Relative wants to be cremated

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Forum -> Judaism -> Halachic Questions and Discussions

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amother

Scarlet

Wed, Dec 27 2017, 6:40 am

This is what is written in his will. He just passed away today.

Do we sit shiva? Or is it forbidden?

amother

Jade

Wed, Dec 27 2017, 7:04 am

Sorry for your loss.

This happened to a relative of mine also.
The rav we asked said that we don't listen to what was written in the will.
She wasn't cremated, had a proper kosher burial and my relatives sat shiva.

Shoshana37

Wed, Dec 27 2017, 7:22 am

So sorry for your loss. I agree with the above comment.

amother

Scarlet

Wed, Dec 27 2017, 8:12 am

I am not the executor of his will. His daughter is, and I think she intends to follow her father's wishes. She said, "That's what he wanted. I cannot go against his wishes if that's what he wrote in his will."

Notsobusy

Wed, Dec 27 2017, 8:25 am

There's an organization that helps with convincing relatives not to cremate a loved one. I can't remember what it's called, hopefully somebody can help you. But they have lots of experience and are sometimes successful.

As far as sitting shiva, I think you should ask a rav. There may also be other things to consider so it's important to get in touch with someone knowledgeable.

I'm sorry for your loss.

amother

Scarlet

Wed, Dec 27 2017, 3:09 pm

It's done. Nothing I can do about it anymore.
Sad

ggdm

Wed, Dec 27 2017, 3:22 pm

Was your relative religious? If not, you may be able to sit shiva:

Quote:

If a person is cremated as he wished, can the family sit in shiva?

If the deceased was unfamiliar with the Jewish law prohibiting cremation, or if he never had a Jewish education and falls into the category of a “Tinok Shenishba“- I.e. someone who due to their upbringing cannot be faulted for a lack of adherence to Jewish law, it is permissible to sit shiva, but not required.

Source: http://www.jewishanswers.org/a.....=2421

Ask your LOR!

amother

Scarlet

Wed, Dec 27 2017, 3:32 pm

ggdm wrote:

Was your relative religious? If not, you may be able to sit shiva:

Quote:

Source: http://www.jewishanswers.org/a.....=2421

Ask your LOR!

No, he was not religious.

crust

Wed, Dec 27 2017, 3:47 pm

amother wrote:

It's done. Nothing I can do about it anymore.
Sad

I'm sorry for your loss.

thunderstorm

Wed, Dec 27 2017, 3:50 pm

Ask your rav

Ruchel

Wed, Dec 27 2017, 4:29 pm

I sadly have a great uncle type relative.
You might want to "miss the plane" and not say openly you won't attend, for shalom. Come after. Nichsol Shoah etc may be considered traumatized and not mentally well and you might be allowed shiva, or shiva less one item in private. Ask a compassionate rabbi, who deals with those situations with real humans.

southernbubby

Wed, Dec 27 2017, 4:55 pm

amother wrote:

This is what is written in his will. He just passed away today.

Do we sit shiva? Or is it forbidden?

We once put a stop to a relative's cremation and paid to have him buried but if it was done already, I was told that shiva is not obligatory. Again ask a rav and sorry for your loss. I did see someone who wanted to sit anyway and chose to do it. A person can sit shiva for anyone that he suffers the loss of, such as an adoptive parent, but it doesn't have the weight of an obligation.

amother

Lavender

Wed, Dec 27 2017, 5:22 pm

A great uncle of mine chose to be cremated. We could not believe a person who survived the shoah could chose this. But he did and his wife honored it. I honestly believe it shortened my grandmother's life. We were all horrified but for her it was beyond.

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