My 13 yo daughter desp needs to lose weight

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Forum -> Health & Wellness -> Healthy Lifestyle/ Weight Loss/ Exercise

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Chana Miriam S

Mon, Mar 05 2018, 6:13 pm

I've been thinking about this post since yesterday. I'd also consider a moderate group of overeater's anonymous. If she weighs what she weighs at 13, I doubt theres much question, she is eating compulsively. There is a jewish group called Soveya that also deals with addictive eating.

Kiwi13

Mon, Mar 05 2018, 9:08 pm

I would never, ever make it about weight itself. If it really MUST be addressed, make it about health. And not just HER health. Get the whole family on a healthier living plan - eating healthier (not just less), exercising (being active in hopefully enjoyable ways - Zumba, sports, etc.), sleep routines, etc. etc.

If there is something going on with your daughter that needs to be addressed concerning her weight (emotional issue, medication issue, health condition...) then address that, too. But please never make it about weight and appearance, and certainly never encourage thinking about comparisons between others and herself.

As other have said, 13 is young and vulnerable. Plus this is such a delicate subject for so many fully grown adults. She needs your unconditional love and acceptance. Help her be healthy, not “thin.” And remember that “healthy” includes the physical, mental, emotional, spiritual...

anonymrs

Mon, Mar 05 2018, 9:13 pm

Just out of curiousity, have you taken her to a doctor to rule out thyroid disorder, insulin resistance, and run a hormone panel?

amother

Lilac

Tue, Mar 06 2018, 2:36 pm

What about an overweight 12 year old who loves carbs and hates most fruits and vegetables (cucumbers, apples, and the inside, paler part of romaine lettuce are all she'll eat)

amother

Periwinkle

Tue, Mar 06 2018, 3:32 pm

cookiewriter wrote:

We live in bklyn. She needs to eat much healthier poor thing. She weighs 180, when all her friends weigh like 75 lbs. (why are girls so tiny today!) we went to estee majer but it was too little food. She did well with someone in Lawrence who only made her count carbs but Lawrence is too far. We went to Beth warren last week but she got so turned off when Beth said she needs to measure every bite of food that goes in her mouth. Anyone else know a good nutritionist? Please say why she’s good. Don’t say Tanya- she doesn’t give enough food at all. I can’t starve her. And it needs to be easy (meaning she can’t measure every single bite of food!!!)

I was that kid; I wish I had been super strict then, it would have been easier now. Some people need to measure everything in order to lose weight unless she is extremely self disciplined. On most plans low carb vegetables are unlimited, so if she's hungry let her have salad or soup, just watch the dressing and fat added. It sounds like you want results without work, but, and I know this all too well, it doesn't work like that. In the beginning it's hard getting used to smaller portions, but once her stomach shrinks, her body won't want more. If you want something very badly, you have to work at it (and I'm saying this as a fat person.) You need to be realistic. It takes work, time, and effort to lose weight, it doesn't come easy for most people. Encourage your dd with the plans and nutritionists she went to, even if you think it seems like she'll starve. I doubt trained nutritionists (and you mentioned a few that seem to offer very little food), would create an unrealistic plan. Btw, are you a healthy weight yourself? I agree with all those who said the entire family needs to start eating healthy. Try not to have tempting foods in the house.

flowerpower

Tue, Mar 06 2018, 3:36 pm

Bassy Berkowitz is great. I know a few teens that lost weight by her.

sunflower2

Mon, Mar 12 2018, 8:52 pm

if you have wii fit its good workout and alot fun too.. on snowing, raining cold days it's great to lose weight.

Woman of Valor

Mon, Mar 12 2018, 9:10 pm

This is heartbreaking to read. Does your daughter's doctor have a problem with her weight for her height? Does your daughter have a problem with her weight or just you? Please tread so carefully!! You are giving her a foundation for LIFE for how she will feel about her body and about HERSELF. Please think 1000 times before saying anything. I see too much anxiety and pain surrounding food, and I think so much of it is preventable. I am the one who told the mother of 15 month old not to pressure child to eat anything, much healthier that way, at any age. Children have a natural intuition about what and how much to eat but this intuition can be damaged by well-meaning adults who disrupt it. Can someone post a link to the wonderful blog about how to talk to your daughter about her body? Something like "eating and gaining weight at your age is NORMAL HEALTHY GOOD AND WONDERFUL"
Not saying necessarily it isn't an issue for her weight/height just saying it shouldn't be you who decides that

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Mar 12 2018, 9:11 pm

Live and let live. I weight 110 by that age (I weigh more by now lollllll) don't expect her to have a fully developed body and weigh less then that. The more your pressure, the slower she will want to lose. Maybe OA if you really feel she needs to lose. I have an aunt that weigh more then that and it didn't affect her life not in school and not in shiduchim.

Woman of Valor

Mon, Mar 12 2018, 9:17 pm

plus, in addition to my previous post
she could be entering puberty earlier than they are, maybe she is oldest in her class or just early to develop

amother

Wine

Mon, Mar 12 2018, 9:38 pm

WindowMagic wrote:

Are you serious? OP said her daughter classifies as obese and doesnt even fit into size XL. She absolutely can make the call that weight loss is needed, even with her lowly degree of "mother".
If her doctor doesn't agree its time to switch doctors.
I am all for being careful how you word it, and emphasizing healthy eating vs pounds on a scale but come on. Sometimes you need to (gently and caringly) call a spade a spade. She needs to lose weight.

little neshamala

Mon, Mar 12 2018, 9:40 pm

amother wrote:

It may not affect shidduchim but it can certainly affect her health. Usually I agree with "live and let live" but not now.

amother

Teal

Mon, Mar 12 2018, 9:48 pm

My very first diet that helped me feel results immediately was this: all food til 6 pm. After 6 pm, only water or herbal tea. Make it 7 pm if 6 is too early.

Woman of Valor

Mon, Mar 12 2018, 9:50 pm

amother wrote:

You sound quite upset, but nothing we are saying is in contradiction. I said tread carefully, and I never said her daughter isn't obese. That would be quite laughable as I never met her or daughter!! And XL for kids or adults btw?? I wonder how many obese adults would be at a healthier weight if they weren't made to feel worthless for their size early on. Say what you want, it is true.

amother

Cyan

Mon, Mar 12 2018, 10:13 pm

amother wrote:

My very first diet that helped me feel results immediately was this: all food til 6 pm. After 6 pm, only water or herbal tea. Make it 7 pm if 6 is too early.

This is disordered eating.

It also makes NO sense for a kid who is probably not getting home from school until 4 or 5pm, and most kids do not eat properly in school.

amother

Olive

Mon, Mar 12 2018, 10:14 pm

My 2 chubby teens wanted to lose weight for my sons wedding so they went to Rochelle on 46 street in boro park. She is the sweetest person and my girls did so well by her. This was over a year again and the have both kept off their 15 lb weight loss and are begging me to let them go back to lose more but it’s too costly for now

amother

Wheat

Mon, Mar 12 2018, 10:44 pm

I also heard of Rochelle. How much does she charge? Does she take insurance?

amother

Babypink

Wed, Mar 14 2018, 10:03 am

Another vote for Bassy Berkowitz. She's great with teens! My daughter did very well.

That being said, you can't just put a 13 year old on a food plan without changing the way the FAMILY eats. When I decided to put my kid on a diet, the whole family ate the same food she did. We made it fun and tasty. Nothing boring. It was a family project of healthy eating. It worked a charm!

amother

Wheat

Wed, Mar 14 2018, 2:57 pm

Does Bassy take insurances? I'm looking for someone who does.

justcallmeima

Wed, Mar 14 2018, 7:25 pm

Please take it from someone who has battled disordered eating my entire life...
LEAVE HER ALONE.
Don't say anything. Don't call anyone. Don't do anything. If she asks for your help, provide the help. Do NOT tell her she needs to lose weight. Please. Do not promise her rewards if she loses weight. Provide healthy nutritious food, live an active lifestyle as a family. Full stop. If you have a scale in your house, get rid of it. I'm not kidding. These are the recommendations of the American Pediatric Association. And me.

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