Struggling... how much pocket money?

Pita

Fri, Jan 05 2018, 10:07 am

My children are ages 7, 10, and 12. They can't go anywhere alone as where we live there is no public transportation. They used to get no allowance. Then I started giving the $5/week, but it is really causing a hardship for me. Giving them SOME has been good because when they want to buy books (their only expense) I can tell them they can spend their money. Would it be too stingy if I just gave them $2 to $2.50/week? I pay for clothing, outings, treats, etc. I don't want them to spend their money on candy as it is unhealthy and so cheap that they could get really sick even just spending a small sum on it.

My eldest wanted to take her friend to a movie today. We invited her, and the girls are going. Then my daughter was shocked when I suggested that if they are going alone (she keeps saying she wants to be independent) my daughter should pay for it.

Plus, as I said $15/week ($5/week/child) is causing a hardship for me.

Thoughts, please.

alis_al_kulana

Fri, Jan 05 2018, 11:11 am

No. Most frum families I know don't do allowance at all. I was expected to babysit otherfamilies and was also paid for unusual jobs around the house. I do not v plan to give any allowance.

amother

Lavender

Fri, Jan 05 2018, 11:50 am

I also don't give allowance- oldest 7. I understand the logic though. It is too teach them to budget for "Extras" but then they pay for extras like movie with their friend especially TREATING a friend.
If I did give an allowance it would be dependent on age. As they get older they get a larger allowance but are expected to pay for more things by themselves. The kids can't have it both ways of getting free money every week and get everything paid for them as well. As others have said 12 year olds can "work" as a mother's helper...

I believe there are books that talk about how to go about giving your kids an allowance.

amother

Emerald

Fri, Jan 05 2018, 12:04 pm

I don't give allowance because I dont believe in it however I do like the idea pf children having money. It teaches them about work vs spend and to be fiscally responsible. I allow them to earn. If they get good grades ill treat them to $1 or $2 depends on how hard it was... Best of wk... Sometimes I need my daughter to babysit so I'll offer to pay her a bit. I'll only offer to pay for things I dnt think they must do which I need help for. They have plenty of chores they must do- I'm talking about beyond that.

mommy3b2c

Fri, Jan 05 2018, 1:01 pm

I don’t give me kids an allowance. I give them whatever they need. I do pay them to babysit my baby on shabbos so I can nap. But that money goes into their savings account.

nicole81

Fri, Jan 05 2018, 1:14 pm

We don't give allowance; the kids are expected to help out as part of the household. They do have some cash saved up from birthday and holiday gifts from over the years and use that when they want to go out with friends. It's a finite amount though, so they're very conscious of budgeting and spending wisely.

The 12 year old occasionally works as a mother's helper in the neighborhood to make some extra cash, and while both of the older kids are expected to help out with babysitting for 30-60 min here and there, if my husband and I want to go out together locally, we pay them for their services.

As for the 7 year old, that just seems a little absurd to give allowance! I can't imagine what my 7yo would do with money. She, too, has birthday money, and maybe twice ever she paid an older kid to buy her ice cream off the truck in the summer, but what else would she need allowance for??

amother

Peach

Fri, Jan 05 2018, 1:24 pm

The notion of allowance never sat well with me. I got my kids what they needed and if they asked for something I couldn't afford I said as much. If finances are comfortable I don't believe in withholding things they ask for. If finances are tight I think it's ok to say that we are tightening our belts. I would tell them life has ups and downs and when it's a down time mommy can give less and when it's an up time mommy can give more.

tichellady

Fri, Jan 05 2018, 1:44 pm

Whatever you do, be consistent. If you will give allowance, the kids should know what they can buy with it and what things you will be paying for. If you want to make a rule about who pays for movies, then you need to be upfront about that so there are no surprises. The whole point is to educate them financially and if you aren’t consistent, that’s not going to teach them anything about saving and handling $. If you can’t afford to give allowance, then don’t.

causemommysaid

Fri, Jan 05 2018, 1:52 pm

We don't do allowance but we did open bank accounts for the kids and they put their birthday money in there. Also we have an award system where they earn stars. each star is worth money. They can choose to put their earnings in the account or use it to buy a prize or treat.

Fri, Jan 05 2018, 3:05 pm

I received an allowance growing up, and give one to my child. I think it is a good way for children to learn to save, budget and have the freedom to make some independent choices before they are old enough to earn money on their own.

Allowance in my family is not tied to chores - that gives the child the option to skip chores and say, "not worth it for only $2.50." No, everyone has to contribute to the household.

All that being said, if your budget works better without giving an allowance, don't give it. There are other ways to teach children money skills, and it sounds as though you are covering all their needs and wants anyway.

About the movie: allowance or no, there will be times throughout your children's teen years when roles need to be reevaluated. It is not intuitive for a twelve-year-old that something that you always paid for is now her responsibility. It helps to clarify roles and responsibilities openly, even if it feels a little awkward or forced.

amother

Copper

Fri, Jan 05 2018, 3:59 pm

Movies are 15 per person where I live, you should pay this time, but can let her know in the future she should save up for tickets.

The 7 and 10 year old can get less a week.

amother

Ivory

Sat, Jan 06 2018, 12:46 pm

I live in Israel and we started allowance last year when the kids were between ages 10-14. They get 15-20 shekel /week depending on age. They can use it for whatever they want (except buying things like an electric scooter or other things we've deemed dangerous.) It is in No WAY tied to chores. Chores are separate and they must be done. If kids don't do chores they can't use electronics or they get one of my lectures, etc.. :-)

Having an allowance teaches them budgeting and wants vs needs. It also frees me from feeling like an ATM machine and handing out money constantly.

Also, here in Israel, the kids have a lot of freedom. They go for pizza, ice cream, mall, shuk, etc on their own with friends.

amother

Copper

Sat, Jan 06 2018, 6:28 pm

amother wrote:

Do they have to pay for everything themselves now?

Shoshana37

Sat, Jan 06 2018, 6:43 pm

My teenagers yes $20/week plus they have credit card for lunch use because their school doesn’t provide lunch. My younger kids no because they go to school on school bus and they get free lunch in school we just buy them snacks.

oliveoil

Sat, Jan 06 2018, 6:45 pm

amother wrote:

If finances are comfortable I don't believe in withholding things they ask for.

I've never heard this philosophy before. Can you explain why you think it's a good thing to give kids everything they want?

amother

Burgundy

Sat, Jan 06 2018, 6:46 pm

Shoshana37 wrote:

wow! what happened to good old lunch from home??

Curious, are you setting them up to sustain this level of luxury when they are self-supporting?

amother

Peach

Sat, Jan 06 2018, 6:49 pm

oliveoil wrote:

I've never heard this philosophy before. Can you explain why you think it's a good thing to give kids everything they want?

If there is money aplenty, I don't see a good reason to say no to a request. I'm not here to make life hard on my children. I'm here to support them as they grow into adulthood. Wanna play? gimme an example of something you wanted as a kid and were told ''no''.

amother

Peach

Sat, Jan 06 2018, 6:51 pm

amother wrote:

wow! what happened to good old lunch from home??

Curious, are you setting them up to sustain this level of luxury when they are self-supporting?

Why not give generously if money is available?
Not everyone is into good old lunch from home.