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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Purim
Giving a donation in leu of MM- the other side
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amother
Cyan


 

Post Fri, Mar 02 2018, 7:16 am
The people who send us cards instead are only doing the one (or very few) required MM on purim day. For whatever reason they feel it works better in their situation. It still says the same thing a MM says, "I include you in my friends".

But they are not saying it is MM, just instead of sending out food MM I gave a donation on your behalf, and I acknowledge that if I sent food I would send you one.
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Simple1




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 02 2018, 7:31 am
Well maybe the ones who are bothered by the cards aren't getting a lot of mm.
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Simple1




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 02 2018, 7:38 am
seeker wrote:
I think that's overly cynical. I think MM is a general time of friendship and goodwill and if you're giving something to all your friends then of course you want to include someone you are grateful to. Or perhaps you wanted to give someone a token of recognition but didn't know just the right time, but MM is a great opening to give something to someone. It's just a plain ol' good idea, that went super-viral, and eventually even got institutionalized in many school/organizational settings and for some reason makes people feel pressured. I think the money-makers are capitalizing on things that were already happening anyway.

Happens to be this year I had my act together a drop more than some other years and I gave to the teachers etc. But other years Purim kind of sneaked up on me and I ended up giving the teachers something at the end of the year instead. I honestly don't think it made any difference to anyone how or when it was done.

I gave a nice MM with a gift inside to a couple of people who watch my kids a bit more often than I can consider "just playdates" when I have to work late or the kids are off, and if I handed them a thanks of any sort they would be very uncomfortable and might refuse it - one of them literally had my kids all day, 9-5, when they were off and I was at work earning an income, and refused to let me pay her for it. But on Purim everyone is passing things all around I am able to shove a nice gift with an "envelope" into her house by way of a daughter, and it's not awkward and my appreciation gets expressed and she gets at least a little of what she deserves. Similar to a therapist who gets paid nicely for her time (not by me because her services are covered) but you can't put a price tag on literally turning your kid's life around (and I think giving gifts/payment in general is an ethical problem but when you're both frum and it's MM you can look the other way and get away with it.)


It is a good opportunity to show appreciation for those who went out of their way.

The problem I have is that I always come out of purim wondering if there are some (paid) people like therapists etc that I forgot and I'm worried they will be offended. I have one child who gets a lot of help in school, it's just so stressful to keep track of every one involved.

Also, because of boundaries, therapists and other workers and teachers are not friends. We are only giving because it came to equal hakaras hatov which makes things more stressful and likely someone will get offended. OtOH, friends on the other side of town don't get offended that I only do local routes. And they're doing the same and I don't get offended.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 02 2018, 9:25 am
1) LIEU. Please. LIEU.
2) I hate that. Unless I asked for people to give to a charity I like.
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