Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Judaism
Hitting an 18 month old child is wrong
  1  2  3  4  5  6  Next



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
Bisque


 

Post Sun, Mar 04 2018, 11:58 am
We were invited to a meal last week where we saw one of the parents angrily hit an 18 month old child on the wrist, and we were so disturbed by it. What could an 18 month old child do already to deserve that. Parent seemed like an angry person. I wish we could say something. who knows what kind of abuse the other kids are getting. If you're dh or you do this, please get help. Would you have said something? We had just come in from the other room, so I think they thought no one noticed. The other parent is not assertive and didn't say anything to their spouse.
Back to top

SuperWify




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 04 2018, 12:12 pm
Hitting a child - of ANY age- is wrong.
Back to top

Mommyg8




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 04 2018, 12:13 pm
SuperWify wrote:
Hitting a child - of ANY age- is wrong.


Why in the world? I completely don't agree.

There is nothing wrong with giving an 18 month old a light potch. TBH, though, I found it more helpful just to hold their hand down for a minute, they don't like that, so it has the same effect, if not more.
Back to top

SuperWify




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 04 2018, 12:17 pm
Mommyg8 wrote:
Why in the world? I completely don't agree.

There is nothing wrong with giving an 18 month old a light potch. TBH, though, I found it more helpful just to hold their hand down for a minute, they don't like that, so it has the same effect, if not more.


We are from different generations Mommyg8.

You can get your message across with a strong NO. You can remove the child’s hand gently, or hold is away, but hitting is never ok.

A child needs love in this crazy world.
Back to top

thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 04 2018, 12:22 pm
SuperWify wrote:
We are from different generations Mommyg8.

You can get your message across with a strong NO. You can remove the child’s hand gently, or hold is away, but hitting is never ok.

A child needs love in this crazy world.

That's your opinion . I agree with Mommyg8. We are not talking about an aggressive slap. We are talking about a slight potch on the wrist , or what Mommyg8 described of holding the hand down . Discipline is missing in the next generation and that's why it's such a crazy world. There is a middle way for everything, including parenting. My DH and I were advised by licensed therapists and mechanchim that the problem with today's kids is that they lack discipline and sometimes a mild potch is necessary. There is a chazal that says " chosech Shivto soneh beno" or something like that.
Back to top

Boca00




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 04 2018, 12:36 pm
SuperWify wrote:
Hitting a child - of ANY age- is wrong.


I agree with you with one caveat- except for something dangerous.

Kid runs into street? Almost touches a flame? A strong NO is not enough and they need a slap (but not across the face).
Back to top

Jewishfoodie




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 04 2018, 12:42 pm
Boca00 wrote:
I agree with you with one caveat- except for something dangerous.

Kid runs into street? Almost touches a flame? A strong NO is not enough and they need a slap (but not across the face).


That was word for word what I was going to say.
Back to top

leah233




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 04 2018, 12:47 pm
SuperWify wrote:
Hitting a child - of ANY age- is wrong.


Hitting a child of any age is right if that will motivate them to go on the right way.

There is a zero chance that angrily hitting a 18 month old (even on their wrist) will have a good effect. In fact no age is good for hitting when you are angry.

But in principle hitting is no different than any other punishment.

Even big hot shot psychologists admitted to people I know that they used to hit their kids. Now that they have no children that age anymore anyway they lecture and write against it.
Back to top

Water Stones




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 04 2018, 12:54 pm
SuperWify wrote:
Hitting a child - of ANY age- is wrong.


I agree!
Back to top

amother
Blonde


 

Post Sun, Mar 04 2018, 1:05 pm
SuperWify wrote:
We are from different generations Mommyg8.

You can get your message across with a strong NO. You can remove the child’s hand gently, or hold is away, but hitting is never ok.

A child needs love in this crazy world.


You can give a littel potch with love.
Back to top

amother
Bisque


 

Post Sun, Mar 04 2018, 1:13 pm
amother wrote:
You can give a littel potch with love.


most people if not all can't.
Back to top

amother
Blonde


 

Post Sun, Mar 04 2018, 1:16 pm
amother wrote:
most people if not all can't.


Why not? Before I hit my child I tell them in a nice loving way that I must hit you becuse you did x y z. That am really sorry but I must do this in order to teach you, it hurts me to. End of story it teaches them a lesson for life.

Never hit a child out of anger.
Back to top

thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 04 2018, 1:19 pm
amother wrote:
Why not? Before I hit my child I tell them in a nice loving way that I must hit you becuse you did x y z. That am really sorry but I must do this in order to teach you, it hurts me to. End of story it teaches them a lesson for life.
And then you hug and kiss them dearly.
Back to top

amother
Blonde


 

Post Sun, Mar 04 2018, 1:21 pm
Bizzydizzymommy wrote:
And then you hug and kiss them dearly.


Exactly. Shloma hamilach said: if you love a child you should hit them
Back to top

Mommyg8




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 04 2018, 1:22 pm
amother wrote:
most people if not all can't.


That's not true. We don't have to show love 24 hours a day, and punishment (no matter what form) is obviously not going to be seen as love, no matter how, when, and where.

But I do agree that children today (and in truth, even in the past) need a lot of love, but I don't think both are mutually exclusive - what I mean is, you can potch now and then, and you can still love your children, and they can feel that you love them. This is not a contradiction.

תנו רבנן לעולם תהא שמאל דוחה וימין מקרבת לא כאלישע שדחפו לגחזי בשתי ידיו ולא כיהושע בן פרחיה שדחפו [להנוצרי] (לאחד מתלמידיו) בשתי ידיו

I found this quote - I always thought this was mishlei, but a google search turned up this gemarah - we need to use both love and punishment, but the love should be stronger.
Back to top

cnc




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 04 2018, 1:23 pm
amother wrote:
Why not? Before I hit my child I tell them in a nice loving way that I must hit you becuse you did x y z. That am really sorry but I must do this in order to teach you, it hurts me to. End of story it teaches them a lesson for life.

Never hit a child out of anger.


I’m just curious, why must you specifically hit them in order to teach them a lesson?
Back to top

das




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 04 2018, 1:24 pm
amother wrote:
Why not? Before I hit my child I tell them in a nice loving way that I must hit you becuse you did x y z. That am really sorry but I must do this in order to teach you, it hurts me to. End of story it teaches them a lesson for life.

Never hit a child out of anger.


You "must" hit them? And why is that?

Why can't you use your words, as you'd tell a toddler who hit to get his way?

Times have changed. There was a time it was socially accepted for men to "discipline" their wives even physically. Studies have shown hitting children is counterproductive and damaging.
Back to top

amother
Emerald


 

Post Sun, Mar 04 2018, 1:37 pm
Any parenting book (jewish and not jewish) will tell you not to hit a kid. And sure not a little toddler. A child that age doesnt understand why he gets a potch. He only learns that hitting is ok.
Grown-ups should b an example to kids and not teach them to hit.
A older child, after warning can get a potch once in a bleu moon.
Back to top

amother
Emerald


 

Post Sun, Mar 04 2018, 1:42 pm
Oh if my kid runs on the street I always hit. I do explain why. this is something I can't tolerate. But only for running on street (or something really dangerous)
Back to top

amother
Emerald


 

Post Sun, Mar 04 2018, 1:44 pm
amother wrote:
Exactly. Shloma hamilach said: if you love a child you should hit them

That was for the days of shloma hamelech. NOT NOWADAYS.
Back to top
Page 1 of 6   1  2  3  4  5  6  Next Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Judaism

Related Topics Replies Last Post
I am emotionally disconnected from my child
by amother
17 Today at 9:49 am View last post
I want my $40,000 a month paycheck back…
by amother
148 Yesterday at 9:46 pm View last post
Child Tooth Ache- Pediatric Dentist
by Bruria
2 Wed, Mar 27 2024, 8:17 pm View last post
Podiatrist for ingrown toenail on child
by amother
1 Wed, Mar 27 2024, 3:23 pm View last post
How much per month
by amother
5 Wed, Mar 27 2024, 12:16 pm View last post