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S/o"frummer"-an acceptance exercise-what does YOUR Rav hold?
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little neshamala




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Feb 22 2018, 7:15 pm
So I've been extremely bothered by the recent threads about accepting others and not looking down on people who keep halacha/chumra differently than others...what bothers me is the blockage some people here have with understanding that Halacha is so complex, it often needs a Rav to interpret it for us- and that as long as you ask your Rav, what he tells you is the halacha for you!!

So I thought it might be enlightening for people to see just how differently Rabbanim paskin-keeping in mind we are all doing the right thing simply by listening to what we were directed
.

I respectfully ask that you only contribute your details/differences if that is what your Rav holds. The point of this thread is to educate some of the public that there are differences in opinion among Rabbanim- not that we are all free to pick and choose as we like ch"v.

I'll Start: (randomly, off the top of my head.....)

My Right wing-Yeshivish Rav holds that:
-white tissues are not mekabel tuma, nor are pads. As long as I don't feel a hargasha, I can have a heavy flow on a pad and still not be nida, providing it doesnt cover more than a (large) set area in a certain timeframe.
-there is such a thing as feeling a hargasha, and this has made me nida before. He holds it is the specific sensation of blood leaving my body-only applies if I know for certain the feeling was unique to blood (such that I feel when in middle of a heavy period) as opposed to other fluid.
-It is LECHATCHILA permissable to expose a tefach of hair from ear to ear. He holds a tefach is equal to a MAN's large fingers, four across, and specified if its the fingers of a small man hand it doesnt count. Large.
-It is not permissable to throw out edible bread. We should also not rely on the option of double wrapping it. If its edible it should be left out for the birds.
-LECHATCHILA the area between ankle and knee does not need to be covered with a stocking. it may be bare halachicly. (He suggested I cover it anyway as a kolel wife, to keep with the image of the minhag hamakom. But he stressed since its not halacha I really have no reason to be wary about it covered in my own home and property, when answering the door etc)
-To transfer the status of an overn from milchig to fleishig and vice versa, turn it on to highest temp for 45 minutes.
-coloring sugar for sand art is not permissable-issue of bal tashchis
-yoga is mutar, including all positions, including the sun salutations-as long as we are not doing the positions for the purpose of Avoda Zara. If I do the pose simply as an excercise pose and mute the video for the part thats Avoda Zara like, its ok.
-when in labor, even if nida, husband is allowed to help me physically in any way, as long as it helps me that it is him doing it. if I feel more encouraged, more supported, etc, he may help me physically-just nothing in a Derech Chiba (no hug, kiss etc). But hypnobirthing assistance and massage is fine.
-The mitzvah of maaser begins after our essentials have been taken care of. There is no mitzvah to give maaser if we havent first covered our necessary expenses.
-One may not pet their animal in a friendly playful way on Shabbos-only allowed to give them what is absolutely required.

now...HERE IS THE CHALLENGE!!!
Read the above, acknowledge that some of what I wrote may be more machmir than what you hold, or some may be more lenient. Then nod, say "Yep, every Rav holds differently, what a beautiful thing that we ask a Rav." you may also feel free to post polite comments, such as "how interesting" or "wow, I never knew that." Please also feel free to say if your Rav holds differently than mine etc as long as its said respectfully.

let us practice the art of being accepting and understanding of our differences, and learn to acknowledge that they ARE ALL CORRECT so long as they were directed by ones Rav.

I look forward to learning from all of you.
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WhatFor




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Feb 22 2018, 7:26 pm
Quote:
let us practice the art of being accepting and understanding of our differences, and learn to acknowledge that they ARE ALL CORRECT so long as they were directed by ones Rav.


I appreciate your post, but just want to point out that not everyone here holds that all the things you posted require approval from a rav.
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little neshamala




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Feb 22 2018, 7:30 pm
WhatFor wrote:
Quote:
let us practice the art of being accepting and understanding of our differences, and learn to acknowledge that they ARE ALL CORRECT so long as they were directed by ones Rav.


I appreciate your post, but just want to point out that not everyone here holds that all the things you posted require approval from a rav.


No problem at all. That just shows one more difference we can learn to acknowledge respectfully.
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thunderstorm




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Feb 22 2018, 7:35 pm
Just to prove your point that other rabbanim hold differently . My right wing yeshivish Rav does not permiss the changeover from Fleishigs to Milchig but only to Parve in my oven. The reason being that I may forget that I did milchigs last and put in a fleishig thing in the oven accidentally without burning it out first. I could do covered milchigs though.
I actually found your post interesting . It's nice to see that you ask so much. I would never think of asking about sand art for example.
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naturalmom5




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Feb 22 2018, 7:37 pm
OP.... Can I ask if this is very OOT.. Many things on your list are halachically sound but would be political suicide in Lakewood or Monsey.

If this Rov is in those places, I don't believe he would say some of these things publicly. Perhaps, he told them to do quietly..
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amother




Babyblue


Post  Thu, Feb 22 2018, 7:40 pm
I am curious what's up with consulting your rav about the minutiae of your life. And whether you pay him a salary, as you would a consultant in any other area of your life.

Couldn't you or your dh research the halacha yourselves?

I'm sincerely asking out of curiosity. I never saw my parents call and ask a shaila. My father would open a few seforim and resolve the question on his own.
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little neshamala




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Feb 22 2018, 7:42 pm
naturalmom5 wrote:
OP.... Can I ask if this is very OOT.. Many things on your list are halachically sound but would be political suicide in Lakewood or Monsey.

If this Rov is in those places, I don't believe he would say some of these things publicly. Perhaps, he told them to do quietly..


Lol I live in monsey. Hes not saying this quietly. He's very well respected and has no need to
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little neshamala




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Feb 22 2018, 7:47 pm
amother wrote:
I am curious what's up with consulting your rav about the minutiae of your life. And whether you pay him a salary, as you would a consultant in any other area of your life.

Couldn't you or your dh research the halacha yourselves?

I'm sincerely asking out of curiosity. I never saw my parents call and ask a shaila. My father would open a few seforim and resolve the question on his own.


Interesting question. Growing up I never saw my parents ask shailas...but I grew up in a pretty dysfunctional home, so I never saw a lot of things...this ended up with me BH getting a lot of very solid hadracha from smart people who taught me the importance of having a kesher with a Rav.

Once we started consulting with a Rav for larger things such as chinuch or crazy nida questionsn we just ask the smaller stuff too. And are often surprised at the answers, which just encourages us to ask more.

No of course we dont pay him. Lol. Do people do that? We just meet with him/ text him every so often or as the need arises

ETA- we do technically pay him by paying his salary through hefty shul membership. We dont pay him a fee every time he speaks to us


Last edited by little neshamala on Wed, Jun 13 2018, 9:25 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother




Smokey


Post  Thu, Feb 22 2018, 7:50 pm
Ok little neshamala. I am so so curious. Who is your Rav? Can you post it for 30 seconds and then erase it? I’m moving to Monsey soon and need to find one.
Ps I’m coming from yeshivish OOT, which is pretty different from yeshivish in town
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Mommyg8




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Feb 22 2018, 7:51 pm
amother wrote:
I am curious what's up with consulting your rav about the minutiae of your life. And whether you pay him a salary, as you would a consultant in any other area of your life.

Couldn't you or your dh research the halacha yourselves?

I'm sincerely asking out of curiosity. I never saw my parents call and ask a shaila. My father would open a few seforim and resolve the question on his own.


I know someone who opens up seforim and paskens on his own... the results are not always good, to put it mildly. עשה לך רב is an important concept.


Last edited by Mommyg8 on Thu, Feb 22 2018, 8:28 pm; edited 1 time in total
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little neshamala




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Feb 22 2018, 7:54 pm
amother wrote:
Ok little neshamala. I am so so curious. Who is your Rav? Can you post it for 30 seconds and then erase it? I’m moving to Monsey soon and need to find one.
Ps I’m coming from yeshivish OOT, which is pretty different from yeshivish in town.


I dont want to do that because people on here who know me may figure out who I am. But youre more than welcome to PM me
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amother




Copper


Post  Thu, Feb 22 2018, 7:58 pm
We have a rav, and when I was making money, we wrote out a nice check to his Shul/yeshiva 2-3 times a year, specifically because he is our rav. Now that I am living off of tzedaka embarrassed until I can get back on my feet, I still turn to him, but I don't pay him.

I thought it was a given that you give money to your rav. Of course he won't accept personally, but his salary is paid through yeshiva/Shul, and extra money goes to maintainance, so this is our way of giving back to him, when we can.
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thunderstorm




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Feb 22 2018, 8:04 pm
amother wrote:
I am curious what's up with consulting your rav about the minutiae of your life. And whether you pay him a salary, as you would a consultant in any other area of your life.

Couldn't you or your dh research the halacha yourselves?

I'm sincerely asking out of curiosity. I never saw my parents call and ask a shaila. My father would open a few seforim and resolve the question on his own.

My highschool teacher used to try to encourage me to get myself a Rav. My mother had one and she asked EVERYTHING. I thought every yid was required to have a Rav and to ask shailos on things we are not 100% sure about. For example : My toddler emptied out my Pesach chins all over a chometz floor in middle of Kislev. I called my Rav to ask if it was an issue.
I discovered milchig pot cover went through my fleishigs dishwasher load, I called my Rav to see if all was treifed up.
I was rushing to the ER with my DS for stitches an hour before Shabbos and wasn't sure if we'd make it home in time for Shabbos- we called the Rav from my car for step by step instructions of how to proceed etc.
I think having a Rav to ask makes it a lot easier for us, knowing we are using guidance.
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little neshamala




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Feb 22 2018, 8:10 pm
Clarifying that we technically pay our Rav through shul membership...
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amother




Puce


Post  Thu, Feb 22 2018, 8:27 pm
In Lakewood:

- foods don’t need hechsherim as long as the ingredients are kosher (including on Pesach)

- all gelatin is kosher

- sometimes dairy and meat can even be in oven tog (don’t know details bec never did it)

- sinks, counters, stove tops don’t need to be kashered for Pesach just cleaned well

- you can go to the Mikva with a manicure

That’s just off the top of my head. He also holds some other more stringent things that I didn’t mention as I have a feeling ppl will not have a difficult time accepting those Wink
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Seas




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Feb 22 2018, 8:32 pm
little neshamala wrote:

-To transfer the status of an overn from milchig to fleishig and vice versa, turn it on to highest temp for 45 minutes.

-One may not pet their animal in a friendly playful way on Shabbos-only allowed to give them what is absolutely required.


I won't comment on the other stuff that you wrote, but these two are almost certainly a mistake (namely you're mistaken about the psak).

We don't normally kasher utensils or ovens from milchig to fleishig, only from milchig and fleishig to parev. There are circumstances when it's allowed, but normally it's not.

Petting or touching an animal isn't a problem of muktzah, only lifting or moving it. One may even walk a dog on Shabbos with a lead (in the street with no eruv), as long as it's held fairly taut, not too close to the ground, and there isn't a tefach sticking out of the hand in the other direction (past the hand, not between the hand and the dog).

If anything your post highlights the need to check halacha with a rav, rather than relying on hearsay on the internet.
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thunderstorm




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Feb 22 2018, 8:32 pm
amother wrote:
In Lakewood:

- foods don’t need hechsherim as long as the ingredients are kosher (including on Pesach)

- all gelatin is kosher

- sometimes dairy and meat can even be in oven tog (don’t know details bec never did it)

- sinks, counters, stove tops don’t need to be kashered for Pesach just cleaned well

- you can go to the Mikva with a manicure

That’s just off the top of my head. He also holds some other more stringent things that I didn’t mention as I have a feeling ppl will not have a difficult time accepting those Wink

Regarding koshering for Pesach you didn't specify the material of the counters and sinks. For example stainless steel and enamel are different. Granite and Formica are different. Is this a general rule he holds on ALL types of materials ? Curious.
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PinkFridge




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Feb 22 2018, 8:33 pm
Kol hakavod to anyone who has a relationship with a rav. It brings bracha on so many levels.
Puce, your rav sounds like a das yachid in some areas.
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amother




Puce


Post  Thu, Feb 22 2018, 8:33 pm
Bizzydizzymommy wrote:
Regarding koshering for Pesach you didn't specify the material of the counters and sinks. For example stainless steel and enamel are different. Granite and Formica are different. Is this a general rule he holds on ALL types of materials ? Curious.


Yes. And nothing needs to be covered.
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little neshamala




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Feb 22 2018, 8:34 pm
amother wrote:
In Lakewood:

- foods don’t need hechsherim as long as the ingredients are kosher (including on Pesach)

- all gelatin is kosher

- sometimes dairy and meat can even be in oven tog (don’t know details bec never did it)

- sinks, counters, stove tops don’t need to be kashered for Pesach just cleaned well

- you can go to the Mikva with a manicure

That’s just off the top of my head. He also holds some other more stringent things that I didn’t mention as I have a feeling ppl will not have a difficult time accepting those Wink


Wow that is interesting. Especially the manicure part.
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