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Your relationship with Hashem
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amother




Saddlebrown


Post  Tue, Feb 06 2018, 4:28 am
If you are comfortable sharing, could you please describe your relationship with Hashem? What kinds of things do you daven for? What are your feelings and thoughts about Hashem? How much of your attention and focus is centered on these matters? What helps you feel connected... davening in your own words or from a siddur, any particular mitzvos, music, learning, nature, anything else?

I don’t mean to compare at all, I am genuinely curious and interested in how other people relate. I feel a bit stuck on one aspect and even though I know logically that there is a whole world beyond this one element, I have trouble connecting in any other way. For years I thought it’s no big deal, this is how I connect and it’s beautiful, but now I am seeing more and more how all-encompassing it is and how it crowds out everything else.

I guess maybe I’m looking for inspiration.
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amother




Sapphire


Post  Tue, Feb 06 2018, 4:39 am
Care to share the element?
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amother




Saddlebrown


Post  Tue, Feb 06 2018, 7:15 am
amother wrote:
Care to share the element?

Teshuva
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flowerpower









  


Post  Tue, Feb 06 2018, 8:53 am
I talk to hashem throughout the day.
I leave my full trust and worries up to him.
I see his hand in everything. If I arrive late it's because that was the moment I had to get there and not before. If my hair stylist cancelled the last second it's because I had to find someone new that did an even better job.
I say tehillim and daven for many things.
I bring him wherever I go. He is always in my presence.
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amother




Saddlebrown


Post  Tue, Feb 06 2018, 9:06 am
Thank you for sharing, that’s really beautiful. I try to do the same thing. This might be more of a question for a rabbi but what do you think someone’s relationship with Hashem should be like following a string of ridiculously bad choices against Halacha with ongoing damage? Things that can’t be fixed easily, some of them not at all. Can that person ever have a “normal” relationship with Hashem, or is that person’s “normal” going to be inherently different and changed from then on?
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cozyblanket









  


Post  Tue, Feb 06 2018, 9:17 am
Re: the OP, I tell Hashem I am in the palm of his hand as is my family. Ask Him to please protect us and guide us because we are completely in HIS hands.

Re: your second post... that type of situation would have long-term effects on relationships with people. But Hashem is not like that. We know that He is all-powerful. One of HIS powers is to be able to completely heal the relationship between Him and and individual following teshuva. Hashem loves you and the power of Teshuva is that you really can erase what you've done. I don't see things I chose in the past as affecting relationship with Hashem a negative way in the present.


Last edited by cozyblanket on Tue, Feb 06 2018, 9:20 am; edited 1 time in total
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flowerpower









  


Post  Tue, Feb 06 2018, 9:19 am
amother wrote:
Thank you for sharing, that’s really beautiful. I try to do the same thing. This might be more of a question for a rabbi but what do you think someone’s relationship with Hashem should be like following a string of ridiculously bad choices against Halacha with ongoing damage? Things that can’t be fixed easily, some of them not at all. Can that person ever have a “normal” relationship with Hashem, or is that person’s “normal” going to be inherently different and changed from then on?


Hashem always accepts teshuva. Even when they are at the lowest. He always gives a second chance. You have to really mean it though. Has to come from the heart.
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amother




Aubergine


Post  Tue, Feb 06 2018, 9:32 am
Im following this thread...im really struggling with my relationship with Hashem at the moment. I wish it was better. I just dont know what to do. Going through infertility and its making me feel so alone. I really tried yesterday. My davening is out the window but yesterday I decided to try and daven mincha...it was hopeless my connection is just not there anymore..
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relish









  


Post  Tue, Feb 06 2018, 9:36 am
amother wrote:
Thank you for sharing, that’s really beautiful. I try to do the same thing. This might be more of a question for a rabbi but what do you think someone’s relationship with Hashem should be like following a string of ridiculously bad choices against Halacha with ongoing damage? Things that can’t be fixed easily, some of them not at all. Can that person ever have a “normal” relationship with Hashem, or is that person’s “normal” going to be inherently different and changed from then on?

That person should get up and dance, every time they feel down. The remorse and regret (aka negative thoughts) that such a person feels, are not going to bring this person closer to Hashem.

Every single Jew has a neshama that wants that Jew to do only good. The yetzer Horah gets in the way. One of the things we daven for is to remove there yetzer Horah from behind us, because once we do the sin, he gets us stuck in the loop of negative thoughts.

Negative thoughts are negative energy. How can someone be doing good, and come closer to Hashem when they are stuck in negative energy? So, the Chachomim say that when you are feeling down about your sins, get up and dance, create positive energy, so your neshama can lead the way, and you can find Hashem in your life again.

Embrace yourself, and accept yourself for who you are. Yes, you've sinned, but that is not who you are. You are a Jew! You are a radiant neshama! A part of God himself! Tap into that part of you! Tap into the godly, accepting, whole, safe part of you, and work to let go of the negativity! Work on the concept called azivas hachet. Work on that until there is no more negativity, or bad feelings about yourself, left in you.

You already did the charata portion. Let it go! That is the real hard work! Focus on positivity!

The place that ba'ali teshuva stand is higher than tzadikkim gemurim because of this difficult and intense work! You can do this!

If this resonates with you and you need ideas broken down into practical steps, we can discuss it further.
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relish









  


Post  Tue, Feb 06 2018, 9:56 am
amother wrote:
Im following this thread...im really struggling with my relationship with Hashem at the moment. I wish it was better. I just dont know what to do. Going through infertility and its making me feel so alone. I really tried yesterday. My davening is out the window but yesterday I decided to try and daven mincha...it was hopeless my connection is just not there anymore..

Rabbi Yosef vigler gave a lecture about this concept last week Wednesday.
He explained from the meshech chochma on Moshe breaking the luchos, that sometimes we can make our judeasm into a "thing", an expectation.

When judeasm is a "thing" in our minds, we lose the present moment. We get stuck in the story of our expectations, and lose the present moment. In order to stay grounded in our avodas Hashem, we need to let go of what we think davening, (or Shabbos, or any mitzva) should look and feel like, and be in the moment with what is happening right now.

Hashem wants us to be in this darkness, in this moment, right now. He doesn't want it to feel amazing when we do this mitzva, or we would feel amazing doing it. He wants us to be in the dark about it. He wants us to accept that and stay in the moment.


-----
A funny thing happens when we do that, and overcome the urge to go back to the story of our expectations. We end up coming out more ahead than our expectations were to begin with. It takes a lot of effort and doesn't happen overnight, but with acceptance, and staying in the moment, we can overcome that struggle!

(This post is talking to myself. I'm stuck in this same exact place right now. It's one of the hardest things I've ever attempted to do! From experience, just know, that 1 nanosecond of being in the moment is a huge win!!)
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amother




Saddlebrown


Post  Tue, Feb 06 2018, 11:25 am
I have trouble trusting that I can be forgiven. Not because I don’t believe Hashem forgives, chas vshalom. I don’t believe I did real teshuva. I don’t know if I am capable anymore of real teshuva. It’s a complicated, unfortunate situation. I ruined my ability to fix things. I never know anymore if I am sincere.
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amother




Tan


Post  Tue, Feb 06 2018, 11:35 am
My relationship with Hashem is that I know 100% that everything is from Him and all is his will but I cannot believe that he actually loves me.

After much introspection, I realized that the problem is that I dont love myself and therefore I cannot believe that Hashem Loves me.

To OP - If I may through out this thought... perhaps you have a hard time accepting yourself and believing in yourself?
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relish









  


Post  Tue, Feb 06 2018, 11:39 am
amother wrote:
I have trouble trusting that I can be forgiven. Not because I don’t believe Hashem forgives, chas vshalom. I don’t believe I did real teshuva. I don’t know if I am capable anymore of real teshuva. It’s a complicated, unfortunate situation. I ruined my ability to fix things. I never know anymore if I am sincere.

The fact that you can't trust, is a sign that you still have work to do. That's a good thing, it's a sign of life!

Trust comes when we open ourselves up to allow Hashem in. We can do this in so many different ways.
Hashem is the life force behind everything.

When you go out into nature and breath in the fresh air, while taking the time to notice the sounds, scents, and sites, you are allowing Hashem's positive energy into you!

When you thank Hashem for the good he bestows on you each day, you are opening yourself up to allowing that goodness into you, and it changes you.

When you find something good in you, and focus on that part of you, you are once again bringing His positivity into your mind.

Positive energy is about trust, love and acceptance.
Negative energy is about fight/flight freeze or faint emotions. Im not saying that it doesn't have its place. I don't know enough to say that. I do know that it's not helping you ATM, so it's probably better for you to try another way for now.
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amother




Ginger


Post  Tue, Feb 06 2018, 11:45 am
amother wrote:
Thank you for sharing, that’s really beautiful. I try to do the same thing. This might be more of a question for a rabbi but what do you think someone’s relationship with Hashem should be like following a string of ridiculously bad choices against Halacha with ongoing damage? Things that can’t be fixed easily, some of them not at all. Can that person ever have a “normal” relationship with Hashem, or is that person’s “normal” going to be inherently different and changed from then on?


I want to share with you something that has helped me.

I read in "Nefesh Hachayim" (by R' Chaim Volozhin), that when someone is going through suffering, and they accept the suffering with love, then ALL their past aveiros turn into mitzvos.

I have always struggled with the concept of suffering in general, but this concept not only made me understand suffering better, but helped me embrace it. After all - that is quite a bargain, IMHO!
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amother




Gray


Post  Tue, Feb 06 2018, 12:27 pm
amother wrote:
I have trouble trusting that I can be forgiven. Not because I don’t believe Hashem forgives, chas vshalom. I don’t believe I did real teshuva. I don’t know if I am capable anymore of real teshuva. It’s a complicated, unfortunate situation. I ruined my ability to fix things. I never know anymore if I am sincere.

Do you mind sharing ?
Sometimes things we do cannot be fixed in a way that it looks fixed in this world but this world is only a piece of Hashems master plan. In Hashems eyes we can do things to rectify our actions even if we cannot see that it's fixed in this world.
I don't know your specifics but one example.
Let's say we caused someone tremendous pain and suffering and we are not in the position to rectify that.
We can work on being extra sensitive to others people's needs. We can find a person who needs help but is a difficult person that is not pleasant to deal with and help them with extra sensitivity.
We cannot control what happens to others only our decisions. If we made bad ones look to make good ones in the same area we messed up.
We can ask hashem to help us fix what we did and provide us ways we can. The main thing is not to let it get you depressed rather a call to action.
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amother




Burlywood


Post  Tue, Feb 06 2018, 1:41 pm
amother wrote:
I never know anymore if I am sincere.


Not trusting yourself to know how you feel can be a sign of depression in my personal experience. Therapy, meds, and mindfulness exercises can help. Have you tried any of these?
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momnaturally









  


Post  Fri, Feb 09 2018, 1:15 am
amother wrote:
Im following this thread...im really struggling with my relationship with Hashem at the moment. I wish it was better. I just dont know what to do. Going through infertility and its making me feel so alone. I really tried yesterday. My davening is out the window but yesterday I decided to try and daven mincha...it was hopeless my connection is just not there anymore..

Instead of trying to find hashem tell hashem to find you. You feel lonely,sad, hopeless tell that to hashem. You don't need to cry tefillos to hashem you can cry tears of just plain sadness just instead of crying them yourself cry them to hashem.
Ask hashem why do you want me to be sad ?
Why do you want me to be hopeless ?
You can develop a very close relationship with hashem without uplifting inspiration.
Emo anochi vitzara. Hashem is with us in our tzaros. If you are sad Hashem is sad with you
he feels your pain.
It's hard to approach someone for help or advice if you feel they don't understand you and don't really feel for you.
The same thing is with hashem. Once you feel Hashem feels your pain and it hurts him too, then you will be comfortable asking him to help you.
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amother




Sienna


Post  Fri, Feb 09 2018, 6:20 am
amother wrote:
I want to share with you something that has helped me.

I read in "Nefesh Hachayim" (by R' Chaim Volozhin), that when someone is going through suffering, and they accept the suffering with love, then ALL their past aveiros turn into mitzvos.

I have always struggled with the concept of suffering in general, but this concept not only made me understand suffering better, but helped me embrace it. After all - that is quite a bargain, IMHO!


But on a practical level, is there any human being that accepts "suffering with love"? When someone is going thru real suffering, they always ask hashem for rachamim and to change the matziv.
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amother




Firebrick


Post  Fri, Feb 09 2018, 6:45 am
amother wrote:
I have trouble trusting that I can be forgiven. Not because I don’t believe Hashem forgives, chas vshalom. I don’t believe I did real teshuva. I don’t know if I am capable anymore of real teshuva. It’s a complicated, unfortunate situation. I ruined my ability to fix things. I never know anymore if I am sincere.


What do you think real teshuva is? Beating yourself up badly enough for your transgressions? I don't think so. I think it's being regretful but more than that it's knowing that faced with the same situation in the future you would not make those bad choices again. And it's certainly not walking around guilty and sad about it all the time. That's the yetzer harah trying to convince you that you are the lowest of the low and beyond forgiveness when it couldn't be further from the truth. Move forward in joy.
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amother




Oak


Post  Fri, Feb 09 2018, 9:41 am
I have lost my faith in god. Ive had a lot of suffering over the years, big and small things. I havent davened to god in years. I yell st him a lot during my day. I do thank god for the small good things I see every now and then. So I would say my relationship with god is one of extreme anger and not connected at all to anything religious at all (havent benched in a while, dont cover as much hair as I used to). Its what I have to do to get through each day.
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