My teenage daughter is hooking up with wrong people

mommyhood

Wed, Dec 20 2017, 12:40 pm

BasMelech120 wrote:

This is a wonderful way to push the problem under the rug. In any school, in any seminary, in any part of the world - this girl will still find people to fill her needs in the way that those girls are doing for her right now.

'Sending the child away' is rarely - dare I say, NEVER - the solution.

Almost all 17 year old girls are in high school or seminary. That means this girl's pool of friends is extremely limited. Sending her to school doesn't mean banishing her away from home it means filling her day in a productive way with girls of a similar age who she will hopefully become friendly with. Sure it's possibly that she'll find the 'bad' girls in seminary but if her issue is really lack of friends this could be a simple solution.

BH5745

Wed, Dec 20 2017, 12:51 pm

BasMelech120 wrote:

Perhaps you've misunderstood the point of suggesting a change in environment. By sending a young adult to a new environment, they are able to make a fresh start. It's very difficult for most older adults to begin anew in the same place, surrounded by the same people, in the usual circumstances. For younger adults this is daunting. OP was clear that her DD wants to change her circle of influence, but is struggling to do so. If DD has trouble removing herself from the negative influences, then changing the environment might be best.

Telling a young adult "DD, how about making a new start in a new place? No one knows you yet, and so you can be however you wish to be. You can change your friends and improve your reputation to be how you envision!" is motivating and relieving.

Cookiegirl

Wed, Dec 20 2017, 12:52 pm

Maybe try reaching out to Rabbi Gluck at Areivim. He might be able to give you some practical advice on steering her to a better environment. He may also be able to connect you/her to some girls who are on a positive path either within or post the Areivim program...

dancingqueen

Wed, Dec 20 2017, 3:02 pm

mommyhood wrote:

This.

BasMelech120

Wed, Dec 20 2017, 3:42 pm

mommyhood wrote:

There is a difference between sending a girl to seminary as part of her schooling, and sending a girl away in order to prevent her from hanging out with 'undesirable' friends.

OP has written that her daughter's many friends are OTD or are in other kinds of pain; this is telling her something about her daughter. Sending her to ANY seminary, ANY part of the world, will not change the factor that is attracting these people to her daughter.