Were do I eat the seuda?

koltov

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 4:05 pm

Were do you eat the evening (2nd night) seuda?

Every year is the same,my husband want to eat by his parents with a lot of family's and its labadig, for me its very hard, firstly we have b"h our own big family and we can enjoy it our self's

and also over there, the kids are getting out of control with so many cousins etc,they dont eat normally with very little space to seat
and then finally we have to go home late evening they fell asleep unable to take them home

on the other hand its more labadig and also I come home to almost a clean house besides the left over from the previous seuda..

What do you do?

ra_mom

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 4:07 pm

Would you compromise? Start off at home in a calm environment where you can concentrate and make sure each child is eating, and then stop by for some festivities at the ILs?

Blessing1

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 4:08 pm

Same situation here but it's one day a year & the kids are so looking forward. But my kids never fell asleep there. I think most moms feel the same way.

amother

Ecru

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 4:11 pm

Purim morning I make my kids eggs. After that the day is theirs!. Don't spoil their fun! Eat junk! Enjoy family time! Cousin memories are forever!! But yeah it's a huge pain...I usually leave early w younger ones and let dh stay w older...then pick him up later

amother

Maroon

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 7:24 pm

As a kid I would go to my grandmothers and watch all the people get drunk and enjoy the chaos. As a teen I didn’t like it anymore so would look for quieter places to hang out. My mother still sat there even after I was married with kids so I found myself a different family to eat the sueda with while my dh would go off to his friends parties.
This year my father is a widower and doesn’t feel comfortable hanging out at my mothers parents so for the first time he will make a meal at home in the morning so I have to be there. Afterwards dh really wants me to come to his friends crazy party and I’m still undecided if I’m going.

thunderstorm

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 7:53 pm

Chasidish people eat early in the day around 12 and then have the main seuda later, they wash before shkiah and party into the night.
We make sure to eat a brunch after megilla. Eggs, bread, avocado and salad etc and we wash then. This way we are yotzai the first Seuda. Our next Seuda is at 5pm- supper time. I am hosting my husbands entire family. It's very labedig and fun. The kids are usually too nauseous to eat real food because they eat so much junk throughout the day. Our Seuda is over around 9:00 or so. I will have a huge mess to clean up afterward and have to go to work the next day.
OP your situation is typical for many of us. It's Purim, you have to let go and just enjoy the moment. The kids will get back to normal over the weekend and so will you.

koltov

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 7:57 pm

Bizzydizzymommy wrote:

Not everyone is the same, a lot of Chasidish family only wash late afternoon

SuperWify

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 10:10 pm

amother wrote:

Chassidish people have 2 seudas on Purim day.

Oh.

(That’s a lot of food and prep!)

Thanks.

I learn something new every day here....

OP, DH is going to his yeshiva party and me to my parents because last year we tried doing half here and there but we both felt cheated.

pesek zman

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 10:12 pm

SuperWify wrote:

Second seuda??

You took the words right out of my mouth

I only ever heard of one seudah, and it has to be started (at least) during the day. This year because it's a weekday and people are working we are starting at 5:15pm

What other seudah is there?

koltov

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 10:22 pm

The first seuda is not about haloca,I am not sure from were it comes
but a lot of ppl are eating and washing to 2 seudas
but the main one is by the end of the day

OutATowner

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 11:26 pm

We are not chassidish but dh make a sure to wash twice. First time he washes and has basically a big breakfast and eats the main seuda later.

seeker

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 11:54 pm

I would go for it. You can't overestimate the value of happy occasions shared with relatives. I would skip it if you had serious concerns about inappropriate behavior, alcohol, etc, but if it's just crazy, wild, and junk food - live with it, it's one day, the kids will recover. You don't worry about them being "off schedule" over something as fleeting as this. So what if they don't eat normally for one day? They'll be fine. You already figured out the clean house perk! For the falling asleep, can you arrange to stay overnight by your in-laws? If not, you wake them up and drag them home. People do that on Purim. It's a crazy day but a special day. Unless your kids express their own discomfort with the wild situation (we all know some kids who just crave calm and hate noise etc) don't worry so much about them.

amother

Seafoam

Wed, Feb 28 2018, 12:12 am

seeker wrote:

Mabe you are right but every family is different

seeker

Wed, Feb 28 2018, 12:14 am

OP, how do your kids feel about it? You say you have a big family so presumably at least some of them are old enough to have an opinion.

amother

Seafoam

Wed, Feb 28 2018, 12:15 am

seeker wrote:

OP, how do your kids feel about it? You say you have a big family so presumably at least some of them are old enough to have an opinion.

Most of them would like to go..

seeker

Wed, Feb 28 2018, 12:25 am

And those that wouldn't like to go, how strongly do they feel about it and are they old enough to allow them to skip it while the rest of you go?