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Purim is so depressing
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amother




Ivory


Post  Thu, Mar 01 2018, 9:36 pm
Thank you to those that were supportive and helpful. Some of you were unnecessarily hurtful.

Three people actually came to us this year. All people that we have been going to every year.
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amother




Indigo


Post  Thu, Mar 01 2018, 10:34 pm
amother wrote:
Thank you to those that were supportive and helpful. Some of you were unnecessarily hurtful.

Three people actually came to us this year. All people that we have been going to every year.


Because of your post I made sure to give MM to someone who is new in town without family. I don't think she was entirely alone this Purim but I know my gesture was appreciated. And I'm sure I wasn't the only one. So just by posting this you had a positive effect .
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amother




Burgundy


Post  Thu, Mar 01 2018, 10:39 pm
I had a hard Purim. For diff reasons. But was thinking about you.
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amother




Aqua


Post  Thu, Mar 01 2018, 10:53 pm
amother wrote:
My kids hate purim because we are alone for the seuda every year. All my sibs are busy partying with the other side of ther families. We invited them but they'd rather go where its more fun.

So here we are alone. They will have to hear about all the fun their friends are having.

Vent over.


We're in a similar situation. So we host a random group of older singles, people without local family, etc. And we really enjoy them! Sometimes I feel sad about not being part of a potluck group of friends and/or family who have Purim together every year, but I figure we're lucky that we can host and that I'm organized enough to pull off the seuda.
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amother




Rose


Post  Thu, Mar 01 2018, 11:04 pm
I am feeling kind of down.

We got plenty of MM and we hosted a lively seuda but I was sure my son was a social popular boy and only one boy in his grade brought him MM.

I dont think he noticed because he went to his rebbi and a few people who he wanted to give but I was davening all day that some more friends would show up for him and no one did.

I feel so sad about it that I want to cry. I know I am being silly but I care so much that he should be happy and have friends. He is such a friendly, kind, sweet as sugar little boy.
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amother




Ruby


Post  Fri, Mar 02 2018, 12:21 am
I got nothing. Haven't been invited to a seudah in 6-7 years (divorced, no children), but usually at least I get a couple of shalach manos.
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amother




Puce


Post  Fri, Mar 02 2018, 6:42 am
amother wrote:
I am feeling kind of down.

We got plenty of MM and we hosted a lively seuda but I was sure my son was a social popular boy and only one boy in his grade brought him MM.

I dont think he noticed because he went to his rebbi and a few people who he wanted to give but I was davening all day that some more friends would show up for him and no one did.

I feel so sad about it that I want to cry. I know I am being silly but I care so much that he should be happy and have friends. He is such a friendly, kind, sweet as sugar little boy.


I really don't think mishloach manos reflects your popularity- my kids had very few people come by, and they BH have friends, but they are young and parents would have to bring every kid who comes by, many would need to drive over. I had intended to drive my kids to some friends who were too far to walk to, and lo and behold both my husband and myself were feeling very sick in the middle of the day- could not take my kids out to those friends we would have brought to- but does not have to do with anyone's popularity. One daughter received one mishloach manos from a friend whose grandparents live right nearby and I am so thankful she stopped by because she was the only one that did ( we are also newish to the area) but Purim is so busy, and mishloach manos is really about neighbors for the most part...
You should not think that this indicates whether your child has friends!!!
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amother




Rose


Post  Fri, Mar 02 2018, 8:17 am
amother wrote:
I really don't think mishloach manos reflects your popularity- my kids had very few people come by, and they BH have friends, but they are young and parents would have to bring every kid who comes by, many would need to drive over. I had intended to drive my kids to some friends who were too far to walk to, and lo and behold both my husband and myself were feeling very sick in the middle of the day- could not take my kids out to those friends we would have brought to- but does not have to do with anyone's popularity. One daughter received one mishloach manos from a friend whose grandparents live right nearby and I am so thankful she stopped by because she was the only one that did ( we are also newish to the area) but Purim is so busy, and mishloach manos is really about neighbors for the most part...
You should not think that this indicates whether your child has friends!!!


Thank you. I really hope you are right.

The school switches up the classes each year so I worry that he makes a bunch of superficial friends and no close friends. Last year at least 3 boys from his class came so I was so surprised that only one boy from a different class showed up.
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giselle




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Mar 02 2018, 8:21 am
amother wrote:
I really don't think mishloach manos reflects your popularity- my kids had very few people come by, and they BH have friends, but they are young and parents would have to bring every kid who comes by, many would need to drive over. I had intended to drive my kids to some friends who were too far to walk to, and lo and behold both my husband and myself were feeling very sick in the middle of the day- could not take my kids out to those friends we would have brought to- but does not have to do with anyone's popularity. One daughter received one mishloach manos from a friend whose grandparents live right nearby and I am so thankful she stopped by because she was the only one that did ( we are also newish to the area) but Purim is so busy, and mishloach manos is really about neighbors for the most part...
You should not think that this indicates whether your child has friends!!!


I agree. I really don’t take my kids around to friends unless they’re in a neighborhood we’re already going to, which is only the teachers and grandparents. Other than that it’s neighbors and whoever else comes. I’m sure many parents feel the same and this doesn’t really reflect on your child’s social standing. Think about it - all those ppl who didn’t give to him, he didn’t go to either.
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amother




Rose


Post  Fri, Mar 02 2018, 8:27 am
giselle wrote:
I agree. I really don’t take my kids around to friends unless they’re in a neighborhood we’re already going to, which is only the teachers and grandparents. Other than that it’s neighbors and whoever else comes. I’m sure many parents feel the same and this doesn’t really reflect on your child’s social standing. Think about it - all those ppl who didn’t give to him, he didn’t go to either.


We did though. We went to 2 friends and 2 boys who we thought would appreciate getting since I wanted to teach him to think of others.

Ur both right. I'm just feeling sensitive.
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Pita




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Mar 02 2018, 11:30 am
We give tons, and for years I never got any. One year I mentioned this to an aunt who is secular. Now she sends us one every year; so sweet! Mind you, the aunt lives far away and I never send her one! We only hand-deliver. Since then one friend who is very close has started giving us one. My kids believe we are the only ones who give MM and so they don't feel bad, they just enjoy preparing the MM and giving them.

If they saw that others got and we don't, they may feel otherwise, of course.

Hugs to you.
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amother




Hotpink


Post  Sun, Mar 04 2018, 8:58 am
I give out between 1 and 10 every year and almost never get one back. It's never really bothered me. Purim is a stressful day for many people and when I'm considering how much people care about me as a friend, people's behaviour during the rest of the year is much more telling than whether they brought me a MM. I also did not grow up Jewish so have no memories of getting lots of MM, so nothing has really changed for me.

This year, my two oldest children were at pre-school on Purim, and the school issued instructions that each child should bring ONE MM to school and each child would go home with one. I thought this was a great idea, until a few people in my 5 yea and r old's class said they were bring a few extras to give to "best friends." I originally understood that these extra MMs would be given privately after school, but it turned out that they were left in the cubbies above the kid's lockers, so when the kids came out, some cubbies were overflowing with MM and others were empty. My child got just one small pack from a friend who had given to every child in the class, and while I have always emphasised that it's a day about giving it's a hard lesson to learn at 5 years old when you see right before your eyes that your friends are receiving so much more than you. I was actually devastated for my child because at that age they're not mature enough to deal with it, especially when it's so obvious.
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amother




Lavender


Post  Sun, Mar 04 2018, 1:44 pm
OP where do you live?
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amother




Salmon


Post  Sun, Mar 04 2018, 5:15 pm
I came to a conclusion that ppl give mm to people they have hakarat hatov for. Like teachers, rly close friend etc
Since ppl live much more on themselves its harder to get to this feeling...
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causemommysaid




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Mar 05 2018, 10:21 am
amother wrote:
I give out between 1 and 10 every year and almost never get one back. It's never really bothered me. Purim is a stressful day for many people and when I'm considering how much people care about me as a friend, people's behaviour during the rest of the year is much more telling than whether they brought me a MM. I also did not grow up Jewish so have no memories of getting lots of MM, so nothing has really changed for me.

This year, my two oldest children were at pre-school on Purim, and the school issued instructions that each child should bring ONE MM to school and each child would go home with one. I thought this was a great idea, until a few people in my 5 yea and r old's class said they were bring a few extras to give to "best friends." I originally understood that these extra MMs would be given privately after school, but it turned out that they were left in the cubbies above the kid's lockers, so when the kids came out, some cubbies were overflowing with MM and others were empty. My child got just one small pack from a friend who had given to every child in the class, and while I have always emphasised that it's a day about giving it's a hard lesson to learn at 5 years old when you see right before your eyes that your friends are receiving so much more than you. I was actually devastated for my child because at that age they're not mature enough to deal with it, especially when it's so obvious.


Wow. Where are people getting their middos from? If I were a teacher in that class I would have pulled all the MM and sent it home with the children along with a strong email to the stupid parents who allowed that.
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