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What is your immediate reaction when you see a child/adult
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amother
Mustard


 

Post Tue, Feb 06 2018, 10:10 pm
that has a visible disability/facial anomaly, is differently abled or has medical device/s?

So what's your reaction?
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amother
Orange


 

Post Tue, Feb 06 2018, 10:15 pm
Right now today as a parent of children w autism who are struggling probably BH they have a VISIBLE disability.

On a normal day when no one is struggling probably no reaction.

Oh hang on there is no such thing as a normal day.

OP why are you asking?
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amother
Plum


 

Post Tue, Feb 06 2018, 10:15 pm
I tend to think she has greater intuitive abilities, and is further evolved than others.
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amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Tue, Feb 06 2018, 10:17 pm
Sad for them. The world is hard enough on average people, imagine being "different".
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daagahminayin




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 06 2018, 10:22 pm
My reaction is often to say a silent prayer: “Please Hashem, look after this person and help them to have a happy life”. It also reminds me to thank Hashem for my health and abilities and to be grateful that I have whatever I see this person lacking.
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amother
Babyblue


 

Post Tue, Feb 06 2018, 10:26 pm
Honestly I have a family member with a lot of medical needs. When I meet someone clearly challenged in some way, I feel intense admiration for the mother/caregiver. I know how hard the job is.
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amother
Mustard


 

Post Tue, Feb 06 2018, 10:26 pm
jc. cuz I grew up with a sister with sn. on the spectrum type. s/t I wished she was handicapped so people will not judge us when she has a massive meltdown.

as a mom to a baby who has a trach and a visible malformation. people get so scared off. some see past her anomaly, and see her gorgeous smile and eyes. and some...
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amother
Brunette


 

Post Tue, Feb 06 2018, 10:33 pm
My initial thought is not always what I want it to be. As an empath, many times, I will have a thought, usually the most negative thing the person is thinking about themselves at the moment. It's like they are asking me to pray for them. So, I do.

I cry inside to Hashem. I beg Hashem that my thoughts should change. I know that by doing this prayer, I'm am praying for both of us. But I really dislike having negative thoughts be the trigger to daven.

I do know that through this prayer, I am helping the individual, so I am grateful.


Last edited by amother on Sun, Mar 25 2018, 8:49 am; edited 1 time in total
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 07 2018, 4:37 am
I thank Hashem for the medical advances that allow this child to live as comfortably as possible. I also think that the child is housing the soul of a great tzaddik who is here to teach us something about ourselves.

As a person with "invisible illness", I sometimes wish I had something visible about me, because I see visibly disabled people treated with a lot more compassion and care by strangers.
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DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 07 2018, 4:57 am
I think of how difficult it must be to be that person, and how strong he must be to not let it hold him back.

I think of how shallow I am for every time I may have expressed dissatisfaction with my own appearance.
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amother
Bronze


 

Post Wed, Feb 07 2018, 6:10 am
amother wrote:
Right now today as a parent of children w autism who are struggling probably BH they have a VISIBLE disability.

On a normal day when no one is struggling probably no reaction.

Oh hang on there is no such thing as a normal day.

OP why are you asking?


THIS

I am in the same boat as u...
But I think after 10 seconds seeing my son, people are clued in & see his autism or that part of him.
Example: yesterday he had a dentist appt. In the waiting room a young Child was playing on the wii. He doesn’t like looking at animated things on tv. Don’t ask me why but whatever....
the second we arrived & he saw this other kid, he reacted in his ‘special way’. So In 2 seconds everyone around us knew ‘something was off’. I calmly told him he can wait outside in the hallway till his name is called. He’s 13 so it’s fine to do that
But I’m so used to it & this is a huge improvement over a disregulated meltdown which would have happened 3 years ago. & I would have wanted to die
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 07 2018, 6:52 am
I don't really think any differently than I would seeing someone who is not visibly struggling with some kind of challenge.

Because we all have nisyonos, and you never know. Maybe that person in a wheelchair is one of those lucky folks who has learned to appreciate every moment of life, and is full of joy. Who knows why that child is throwing a tantrum, but a sympathetic smile and kind word may help. Maybe that drooling old man was a brain surgeon before he was afflicted with Alzheimer's, and saved countless lives.

My general philosophy is, don't make assumptions about me, and I won't make assumptions about you.
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unexpected




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 07 2018, 6:57 am
No reaction
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amother
Natural


 

Post Thu, Feb 08 2018, 4:57 pm
My reaction is always curiosity. Wondering what it is that they have. Not in a bad way or a good way, just a neutral, genuinely curious way. When I see something different than the norm, I just like to understand what it is.
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 08 2018, 5:03 pm
I always think of the parents. That's where my mind goes first. Just thinking how hard it must be for them.
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Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 08 2018, 5:14 pm
No reaction really. Business as usual. I’m not really the type that gets curious about random people on the street. With the exception of when I see people dressed secular but speaking fluent yiddish. That gets me wondering.
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 08 2018, 5:16 pm
I have respect for the family for being strong and dealing with them on a daily basis. I can only imagine how much Goes into caring for them physically and emotionally.
I have respect for that person because I feel that they do have a pure soul.
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Fox




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 08 2018, 5:16 pm
I make a concerted effort not to feel pity and to be as matter-of-fact as possible. It's okay to emphathize with people's legitimate struggles, but just feeling sorry for people without any real knowledge or understanding is kind of condescending.

When my DD with Nager Syndrome was alive, the absolute worst were the pitying looks and assumptions about how awful it must be to have a child with any kind of significant problem. There were more than a few times when I wanted to shout at somebody, "Hey, my kid may have a craniofacial syndrome, but at least she's not as stupid as your dumb-as-a-rock kid!"

For all I know, that person with a disability is looking at me and thinking, "Thank you, G-d, for giving me this problem instead of making me as fat/disorganized/messy as that lady over there."
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amother
Tan


 

Post Thu, Feb 08 2018, 7:21 pm
I know how people react, because I lived it.

My mother was sick when I was growing up, and she was in a wheelchair. Children, especially, used to get frightened, and wouldn't come near her or the wheelchair, I think adults didn't like it either but are just better at hiding it.

The automatic assumption when you see someone disabled is to assume they are not smart, or don't have value. This is not to blame anyone, but it's just a fact. We react differently to a thin, pretty young woman than to an older, disabled woman in a wheelchair. It's automatic.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 08 2018, 8:15 pm
Just because I'm honest - my initial reaction is almost always to (silently, of course) wonder about the cause of the difference (if it's not obvious, e.g. Down Syndrome is usually easier to recognize than, say, "I wonder why she needs oxygen.") This is not a judgment or anything, it's just my instinctive reaction because I'm a curious person who has a lot of questions about anything and everything and loves to know a lot of things.

Then my SECOND reaction is usually one of those mentioned above, not always the same one, depends on the individual or the setting or my mood or whatever. Usually something respectful and positive, sometimes pity. Never fear, I'm not a fearful sort, and not disdain - I save disdain for other occasions Wink (which I usually regret, anyway.)
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