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Blessing1









  


Post  Sun, Feb 11 2018, 8:17 pm
Oliveoil, sorry to burst your bubble, but it's really not appropriate for a 10 year old & 8 year old to shower together. And spending an HOUR in there together would raise red flags for most normal people. As their mom it's your responsibility to teach them privacy & boundaries. There are enough other ways to bond & create memories.
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oliveoil









  


Post  Sun, Feb 11 2018, 8:36 pm
Blessing1 wrote:
Oliveoil, sorry to burst your bubble, but it's really not appropriate for a 10 year old & 8 year old to shower together. And spending an HOUR in there together would raise red flags for most normal people. As their mom it's your responsibility to teach them privacy & boundaries. There are enough other ways to bond & create memories.


Maybe it's wrong for your family, but it works for us. The door is open, I come in and out, they're playing and talking, much as their many siblings did before them.

We have a healthy sense of privacy and boundaries - separate baths is not the be all end all of that.

Different families do things in different ways. There is rarely and objective right and wrong that would apply across the board.
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Blessing1









  


Post  Sun, Feb 11 2018, 8:55 pm
Even if it work for you, doesn't mean it's ok...
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oliveoil









  


Post  Sun, Feb 11 2018, 9:02 pm
And just because you do things differently, doesn't mean the way I (and many others) do things is not ok.
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groisamomma









  


Post  Sun, Feb 11 2018, 9:09 pm
Oliveoil, I remember spending hours playing "house" with my sisters as we schmoozed in the bath. When the water got cold we just shifted over and added hot water.

My own younger girls (11 and 9) occasionally ask to shower together in bathing suits but they make a racket and a flood so that's going to stop soon.

I can totally hear the bonding thing though it doesn't work for everyone. My oldest DD likes her privacy so she stopped bathing with her sisters by the time she was 4 or 5.
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Blessing1









  


Post  Sun, Feb 11 2018, 9:18 pm
With a bathing suit there's no issue.
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amother




Orchid


Post  Sun, Feb 11 2018, 9:51 pm
amother wrote:
Definitely not at this age. But, why is the 8 year taking a bath and not a shower? At this age you should not have to supervise her.


just baffled: whats wrong with taking a bath? Confused
there are many people who prefer taking baths over showers! (myself included Smile )
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SisterSix









  


Post  Sun, Feb 11 2018, 10:03 pm
I remember bathing with my sister, two years older, until we started showering. Maybe I was 8-9 when we stopped? We also would just play together in there for a long time
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amother




Tan


Post  Mon, Feb 12 2018, 1:26 am
I remember occasionally taking a shower together with my brother. We both wore underwear. I was about 4 and he was 11. We just played together, no touching.
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petiteruchy









  


Post  Mon, Feb 12 2018, 10:41 am
You are blowing this way out of proportion. I would HOPE an 8 yo knows private parts are private, and probably your tone of voice scared her into covering up. It's not a bad thing... if you caught your kids about to sneak a cookie from a cupboard, and they covered up by saying they were just getting a piece of fruit, would you really think there was something wrong with them or ban them from the kitchen for life? No! You'd remind them about the rules, remind them of the consequences of lying and/or taking things that they aren't allowed to have, and move on.

Kids push boundaries and make silly, unplanned decisions all the time. She simply needs a little reminder that we all have private parts, and in a family, because we share bathrooms, babysit siblings, play together, we have to exercise our judgement and not touch, and not ask to touch - we have to protect each other's dignity and privacy.

I don't know about your family planning decisions, but in a couple of years she's going to be in a position of babysitting either her own siblings or other people's children. You need to be calm, factual and understanding, not anxious, reactionary and strident, or you really DO risk causing damage.
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petiteruchy









  


Post  Mon, Feb 12 2018, 10:47 am
My kids bath together - 8 and 5, both girls. They have definitely needed reminders. But no more than, say, "no, you can't call your sister names" or "no, you can't hit your sister because she won't play with you" and "no, for the last time, the pink toothpaste is not candy, stop eating it!" I mean, if I had a dollar for all the bizarre statements and off the cuff rules that I never imagined I'd have to actually say before having kids, I'd be a rich woman. Kids are weird, they explore and they have the memories of goldfish. It's NORMAL.
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Chayalle









  


Post  Mon, Feb 12 2018, 11:37 am
I think it's normal enough for young siblings to bathe together, but it should phase out by a certain age. Alot depends on the personalities of the kids involved. I'm pretty sure I started bathing on my own at around age 6-7, based on my memories...I remember my older brother used to turn the shower on for me (because for some reason I was scared of that "burst" and didn't do it myself), but he would leave the bathroom while I was still dressed.

I don't like making extreme cases out of something normal - I totally don't go for not allowing a sibling to see when a diaper is being changed. Changing a diaper is a normal activity, and the fact that there are gender differences is also normal. Making it into something hyper-zeksual is not, IMVHO, healthy for normal development of siblings. B"EH they will grow up to be Mommys and Daddys and they will change diapers, so it should be a normal part of life.

OTOH there should be boundaries in place in a family, and at a certain age, we become aware of our bodies and our privacy, for sure with the opposite gender.
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FranticFrummie









  


Post  Mon, Feb 12 2018, 11:45 am
oliveoil wrote:
And just because you do things differently, doesn't mean the way I (and many others) do things is not ok.


My sister and I are 3 years apart, and we bathed together all the time. I don't exactly remember when it stopped. I think it had something to do with her hogging all the hot water, and us both getting too big to fit in the tub comfortably. We were never curious about each other's private parts.

DD used to love taking baths with me, but we had bubble bath, so nothing much was showing above the bubbles except our heads and shoulders. She was also never curious about my body. I stopped when she started kicking me in the tub. She still remembers fondly the talks we used to have, and how I would play games with her bathtub toys.

Today, she's super tznius, but that comes with being an awkward teenager who tends to be on the chubby side. Nothing to do with body shame in general.
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amother




Denim


Post  Mon, Feb 12 2018, 2:11 pm
Can’t agree more with Chayelle on the diaper changing thing . I should kick all my boys out of the room when I change my newborn daughters diaper ??? Sometimes they actually sit and watch with genuine curiosity and it’s fine with me . They are processing the differences . If they ask any questions I’ll just answer and then move on to other more relevant topics like homework and supper .
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amother




Denim


Post  Mon, Feb 12 2018, 2:13 pm
Point being , do not overreact . Not a major deal . Just yeh , stop the baths together .
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Miri7









  


Post  Mon, Feb 12 2018, 3:09 pm
I've found that this happens for each kid at a certain age - they become interested in the private parts of their opposite-gender sibling. I use it as an opportunity to talk about not touching others, etc, etc.

I will also ask if they have questions (like "where does the pee come out of?") because generally kids are curious and want to have their questions answered, and at this age, touching is usually just about curiosity and wanting to understand. I want them to know they can come to me for straight answers.
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