Son on strike in school

amother

Aqua

Tue, Jan 23 2018, 7:51 am

My 4 year old son just started school this year. (I'm not in the us so the school system is slightly different) Here kids start in the infants class at 4. He loved school from the first day and went excitedly until he had a 2 week vacation. After the vacation he didn't want to go to school. I let him stay home one day but then the next day made him go to school. He sat in school all day with his head in his arms and didn't participate at all or eat anything. The next day school was closed due to some heating issues. The next day thursday, same thing again but then by friday he was fine and enjoyed school. The next week same thing - unhappy on monday, but rest of the week fine. Ditto this week - he was unhappy yesterday, perfectly happy today.

It seems like every time there is a break from school, he doesn't want to go back. And he is very stubborn and sits all day with his head in his arms.

The teacher wants to have a meeting tomorrow. Anyone had experiences like this? He is one of the younger kids in the class and she thinks it might make a difference. Could it be a symptom of something more serious? He is a super bright, very stubborn kid.

The secular teacher is also new to this age group, although she is considered to be the best teacher in school. I'm wondering if she is working the kids too hard. He comes home with a lot more homework then my older kids did, although he completes it with no difficulty.

amother

Orchid

Tue, Jan 23 2018, 5:08 pm

My kid had this - turns out there was one thing in school which she was having trouble with, though it took us a while to get to the bottom of what it was. A lot of it was connected to her psyching herself out - when she remembered that it might be hard or unpleasant for her, she didn't want to go, but after a few days of it actually not being as bad as she thought it would be, she was fine going. Lather, rinse, repeat.

So you may have to find you exactly what it is that he his having a hard time with. Sometimes it's things that seem silly or that you wouldn't think of, but they are significant for the kid. Our daughter has had a few over the years - for a few weeks it was a minor problem with the school bathroom which was bothering her out (we got it fixed and then she had no problems), for a few weeks it was noise from construction outside on the next building was distracting her from listening to the teacher much more than it affected the other kids (just had to move her closer to the front and all better), for a few weeks she didn't like doing projects with glue because she can't stand having sticky hands (taught her to ask to be excused to wash her hands and then she was fine going), for a few weeks it was that the arts and crafts were too hard (we taught her how to take breaks in the middle and got her OT), for a few weeks it was that she is the youngest and she thought the teachers didn't think her work was good enough (we don't know why she thought this, but telling the teachers that she needs some extra reassurance / encouragement helped), for a few weeks it was because the kids were calling her a funny name but only sometimes (I actually went in and called out those kids to the teacher in front of the whole class and it stopped), for a few weeks it was because she and her best friend had a fight (us moms got together and we helped them make up).

Yeah, the list is a bit long for us. But essentially the bottom line is that our daughter has a harder time than average facing things which she thinks will be unpleasant for her, because she blows it out of proportion in her mind. It usually takes us some time to understand what exactly is bothering her, but we've gotten much better at it, and she's gotten better at articulating, or we actually go into school with her and she takes us by the hand and shows us things. Some things needed more intervention (like OT), and some just needed a quick fix (like moving her seat). We also taught her to advocate for herself with the teachers and her friends, which has helped (like ask to wash your hands after using glue). We are trying to work with her now on matching her expectations to reality, but that's a different story.

But, sounds like your son's reaction is significant, and you should try to figure out what's really bothering him, even if it's something small, those things can be really big in the mind of a young child.

amother

Aqua

Tue, Jan 23 2018, 5:32 pm

I don't know what is bothering him. He loves the teachers, he loves the work, he loves the other kids. He loves the homework too! (its stuff like draw 4 things beginning with B. Or color in 3 objects) He doesn't like the toilet and holds it in all day, I think because there is no lock on the door, or it's scary, or something, but I don't think that is something that would stress him out overly. Also he was fine from the first day of school until the last day of the school term. It was only after vacation that he was reluctant to go to school.

As I mentioned before, he is one of the youngest. He is a summer baby and cutoff is september. I did not want to keep him in preschool for another year, he would have been bored out of his mind. Today, for example, he had to draw 4 things beginning with G. He drew - with no help from me at all- a gorilla, a gun, a person golfing, and water gurgling down the drain. So either way he would have been unhappy - older and much much smarter in preschool, or younger in school.

I think he will probably be fine next week but regardless, his teacher wants to meet tomorrow about this and I would like to know if this is normal or symptomatic of some underlying issues. His brother is on the spectrum and they are very different. I am pretty sure he is not on the spectrum - he is outgoing and displays no other behaviors. The teacher he has now actually worked with my older son one on one and she was incredible with him.

Franticfrummie, kids never want to leave parks! He does get addicted to electronics but I would say that is typical of most kids. But he will stop when pressed and move on.