Hashem Made me be mechallel shabbos HATE MYSELF needCHIZIK

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amother

Blue

Sat, Mar 03 2018, 7:49 pm

I always leave on friday with extra time to get places before shabbos. I left early from work this friday but when I was a mile from the highway, but there was an accident so I was not moving. NOBODY WAS MOVING, All sideroads led to the same places so everywhere was backed up.

I especially checked the internet before I left to see if I should take a different route but my internet did not work, kept saying "come back later". So, I got hoome on shabbos. The rav said call a cab but no cab was available. So, we called the rav back who did not pick up and a different rav did not pick up. I was so upset but obviously it was beyond my control. what am I supposed to say "gam zu ltova"??? I was so upset that I had to break shabbos but I am so confused about this. I did not have control that a 45 min trip would take 3 and half hours!!

What is interesting was that we did have food bec we had leftover from the seudah. Now I am thinking it is hashkaga but at the same time it is twisted bec is it hashkaga that I had to be mechalel shabbos??? I am so confused and upset and .....

anyone can explain this. The rav that I would like to call about this would never pick up because he is so sought after since he is so understanding....

ssspectacular

Sat, Mar 03 2018, 7:54 pm

It's sad that you had to be mechallel Shabbos but it really doesn't seem to be your fault.

mfb

Sat, Mar 03 2018, 7:56 pm

I don't have answers for u, but just want to give you some hugs.
Hug

amother

Vermilion

Sat, Mar 03 2018, 8:36 pm

You are not the only one this week.

There were many jews stranded on the highways. Some found hotels and some had to drive till they got somewhere reasonable. You actually did the right thing halachically.

My parents were stranded in Northern Maryland this shabbos with almost no food in a random hotel. The highways were closed.

Cmon be nice

Sat, Mar 03 2018, 8:53 pm

Wow, that's tough. Technically you should of walked but you were probably far away and the weather was horrible, not to mention it may have been dangerous to walk. I dont know what a rav would say but it was definitely a not fair choice. The best thing would have been not to turn off the car when u got home as that's like extinguishing a fire but u didnt need to travel any more.

Kiwi13

Sat, Mar 03 2018, 9:26 pm

It’s ideal to keep Shabbos but pikuach nefesh always overrides. I can’t speak for Hashem or a rabbi or anyone, but I imagine this might have been one of those cases. Hugs, you sound pained. It shows you care. Hashem should see that and love you for it.

Blessing1

Sat, Mar 03 2018, 9:27 pm

OP, you are not the only one that this happened to this shabbos! The Monsey trails arrived to Monsey this shabbos 45 minutes after the Zman. Many people where stranded, the roads where a mess.

amother

Puce

Sat, Mar 03 2018, 9:36 pm

Why should you be upset at your self? You had no control over the situation, and did the best you could, given the circumstances.
There are other ways to view your situation:
Being grateful that it happened to you (for any number of reasons, but as an example: not to your child --("I wish it were me and not you experiencing this").

Using the experience to "take upon yourself" a mitzva - giving more tsedakah, supporting an organization, learning a particular topic in-depth, volunteering your time, having Shabbos guests, etc... turning a negative experience into one with highly positive consequences.

As a lesson - raising your consciousness and you never know, perhaps you will have more understanding for others in a comparable situation - should the opportunity arise in the future. And if you have children, it can become a important lesson in how we act when we are faced with a "stumbling block." All the Avos and Imahos faced "stumbling blocks," but it did not challenge their faith in Hashem. "This is what happened, and this is how we handled it."

My point is, don't see what happened as a punishment, but rather an experience that can impact your life, and maybe even others, in a positive way.

amother

Vermilion

Sat, Mar 03 2018, 10:07 pm

Cmon be nice wrote:

Halachically this is not true. It is dangerous and you keep driving.

Also we asked chavairim. You have to turn off your car when you get there. Preferably a non Jew does it or a child or with a shinoy.

Blessing1

Sat, Mar 03 2018, 10:08 pm

I would look at it at pekiach nefesh. It's dangerous for a women to be stranded by herself over shabbos.

Geulanow

Sat, Mar 03 2018, 10:42 pm

You might want to read this story.
http://www.chabad.org/kabbalah.....e.htm

b from nj

Sat, Mar 03 2018, 11:45 pm

Hashem didnt force you to be mechallel shabbos & please don't hate yourself.

Things happen that are beyond our control sometimes and we just have to do the best we can to go on and continue trying to do the mitzvos properly but sometimes things just happen.

A few weeks ago I was dealing with a troubling situation and I forgot to light candles and only noticed it after it was already too late to light. I don't think Hashem hates me b/c of my oversight. I'm sure He understands that things happen and that is just life.

Please be kind to yourself and just keep on trying to do the best you can!

Hugs!

octopus

Sat, Mar 03 2018, 11:53 pm

This is why some ppl are makpid not to travel after chatzos on Friday. I am not on that level, but it is exactly for this kind of scenario

amother

Seashell

Sun, Mar 04 2018, 12:25 am

I went into labor on shbbos and had to make a call to my dr and take a car service.
Same thing here stop hating it.

Sun, Mar 04 2018, 12:27 am

Nobody out there can tell you why this happened, but just like all above posters I can also try. In reality it's only you that can find a way to view this so it turns into a constructive outcome.
Maybe Hashem wants you to learn to love yourself even if you end up doing an aveira? Maybe in the future something will come up that will help you put this situation into perspective?
Talk to your heart and to Hashem. I'm positive you'll get answers because it seems from your post that you're medakdik bemitzvos on a very high level, based on the amount of pain you have about something you did that wasn't even your fault and there was no way to keep yourself back.

amother

Pewter

Sun, Mar 04 2018, 12:59 am

I once had to be mechalel yom tov and it was Rosh Hashanah!!!!! I too got stuck in horrible traffic and arrived after rosh hashana began. I don’t want to go in all the details... I was heartbroken to start the new year like that but I don’t think there was any other choice... op, I remember what it felt like even though it was a number of years ago.

naturalmom5

Sun, Mar 04 2018, 2:06 am

Bdieved... you can rely on Rabeinu Tam up to 59 minutes after shkia.. Its better than feeling it was chilul Shabbos..

Iymnok

Sun, Mar 04 2018, 2:58 am

But please don’t hate yourself. It’s beautiful how bad you feel and how much you love shabbos.
Would you feel better if you took a Kabbalah on yourself for kavod shabbos?

Zeleze

Sun, Mar 04 2018, 6:39 am

Many Rabonim say not to leave on a drive from 3-4 hours before Shabes, nad some even from Chazot

What would a Rav do in thius situtaion ? (does'nt matter who's fault it is according to the Torah)

DrMom

Sun, Mar 04 2018, 6:56 am

Zeleze wrote:

Many Rabonim say not to leave on a drive from 3-4 hours before Shabes, nad some even from Chazot

What would a Rav do in thius situtaion ? (does'nt matter who's fault it is according to the Torah)

Not everyone has a job that allows that flexibility.

Let's try and help the OP not blame herself for this.

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