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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
How to go from "mothers of friends" to "friends"?



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amother
Cerulean


 

Post Thu, Feb 01 2018, 12:23 pm
if you get to know someone through your child and their child being friends, and you speak to each other about arranging playdates, etc... and you like them as a person and would like to become friends with them,... how do you take it to the next level of friendship?? Right now our phone calls consist of playdates, carpools, scheduling, etc. revolving around the kids.

how do you move to actually having a friendship?
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amother
Babyblue


 

Post Thu, Feb 01 2018, 4:59 pm
Invite the family over for a shabbos seudah
Go along on a play date (if your children are very little) shabbos might be a good time
When on the phone about scheduling/carpool ask advice or chat about other topics...call at a time that you know the mother will have time to talk
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cbg




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 01 2018, 5:04 pm
Set up a play date and let the mom know it would be great if she stayed for coffee and cake.
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amother
White


 

Post Thu, Feb 01 2018, 5:18 pm
ask her if she wants to take her kids to an indoor play area with you. I've gone with friends and we brought our kids. the kids played and the moms supervised/shmoozed
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OutATowner




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 01 2018, 8:54 pm
All great suggestions. You can also share useful information that has to do with your kids- like if a kids store has a sale, or ask her if she is going to a certain school event. Friendships often form from natural, everyday conversations.
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yo'ma




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 02 2018, 8:45 am
I would be very blunt and say, I really like you, would you like to go out for a cup of coffee sometime or something?
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cozyblanket




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 02 2018, 8:53 am
Shabbos meal invite.

Invite her to come over with all her kids and visit on a Shabbos afternoon.

When you are on the phone discussing playdates, casually bring up another topic...

I wish I had more time for real friendships myself.


Last edited by cozyblanket on Fri, Feb 02 2018, 12:11 pm; edited 1 time in total
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fmt4




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 02 2018, 9:14 am
yo'ma wrote:
I would be very blunt and say, I really like you, would you like to go out for a cup of coffee sometime or something?

I would not do this. If someone said that to me it would weird me out .
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yo'ma




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 02 2018, 10:10 am
fmt4 wrote:
I would not do this. If someone said that to me it would weird me out .

Possibly, but it all depends on who you are doing it to. For people who I like and want to become friends with wouldn't get weirded out by it. Sometimes you have to be straightforward and you never know. They might feel the same way but too shy to say anything.
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amother
Turquoise


 

Post Sat, Feb 03 2018, 4:08 pm
Ask for advice on child related things is a good first step, because it usually allows you and them to share concerns, hashkafas, feelings, etc, but is a natural outgrowth of what you're already discussing.
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