wrote:
Well it's a mitzvah to get something new, whether it be an outfit, a skirt, a jacket, or even a headband from the dollar store to honor the yuntiv.

It's crazy though that in some places it became the norm to get 4 new outfits per child per yuntiff. By us, that's when we get new items. So my DH will save up during other times of the year for jewlery, and if I would need a new sheitel, I'd try to buy it before a yuntiv to be bikavod the yuntiv, but buying unnecessary extravagant things every yuntiv is ridiculous.

Fun fact about gift giving, I just read in the Hamodia this past week it was brought into Judiasm by two reform Jews living in Cincinnati, OH back in 1880's. So although it comes from pagan holidays, it's not a new idea. Also gelt and money and sharing and buying things bikavod hachag aren't new ideas or from christianity.

Some families I know put a twist on it, by doing a secret santa/pal/friend (Gamad vianak) where everyone picks out a name and must give each other small things, presents, notes, etc over the 8 day yuntiv.


We do plenty to honor the yom tovim. My kids look as nice as all the others even in their not brand new clothes. How much jewelry and clothes does each person need? The conspicuous consumption is out of control.

As far as saving up and only buying new clothes twice a year, it reaches points of ridiculousness. I know children who outgrow their clothes and are forced to wait until yontiff to get new ones. Usually, these are the overweight kids whose buttons are straining or kids who go through growth spurts and their skirts and trousers are too short. People need to use common sense. When a child outgrows their clothes, that's the time to get them new ones. I feel so bad for the children whose parents are so entrenched in this system that they don't see what is right in front of them.
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SuperWify




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 9:58 am
I give DH something small every night ( for this year so far: a new weekday belt $30, earmuffs $15, a box of his favorite peanut chews$5, new undershirts ( but a fancier brand then usual- jockey vrs Hanes) $40 . Need 4 more small ideas) I wrap them nicely and write a note about him tied with the gift. He buys me something special (about $100)

Curious to know if you expect a gift from your DH?

My DH claims his family never got presents (they are a boy family. When they want something they just ask and they get it.)

Growing up my mom worked very hard to make Chanukah special . They couldn’t afford to buy us gifts every night. The first night we got our gifts ($20-40), one night we played dreidel with chocolate coins, one night we had fresh homemade doughnuts, one night we got a new game for the big and little kids to enjoy, and of course one night was the big party.
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LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 10:22 am
Squishy wrote:
We do plenty to honor the yom tovim. My kids look as nice as all the others even in their not brand new clothes. How much jewelry and clothes does each person need? The conspicuous consumption is out of control.

As far as saving up and only buying new clothes twice a year, it reaches points of ridiculousness. I know children who outgrow their clothes and are forced to wait until yontiff to get new ones. Usually, these are the overweight kids whose buttons are straining or kids who go through growth spurts and their skirts and trousers are too short. People need to use common sense. When a child outgrows their clothes, that's the time to get them new ones. I feel so bad for the children whose parents are so entrenched in this system that they don't see what is right in front of them.


Ok that's nuts. I mean often times kids grow, but not that much between 6 months...right? you get them 2 outfits for pesach and 2 for sukkos. They now have 2 spring shabbos outfits and 2 winter.
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amother
Firebrick


 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 10:25 am
I grew up with Chanuka gelt only - and not that much. Gifts (other than coins/cash) for chanuka are so foreign to me.
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amother
Cobalt


 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 10:26 am
One big gift or a few cheaper ones, whatever we choose.
Also my grandmother gives about $75-150 per family so I come from a smaller family so we get $25-50 per kid. The bigger families of 8+ obviously will get less.
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 10:32 am
LovesHashem wrote:
Ok that's nuts. I mean often times kids grow, but not that much between 6 months...right? you get them 2 outfits for pesach and 2 for sukkos. They now have 2 spring shabbos outfits and 2 winter.


Not every kid grows according to the yontiff schedule, but those that have their growth spurts or just plain gain weight between need to be dressed properly. A few months until a yontiff to a parent seems like a few months, but to a kid, it is a long time.
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