What kind of help to get my 11 yr. old son?

mother4

Thu, Jan 25 2018, 4:18 pm

Since as little kid, he cries for any little thing. Like not finding his socks...or the fact that he didnt like his snack...
He is super sensitive
At same time, he has a temper
He also has sensory issues...
He will wear same clothing all the time ( not the clothing he decided are not his taste.
If he did something to someone ( in a fight) he only remembers what THEY did to him. And when I gently ask him what he did, he storms away saying," I knew youll stick up for them"...
If I talk to my husband about something, he perks up thinking/ dreaming we talk about him. ...
When I compliment him, he shrugs it off. He has low self esteem.
I have to say in schooll he does great. He is quick, smart, and respectful to rebbes..
At home, he runs to help me. Only problems when hes next to other kids..or when he doesnt get what he wants.

I never did therapy or anything like that...but I wanna help him be a happier person. And have better middos. Where can I refer him to? Play therapy, reg therapy, etc??

FranticFrummie

Thu, Jan 25 2018, 7:18 pm

Play therapy is great for role playing potential situations that could set him off.

Social skills therapy is SUPER helpful for learning about how your behavior affects those around you. My DD went from being an argumentative, bossy, jerk - to having lots of friends and feeling comfortable in social groups. She's still an oddball, but much more comfortable with herself, and happier overall.

You didn't mention his age (unless I missed that part). Some of that behavior is really age appropriate, depending on how old he is. Age 5-8 is what I'm thinking.

DD was always the big victim in her world, and would say "She attacked me FOR NO REASON!" If I asked her what she was doing just before Jessica poked her with a pencil, she would say "nothing!". I'd ask her what she was doing before that, and she'd say "I was just leaning back, kicking the table."

She could not put the two actions together to save her life. Cause and effect just didn't connect in her brain for the longest time. If I suggested that Jessica was bothered by the table kicking, and poked DD with a pencil to get her to stop, suddenly DD will understand. By no means does this imply that she's going to remember that lesson the next day. Banging head

You have to keep talking over these situations with him until one day it starts to click. It can take a few years, but therapy will make it happen much faster.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Jan 25 2018, 7:23 pm

OK, I just saw that your DS is 11 (don't know how I missed that!)

Having meltdowns and fights at school at that age seem very emotionally immature. Without being qualified to diagnose, he could be PPD-NOS, with some behavior challenges. I would ask your pediatrician for a referral to have him screened, and see what therapies would work best for someone his age.

You're headed straight into middle school, which is it's own particular type of hell. The sooner you can get him evaluated, the better off he is going to be. Please don't wait!

You'll have to be extra pushy in order to be taken seriously, especially if he's getting good grades. Social skills are just as important as academics, so go be a Mama Bear and advocate for your cub.

mother4

Thu, Jan 25 2018, 11:20 pm

Thank you for taking the time to help out.

What is PPD- NOS?

He hardly has any fights in school, its mostly with his siblings. That part is normal. The issue I'm concerned about is how he handles situations, and the negative part he takes. Since he is very little, he disliked when I cuddled him too much (possibly due to sensory issue) so I give him light hugs or kisses. Same when my hub gives him tight hug, he starts crying that we hurt him!!
He gets upset very easily.
In class he does great. His friends like him and even tho he is youngest, he is smart kid. I dont even think he cries in front of his friends, but at home he gives it all out....

amother

Amethyst

Fri, Jan 26 2018, 8:06 am

I had a brother who was like that at that age. Please get your son all the help possible. Ask his pediatrician for referrals.

Please also see a therapist for yourself to learn how to deal with him in the best and most nurturing way possible.

Mommyg8

Fri, Jan 26 2018, 8:22 am

Your son would benefit tremendously from sensory integration therapy. A good therapist shoiuld give you exercises to do that will help hid body regulate, both physically and emotionally. And on your end, lots of warmth, hugs, etc. would also be helpful.

He's a little old for sensory therapy, so it may not work as well as it would have if you would have started him younger, but you never know... perhaps the therapist can have more information.