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Spinoff-hitting
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amother
Wine


 

Post Sun, Mar 04 2018, 10:46 pm
I knew my father would hit if necessary, but don't remember ever being hit. My kids know I would hit if needed, and have a few times over the years. Not all the kids, not a lot. I don't resent my father for the threat. will ask the kids if they resent me...
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amother
Vermilion


 

Post Sun, Mar 04 2018, 10:50 pm
I was hit by both parents as a child. Physically abused. They justified it the same way some amothers are doing on the other thread. Me and my siblings are suffering lifelong damage because of it.

Yes, children who are neglected are said to suffer worse than children who are hit, but that's a false dichotomy. There's also the option of not neglecting or hitting your children.

Rarely have I seen a parent hit a child who was cool, calm, collected. Even the nonabusive hits are reactionary and frenzied.

If not abusive, hitting is still lazy parenting. You're too lazy make the effort to use words or implement a different disciplinary strategy. You want instant gratification, and hitting your child will get them to obey in the immediate moment. I can't envision a single scenario in which something else can't be a better substitute hitting.

(PS - if your toddler who's too young to know car danger runs into the street, the only one who deserves to be punished is the adult who was supposed to protect them.)

I would never ever ever hit my kids.
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das




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 04 2018, 10:51 pm
Mommyg8 wrote:
I am level-headed until my children get hurt. Then I am a lioness!

Ok, I'll admit that there are some wonderful boys out there who are really good, naturally, and never need to be disciplined at all. But for most boys... I think discipline of some sort is necessary. I personally would rather give a light potch than a time out, but to each his own, I guess. And as long as you have some sort of control over your children, then you are welcome to come live next to me!


Great. Smile Because my sons are bh super polite and well behaved and they've never been hit. Of course they need discipline--but potching is not our way. We talk and talk and explain some more and time outs when absolutely necessary.
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das




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 04 2018, 10:56 pm
Mommyg8 wrote:
I am level-headed until my children get hurt. Then I am a lioness!

Ok, I'll admit that there are some wonderful boys out there who are really good, naturally, and never need to be disciplined at all. But for most boys... I think discipline of some sort is necessary. I personally would rather give a light potch than a time out, but to each his own, I guess. And as long as you have some sort of control over your children, then you are welcome to come live next to me!


I had a neighbor who hit her children. The parents were wonderful ppl besides for that--and those kids were the biggest bullies I've ever seen. After they got hit they went out and found smaller ppl to hit. Dh and I seriously considered moving to get away from them. BH, they moved away.
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amother
Beige


 

Post Sun, Mar 04 2018, 11:26 pm
My mother never hit.
My father did something else physical- more like a hard squeeze on our arm. He'd get very angry and lose control.
When we were older, he worked in himself middos-wise.
Unfortunately, I have a lot of my father in me. And I yell at my kids a lot. My husband says I'm abusive to them Sad I don't want him to know that's how my father was.
I even gave a light slap on my 3yo hand last week... don't even remember why. Sad
I get out of control and I feel very bad afterwards.

I find it interesting that other posters who were hit would never do it.
Being hurt as a kid- as much as I hated it- normalized it for me.
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 05 2018, 4:38 am
If I hit my kids, they will hit me back at a later time, then severely hit their siblings over a minor infraction.

So, no it’s not worth it.

When I was very young, my mother would occasionally slap our hands. Eventually she didn’t, I don’t think she did to my younger siblings.
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amother
Slateblue


 

Post Mon, Mar 05 2018, 6:13 am
amother wrote:
I have all boys and have never seen the need to hit them.


Same here.
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causemommysaid




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 05 2018, 4:50 pm
I rarely hit. Only when my kids ran in the street and even then it was a slap on the hand, nothing major. It only took one or two times for them to never go in the street again so I guess it was effective.
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amother
Ivory


 

Post Mon, Mar 05 2018, 5:09 pm
Mommyg8 wrote:
I am level-headed until my children get hurt. Then I am a lioness!

Ok, I'll admit that there are some wonderful boys out there who are really good, naturally, and never need to be disciplined at all. But for most boys... I think discipline of some sort is necessary. I personally would rather give a light potch than a time out, but to each his own, I guess. And as long as you have some sort of control over your children, then you are welcome to come live next to me!


And what makes you think I don't discipline them? I said I have never hit them, not that I never discipline them. I absolutely discipline them, hitting is simply not part of my toolbox. And half of them have ADHD, so it's not like I have it so easy. I manage to keep them in line just fine, thankyouverymuch. Admittedly, the amount of work I put into raising them successfully is a large part of the reason why I don't think I will end up having as many kids as I would like to.
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Mommyg8




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 05 2018, 6:01 pm
amother wrote:
And what makes you think I don't discipline them? I said I have never hit them, not that I never discipline them. I absolutely discipline them, hitting is simply not part of my toolbox. And half of them have ADHD, so it's not like I have it so easy. I manage to keep them in line just fine, thankyouverymuch. Admittedly, the amount of work I put into raising them successfully is a large part of the reason why I don't think I will end up having as many kids as I would like to.


If your children have ADHD, then what parenting methods have you used that work? (Besides medication). I am asking this sincerely, as I know that parenting ADHD children can be quite challenging.
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amother
Apricot


 

Post Mon, Mar 05 2018, 6:21 pm
I remember being spanked once when I was 6 and repeatedly didn't listen about cleaning my mess up and slapped across the face once when as a teenager, I was belligerent to my mother. In return, I tried very hard not ever to hit my kids. Once, my son bit me when he was really little and I Inadvertently kicked him- a reaction to the bite, not anger! Once, with guidance from a behaviour therapist, I hit him back so he could see what it felt like. I told him why I was doing it. I did not do it in anger. I did it with guidance and he never hit anyone again.
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amother
Ivory


 

Post Mon, Mar 05 2018, 6:53 pm
Mommyg8 wrote:
If your children have ADHD, then what parenting methods have you used that work? (Besides medication). I am asking this sincerely, as I know that parenting ADHD children can be quite challenging.


Some of my ADHD children take medication, some don't. One of them also has autism and receives ABA therapy and I actually found many of the ABA principles to work with with ADHD (as it is, ASD and ADHD have quite a bit of overlap, so that makes sense). A lot of it has to do with being proactive and setting up for success, rather than reacting when they misbehave (obviously you have to react when they do, but the idea is to prevent it in the first place). Basically, expectations are very clear, and broken down as much as possible- no matter how obvious it seems, you spell it out just in case. And you set reasonable expectations. I might tell a child, I expect XYZ from you for the next 20 minutes. After 20 minutes, I make sure to praise for doing such a good job (possibly reward if it's something that is super difficult for that child) and then I say now let's keep going for another 20 minutes.

Also, we work out plans for calming down/making good decisions during times when nothing is going on. During an incident it won't help, but if they go in knowing their tools for calming down or knowing how to make themselves not impulsively do something wrong, it cuts down tremendously on bad behavior and wrong choices. Just the other day, I was reading Harry Potter to one of my boys, and we got to the part where Aunt Marge was provoking him and he knows he needs to keep it together and not take the bait. So he starts thinking about his book "Do it yourself broomcare" and by focusing on that, he manages to stay calm. So I pointed this out and said "hey, this sounds like a good idea for if you feel yourself getting angry, right?" And he said "you're right, that does sound good! Maybe when I feel like that, I can start thinking about facts about the solar system" (which is something he's really into these days). So we got a teachable moment, and he now got a new idea to try next time he needs to get ahold of himself.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 05 2018, 9:19 pm
When my mom was angry with us, she wouldn't hit because she didn't trust herself to do it with love. She made my sister and I wait until our father got home.

Dad would potch just hard enough to sting a little, but not make it horrible. We'd shed a few contrite tears (not from pain) and then we'd get hugs and life would go on. IMHO, not the greatest way to parent, but at least mom knew enough to not beat us.

When DD was around 3, she did something that deserved a potch on the diaper. I don't remember what. A few weeks later she was being naughty, and I asked her "Do you want to get a potch?" and she turned around, pointed her little bum at me, and said "OK, but not so hard this time."

I laughed so hard, I honestly forgot what I was mad about. She was so cute, and was actually disappointed that she wasn't going to get her potch! It turns out she's very sensory seeking, and enjoys being tickled hard, pinched, and rough play. She craves any sort of heavy pressure.

Then it turned into a game, where I would chase her aroung the house, trying to swat her, saying "I'm gonna get you! I'm gonna get that little tushie!" and she's squeal and dart past me.

So yeah, potching did not work in our family. LOL Time out and losing privileges was far more effective, and had much longer lasting results. I was lucky that DD was highly verbal at a young age, so we could actually have conversations about consequences. You can't usually do that with a 3 year old.
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amother
Burlywood


 

Post Mon, Mar 05 2018, 10:00 pm
My mother potched is every once in a while when we were fighting with each other or driving her crazy. To this day she says she doesn’t forgive herself. Funny thing is my siblings and I are all extremely close with my mother. Like she is my best friend in the world. I do not care at all that she potched me. I know I was a difficult kid who drive her nuts! (Think, type of kid who literally tantrumed every night till I fell asleep wherever I was kicking and screaming).
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Coffee Addict




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 05 2018, 10:02 pm
FranticFrummie wrote:
When my mom was angry with us, she wouldn't hit because she didn't trust herself to do it with love. She made my sister and I wait until our father got home.

Dad would potch just hard enough to sting a little, but not make it horrible. We'd shed a few contrite tears (not from pain) and then we'd get hugs and life would go on. IMHO, not the greatest way to parent, but at least mom knew enough to not beat us.

When DD was around 3, she did something that deserved a potch on the diaper. I don't remember what. A few weeks later she was being naughty, and I asked her "Do you want to get a potch?" and she turned around, pointed her little bum at me, and said "OK, but not so hard this time."

I laughed so hard, I honestly forgot what I was mad about. She was so cute, and was actually disappointed that she wasn't going to get her potch! It turns out she's very sensory seeking, and enjoys being tickled hard, pinched, and rough play. She craves any sort of heavy pressure.

Then it turned into a game, where I would chase her aroung the house, trying to swat her, saying "I'm gonna get you! I'm gonna get that little tushie!" and she's squeal and dart past me.

So yeah, potching did not work in our family. LOL Time out and losing privileges was far more effective, and had much longer lasting results. I was lucky that DD was highly verbal at a young age, so we could actually have conversations about consequences. You can't usually do that with a 3 year old.


Rolling Laughter you gotta love this post!!
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