Spinoff-hitting | Imamother

amother

White

Sun, Mar 04 2018, 4:59 pm

If you were hit as a child what are your feelings about it today?

I grew up in a generation where slapping was normal. My parents rarely slapped, if they slapped it was light and left no ,ark but when they did I remember feeling great rage and humiliation. I dont hit my own children.

Dhs father spanked him pretty hard (he was post-holocaust generation and thought he was doing his fatherly duty.) Dh hated him passionately for it and it took him a long time to get over it even though he was an extremely devoted father otherwise.

thunderstorm

Sun, Mar 04 2018, 5:07 pm

I recall only being hit once when I was six. It was with a belt on my bottom , six slaps. It did not affect me at all. I feel good that it was so seldom that I can remember the details. I still remember what I did . My fathers insulting words in my teenage yrs and my mothers lack of affection and expressions of love left me with much deeper pain and permanent scars. The hitting is so minor in comparison. I think showing love to your children should be number one . So that when the time comes to mete out punishment the child understands it's coming from a good place.

Teomima

Sun, Mar 04 2018, 5:54 pm

I wasn't hit (except for two times my mother slapped me, extenuating circumstances, mentioned in the other thread) but dh was potched. He thought it was horrific and never wanted to lay a hands on his children and I am very grateful for that. He has some anger issues but if he deserves credit for something it's that he never, ever gets physical with the kids (nor me).

amother

Ivory

Sun, Mar 04 2018, 6:11 pm

I'm Ruby from the other thread. Me and my siblings were never hit. And none of us hit our own children. And, shocker, we all know right from wrong, the adults are fully functioning contributing members of society, and the kids are generally well behaved.

amother

Green

Sun, Mar 04 2018, 6:39 pm

My parents hit out of anger, especially my father. I thought he was a bad person although as an adult I recognize he had poor parenting skills.

I don't respect my parents enough for it. I would never want my children to think of me that way either.

My home was not dysfunctional at all, just old fashioned.

amother

Jade

Sun, Mar 04 2018, 6:42 pm

My home was completely dysfunctional. Both of my parents took turns hitting me. My mother is mentally ill but I hate my father to this day. My father did more than just hit me. He makes fun of me whenever I say something.

thunderstorm

Sun, Mar 04 2018, 6:45 pm

amother wrote:

So far everyone who was hit would not hit. Not surprised.

I was hit once, but other siblings more often. I have hit a child on occasion when I deemed necessary . A slight potch to a hand. Never anything terrible. I haven't needed to hit any of my kids in years Baruch HaShem. I found it necessary when they were younger and it was never out of anger. At they age they are now, taking away privileges works best as a form of punishment.

Mommyg8

Sun, Mar 04 2018, 6:48 pm

I was hit as a child, and so was my husband. I don't remember being hit out of anger, so maybe that's why I don't have any negative feelings towards it. I was a pretty good kid, so I was rarely hit, my brother was hit more often. AFAIK he does hit his own children, obviously using twenty first century standards.

I don't think my kids are angry at me (at least not about the hitting) and my kids are old enough to tell me! But I don't think I hit often or hard, and neither did my husband. I think there were very few potches that were hard enough to hurt.

I also think that there are much more emotional problems that are caused by lack of affection and care. My mother was never hit AFAIK, yet she had a lot of resentment towards her parents for not being there for her emotionally (old-fashioned European parents). So it's not always so straightforward, at least in my experience.

I also think that you have to differentiate between a group of girls and a group of boys. Those of us who had a bunch of boys in a row may feel differently than someone who has mostly girls. I think that boys are just different, and they process things differently. Sometimes boys have to be hit, JMHO.

amother

White

Sun, Mar 04 2018, 6:54 pm

Mommyg8 wrote:

How about you ask your adult children about it? I'm curious as to their feelings about it now.

Mommyg8

Sun, Mar 04 2018, 6:59 pm

amother wrote:

How about you ask your adult children about it? I'm curious as to their feelings about it now.

Didn't I just say that? Don't worry, they have plenty of complaints! So far, this has not made the list.

I still think that yelling out of anger, etc. is much worse than a light potch for a child.

amother

Rose

Sun, Mar 04 2018, 7:02 pm

Not every time I was hit was justified but I still support a limited amount of hitting. At least as an option.

No I have no lasting trauma from the times I was hit when the crime didn't warrant it. I feel far worse about the times I wasn't hit but punished over something that I still don't believe deserved any punishment for. No I'm not traumatized by that either. In my days we didn't know such possibilities existed.

My husband and I almost never hit our children but it is clear to them that we would. They know not to risk it.

Mommyg8

Sun, Mar 04 2018, 7:05 pm

amother wrote:

I like this answer the best.

I just want to add that there was one time my father hit me for no reason, he had made a mistake and thought I had done something wrong. When he realized his mistake he apologized.

amother

Bronze

Sun, Mar 04 2018, 7:44 pm

I was hit twice, the first time I don’t remember why, but I remember being terrified when I was told to go to my father, but it didn’t really hurt and then he kissed me after that. The second time was for saying a bad word in front of him, also didn’t really hurt.

Both times weren’t traumatizing at all. I had an amazing childhood and love my parents. I don’t think it was such a big deal.

I generally don’t hit my kids, but did the one time my 4 year old ran into the street. Younger kids I don’t think I’d hit for going into the street because you should be watching them, not relying on them to know not to run.

amother

Ivory

Sun, Mar 04 2018, 10:23 pm

Mommyg8 wrote:

I also think that you have to differentiate between a group of girls and a group of boys. Those of us who had a bunch of boys in a row may feel differently than someone who has mostly girls. I think that boys are just different, and they process things differently. Sometimes boys have to be hit, JMHO.

I have all boys and have never seen the need to hit them.

das

Sun, Mar 04 2018, 10:38 pm

Mommyg8 wrote:

Aren't you lucky?

ETA: Please don't move next to me. Thank you.

Insinuating that someone who doesnt hit their kids has wild out of control children is ridiculous. I'm surprised to hear it coming from you, you seem so level headed.

Mommyg8

Sun, Mar 04 2018, 10:45 pm

das wrote:

Insinuating that someone who doesnt hit their kids has wild out of control children is ridiculous. I'm surprised to hear it coming from you, you seem so level headed.

I am level-headed until my children get hurt. Then I am a lioness!

Ok, I'll admit that there are some wonderful boys out there who are really good, naturally, and never need to be disciplined at all. But for most boys... I think discipline of some sort is necessary. I personally would rather give a light potch than a time out, but to each his own, I guess. And as long as you have some sort of control over your children, then you are welcome to come live next to me!