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S/o"frummer"-an acceptance exercise-what does YOUR Rav hold?
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little neshamala




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2018, 6:43 am
amother wrote:
I think this is a good point, and it's important for people to also understand the basis for different halachos before asking.

Is it really a halachic shaila, or is it a question of, is this our minhag or our community's minhag, or a matter of community standards, or a praiseworthy chumra? Many items listed in this thread, fall into this category.

Now, I believe in the concept of picking a rav and following his derech. But if you understand the basis for the halacha, you can ask your shaila differently. You know which details are important to include in your shaila.

I remember a friend telling me, when she was newly married, she wanted her dh to ask about bc. He called up and asked, Is bc ok if you don't have kids yet? And was told No.

She then called and explained she was a newlywed, her propensity toward anxiety and depression, her difficulty with adjustments, and how she felt that if she didn't have at least a few months of adjusting to marriage before pregnancy, her mental health would be at risk.

She got a different answer, but it was a different question. But she had to know enough about the topic to know that those were relevant details.


I agree with you and disagree.
Its definitely important to know as much background info about the topic as possible. But if you dont know, or you hear conflicting things, or you just know it may be some kind of issue but youre not sure if its halachic or not...thats what a Rav is there for.

Im so surprised that your friend's Rav just told her "no". If she didnt know all the different things to mention, usually before paskining a Rav would ask "how are you feeling? Are you overwhelmed? Nursing? " all the relevant questions etc....if you dont know the background a Rav would usually ask the relevant questions.
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keym




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2018, 6:51 am
doctorima wrote:
But why do you need to wash? Why can't you just made a mezonos and a haadama on two other items that will for sure cover the barley?


I dont remember. Its not practical cuz we just dont like barley. But maybe something to do with brachos order and chashivos. Barley is whole and from the shivas haminim. I think there may not be a haadama that covers barley. Its been a while since I asked.
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amother
Linen


 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2018, 6:52 am
little neshamala wrote:
I agree with you and disagree.
Its definitely important to know as much background info about the topic as possible. But if you dont know, or you hear conflicting things, or you just know it may be some kind of issue but youre not sure if its halachic or not...thats what a Rav is there for.

Im so surprised that your friend's Rav just told her "no". If she didnt know all the different things to mention, usually before paskining a Rav would ask "how are you feeling? Are you overwhelmed? Nursing? " all the relevant questions etc....if you dont know the background a Rav would usually ask the relevant questions.


Re the bolded. Yes, true, but I think its important to educate ourselves regardless. Perfectly fine to ask your rav to explain the basis for his opinion / psak, too.

Re rav not asking. Different styles. My rav is very busy and super quick. I need to have my exact question planned before calling.
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amother
Linen


 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2018, 6:54 am
pause wrote:
No, it's halacha, not chinuch. I believe it's based on the passuk where it talks about shmiras shabbas
לא תעשה כל מלאכה
אתה ובנך
ובתך ועבדך ואמתך ושורך וחמרך וכל בהמתך וגרך אשר בשעריך


Interesting. Keym's post makes sense, as to why there are different interpretations and ages. Again, this also shows why it's important to understand the source for the psak or advisement we are given.
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little neshamala




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2018, 7:02 am
Some more im thinking of...
-while nida wearing a tank top is fine as long as its not low cut
-on shabbos morning I may/may not eat depending on where my husband is holding in davening. Has nothing to do with the fact that I didn't hear kiddush yet. If its before the time they finish tefila, I can eat. After that I need to hear kiddush.
-when prepping for mikvah I do not need to remove every last bit of mascara. Remove what I can, and the important thing is that as long as it doesnt look like I am wearing any, ok to dip. Even if I know that theres really more on there.
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keym




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2018, 7:02 am
amother wrote:
Interesting. Keym's post makes sense, as to why there are different interpretations and ages. Again, this also shows why it's important to understand the source for the psak or advisement we are given.


Well its a similar shayla may I ask my dog to bring in the paper from outside (no eruv)
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amother
Puce


 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2018, 8:27 am
pause wrote:
That's my question.


Yes he holds that oats are not one of the five grains
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amother
Blue


 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2018, 8:59 am
When I was having issues with causing myself to bleed due to bedikos and irritation in my vaginal canal, our Rav told us to do bedikos with KY. Haven't had any issues since then.

When we thought our fertility issues were due to halachic infertility (ovulating too early), he told us to keep only 4 days before doing a hefsek, if I was able to get a clean hefsek by then. So 4+7. Then mikvah.

During IVF treatments, he told us to skip the moch.

My husband was allowed to give me all my progesterone injections, even during times when I was niddah. No issues giving the shot on shabbos either.

After my c/section, my DH was allowed to lift my legs on and off the bed (too hard/painful to do myself), even though I was niddah.

These were specific halachic rulings he gave for us for when we had specific issues, so I would not assume these are rulings others can just use without asking.
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little neshamala




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2018, 9:18 am
amother wrote:
When I was having issues with causing myself to bleed due to bedikos and irritation in my vaginal canal, our Rav told us to do bedikos with KY. Haven't had any issues since then.

When we thought our fertility issues were due to halachic infertility (ovulating too early), he told us to keep only 4 days before doing a hefsek, if I was able to get a clean hefsek by then. So 4+7. Then mikvah.

During IVF treatments, he told us to skip the moch.

My husband was allowed to give me all my progesterone injections, even during times when I was niddah. No issues giving the shot on shabbos either.

After my c/section, my DH was allowed to lift my legs on and off the bed (too hard/painful to do myself), even though I was niddah.

These were specific halachic rulings he gave for us for when we had specific issues, so I would not assume these are rulings others can just use without asking.


So my Rav told me specifically KY is not ok for doing bedikas, only water or an ointment. But not KY.
Yet another example of how every Rav will say something else. Thumbs Up
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momnaturally




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2018, 9:47 am
amother wrote:
I’m embarrassed to ask but I don’t even know what that is

day 30 and 31 after period
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2018, 10:08 am
Mommyg8 wrote:
That was exactly my question, because I never heard that ANYONE says its kosher. So I was wondering if it was a mistake, or maybe he meant if for capsules. Which I think some Rabbanim hold is ok.


Lol, This is a common position in the Sephardi world even if you have not heard of it. And your notion that we always follow the majority opinion does not reflect reality at all.
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amother
Gold


 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2018, 1:35 pm
-We are allowed to pass the baby when I'm in nidda because he/she is a person and not an object

-Dishwashers can be kashered

-Glass/metal/ceramic platters from candy stores are problematic because they need to be toveled before use. This caused a major controversy in our area and with the Vaad hakashrus.
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holylandgirl




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 24 2018, 12:16 pm
doctorima wrote:
But why do you need to wash? Why can't you just made a mezonos and a haadama on two other items that will for sure cover the barley?


It wouldn't be ok to have them outside of a bread meal because the issue is about which after brachah to make. There is a different nusach after-brachah for this type of food that we don't say ( I don't remember why). Saying the wrong after brachah is not ok, but in a bread based meal everything is covered by bentching and so you avoid the doubt.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 24 2018, 12:39 pm
little neshamala wrote:
Some more im thinking of...
-while nida wearing a tank top is fine as long as its not low cut
-on shabbos morning I may/may not eat depending on where my husband is holding in davening. Has nothing to do with the fact that I didn't hear kiddush yet. If its before the time they finish tefila, I can eat. After that I need to hear kiddush.
-when prepping for mikvah I do not need to remove every last bit of mascara. Remove what I can, and the important thing is that as long as it doesnt look like I am wearing any, ok to dip. Even if I know that theres really more on there.
So interesting that you can or can not eat depending on where you husband is up to in davening. My interest is because, why can you not just make kiddush for yourself if your husband is not home yet? Ive never heard this. Very interesting.
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juggling




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 24 2018, 1:12 pm
shabbatiscoming wrote:
So interesting that you can or can not eat depending on where you husband is up to in davening. My interest is because, why can you not just make kiddush for yourself if your husband is not home yet? Ive never heard this. Very interesting.

I'm going to guess where this comes from. I learned that the obligation to make kiddush begins only after davening. This is why one who generally drinks coffee before davening could have it shabbat morning before davening, but not after davening, without making kiddush first. I'm assuming the poster who was told to wait until her husband finishes davening does not daven herself, and therefore needs some way to define when the obligation of kiddush begins.
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little neshamala




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 24 2018, 3:59 pm
shabbatiscoming wrote:
So interesting that you can or can not eat depending on where you husband is up to in davening. My interest is because, why can you not just make kiddush for yourself if your husband is not home yet? Ive never heard this. Very interesting.


Oops, wasnt very clear. I can definitely make kiddush for myself, or hear it from someone else. The point is the chiyuv to hear kiddush before eating something is connected to where my husband is up to in davening. As long as he hasnt finished tefillah, I may eat without hearing/making kiddush.
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little neshamala




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 24 2018, 4:00 pm
juggling wrote:
I'm going to guess where this comes from. I learned that the obligation to make kiddush begins only after davening. This is why one who generally drinks coffee before davening could have it shabbat morning before davening, but not after davening, without making kiddush first. I'm assuming the poster who was told to wait until her husband finishes davening does not daven herself, and therefore needs some way to define when the obligation of kiddush begins.


Interesting, and makes sense except I do usually daven and my Rav is aware of that so it must be something more...
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amother
Salmon


 

Post Sat, Feb 24 2018, 4:02 pm
juggling wrote:
I'm going to guess where this comes from. I learned that the obligation to make kiddush begins only after davening. This is why one who generally drinks coffee before davening could have it shabbat morning before davening, but not after davening, without making kiddush first. I'm assuming the poster who was told to wait until her husband finishes davening does not daven herself, and therefore needs some way to define when the obligation of kiddush begins.


Re the bolded: Not necessarily.

A similar example that I have experienced is that on shmini atzeres, I'm told that if my husband has already heard v'sein tal in shul then I would say mashiv haruach, even in shacharis, if I'm davening after that time. (in shul, they only start with mussaf.)

It seems that if the wife davens at home, then certain things can be signified from the husband's davening.
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animeme




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 24 2018, 4:09 pm
I was told I can eat without kiddish if dh hasn't finished tefilas Shacharis, not all of davening. So that's a lot earlier, because it's before laining.
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Mommyg8




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 24 2018, 5:41 pm
tichellady wrote:
Lol, This is a common position in the Sephardi world even if you have not heard of it. And your notion that we always follow the majority opinion does not reflect reality at all.


Actually, I just checked this over Shabbos. Hurray for imamother! Because I just found out a fascinating bit of information.

According to my dh, it was actually R' Chaim Ozer who paskened that gelatin is kosher, based on the reasons above. Rabbi Abadi is basing his psak on R' Chaim Ozer. And according to dh, again, science backs up by R' Chaim Ozer! And he feels that the kashrus agencies are too chicken to actually follow this psak.

As for me:

I wore my own hair the entire chasunah (my Chassidish friends were in shock).

We use baby wipes on Shabbos.

I don't have to listen to parshas zachar (yup, just came up this Shabbos).

And I only have to daven one thing - like shevach and bakashah, if I am busy. My sister was told she has to daven two shemonei esrei's. I was not told that.
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