How do you plan a wedding in 8-12 weeks??

amother

Pearl

Mon, Jan 29 2018, 8:42 am

My daughter is dating and IY"H it looks like she may be a kallah soon. Exciting times, but also nerve-racking. To top it off, she is in Israel and I am in the US (and OOT).

I could desperately use advice on how people pull off a wedding in such a short period of time (8-12 weeks) and any extra advice on how to do it from the US would be great.

Is there a to-do list out there that would help keep us on track and make sure we don't forget anything? What do we do first? I'm guessing we have to quickly get a date, hall, invitations and her gown?? And for the invitations, do I get them printed here, in Israel, or both places?

Thanks!!!

amother

Wine

Mon, Jan 29 2018, 9:09 am

Anon because too many details.

I got married in Israel 2 years ago but I did all the planning; my parents in ch"l were not involved at all.
We had a 12 week engagement but it really could have been 8 weeks. Everything was finished way before the wedding date.
Will you want a wedding coordinator? I think they are invaluable if you are coming from overseas. I was in my late 30s and was able to take care of everything myself and just hired a coordinator for the day of the wedding. If you as the mom will be doing most of the planning from overseas, you might want an English speaking wedding planner to help you. I can suggest several.

First thing is a date and hall. You should start talking to your daughter about dates that work for the parents and chattan and kallah.
I picked a week that worked for everyone and then I went with a friend to look at a few halls and I also had an Israeli friend call a few others for me to get prices.
I made a checklist of things that were very important to me for the hall, such as underground parking. BH I found a place that was available the week I wanted it very easily. I wanted a day in the middle of the week so that people weren't forced to come for a specific Shabbat. Some friends came for the Shabbat kallah and flew back the day after the wedding. Others came 1-2 days before and stayed for the following Shabbat. And I knew some people wouldn't stay for Shabbat; they flew in just for 3-4 days. Thursday night is the most expensive night to make a wedding.

I don't know if your daughter is chareidi but the non-chareidi halls usually include decor.
I had my dress custom made by a dressmaker in Jerusalem. There are also gemachs. Does your daughter have any recently married friends who can help her with these details?

In my (DL) circles most people use paperless post for the invitations. It's much easier to send the invitations to people in both countries and to keep track of responses.
For the (very few) people who didn't have e mail I just printed the invitation on regular paper and mailed it. I really didn't care. And half of them never got it and we had to share the details by phone anyway.

Music - I'm assuming your daughter has been to some weddings and can ask friends. I'm happy to give recommendations for bands that are used in DL crowds. No experience with chareidi weddings, sorry.

Happy to give more details by PM if you want to create an e mail address and post it here. Or if you have more specific questions, I'll answer here as well.

Mazal Tov!!

southernbubby

Mon, Jan 29 2018, 9:09 am

It seems like the first thing is to make a preliminary guest list so you can get an idea of how many people your side is including and then double that number because both sides are entitled to the same number of guests. Then you know what size hall you need because the date and hall come first in order of preparations. Without knowing those two facts, you can't make invitations.

Remember that the other side must be comfortable with a rushed wedding because it can be more stressful.

rivkam

Mon, Jan 29 2018, 9:09 am

I planned my own wedding in Israel in about 10 weeks (with pesach in the middle!). It wasn't easy at all but very doable. I have friends who used a company called easywed which works with loads of halls/providers and gives you a package deal so that can be great.

The issue I had is that there is just so many options here! You start with booking the hall and then normally according to that you pick a date. I'm not sure how you would plan it from the U.S. considering the time difference and the time frame you're talking about. Your daughter (and her future chatan) basically need to take a very active role in planning the wedding.

Hopefully it'll all go smoothly!

amother

Wine

Mon, Jan 29 2018, 11:55 am

amother wrote:

Thanks everyone for the info so far. Keep it coming, please!

To clarify, we are not chareidi - in the US, we are Modern Orthodox Machmir, which I guess translates to Dati Leumi?? Whatever you call mixed seating at the meal but separate dancing with a mechitza.

Do you want to make the wedding in Jerusalem? Another city? No preference?

Start figuring out how many total guests you will have. Where are the chattan's parents? If they live in Israel, can they help plan?

ra_mom

Mon, Jan 29 2018, 12:51 pm

amother wrote:

Have the invitations printed in both places so you're not held back by waiting for them to arrive in order to mail them out to guests.

DrMom

Mon, Jan 29 2018, 1:19 pm

As I understand it your DD is (B"H) getting married in Israel, and not the US -- correct?

As soon as things are "official," start looking for halls. Do you have a date in mind? An estimate of how many guests? An approximate location/geographic area?

Invites: I'd use an evite, so you don't need to worry about Israeli snail-mail (which used to be fast but is now horribly slow) or printing times.

Of course, you'll need to work this out with the chattan's parents. Are they based in Israel or do they live abroad as well?

chanchy123

Mon, Jan 29 2018, 1:31 pm

We also had a very short engagement 7 weeks. DH did most of the work. The young couple will have to do a lot of the ground work. I also recommend you use a wedding planer just because you are overseas and not a local it will make things easier.
You're going to want to start with a time frame and work from there.
Most families in Israel only have one Shabbat - post wedding and parents split the costs.
Someone upthread mentioned that bride and groom get the same amount of guests.that had not been my experience. Each side invites whoever they want and pays for their own guests (unless there is a huge disparity in finance and one side insists on a really fancy wedding).
In some circles the wedding money is meant to cover expences and is counted on. I don't what the groom's background is but this is something you should discuss in advance.

amother

Wine

Mon, Jan 29 2018, 1:52 pm

chanchy123 wrote:

...
Someone upthread mentioned that bride and groom get the same amount of guests.that had not been my experience. Each side invites whoever they want and pays for their own guests (unless there is a huge disparity in finance and one side insists on a really fancy wedding).

Agreed. OP, if you live overseas and presumably will have less guests than the chattan's side (if they live in Israel) then you should be splitting the costs proportionally. If you will have roughly the same number of guests they will probably expect a 50-50 split of all the expenses.