Ask Away About Other Communities- Not Chassidim

Boca00

Mon, Mar 05 2018, 5:15 pm

I think Chassidim have had their time in the limelight. We have dissected and discussed all the practices we could think of. Let's give them a break and everyone a chance to learn about other communities.

I've read comments in those threads to the effect of "how would you like if we asked all these questions about YOUR community"... and I have no problem with discussing my community. I would imagine most people feel the same.

So if anyone has any questions regarding any community OTHER than Chassidim, feel free to ask them here (respectfully!) and other imamothers can share why they do things a certain way.

Please, let's keep this nice and sincere. Looking forward to learning new things.

thunderstorm

Mon, Mar 05 2018, 5:27 pm

I went to BY and am probably the only girl that married someone with a shtreimel. My classmates all married learning guys and for the most part their husbands are learning or have a shteller. Many of these women were extremely with it, full of energy , always smiling etc. Unfortunately , in more than half of my class these women have a baby almost every year and look like shmattas. They honestly look miserable and can barely force a smile. Even when they talk, it comes out in this slow weird way. The kids are all over the place , on top of the shopping cart, underneath and hanging from all sides. Many of them are parents in my kids classes now. It almost looks like life itself has been sucked out of them and they are just not coping. Is this what they signed up for? Is this a result of working too hard? Are they not allowed to take BC? Are they proud of this chaos that they deal with daily? I'm trying to understand the path they have chosen. I honestly believe that they are not happy . They would smile and be themselves otherwise. Something is wrong and it really concerns me. I went to the same school and could've made the same choices as them. I knew I can't live a kolell life so my DH only learned until my first was born. I just worry that these innocent women truly believe that torturing themselves is their avodas HaShem and it bugs me.

Boca00

Mon, Mar 05 2018, 5:41 pm

BDM- that does sound concerning and I sure hope they speak to their Rav about BC if they are not managing.

Most yeshivish people that I know do know about (and take) BC. In fact, the only friend that admitted that she didn't know BC was ok was from a family that was much more balabatish (as was her husband).

We must live in different communities, as most of the women I know with a bunch of little kids are actually super geshikt, dress their kids adorably, have overall clean, neat homes and hold down good jobs. The women I know who are falling apart do quickly start BC.

You do have a point though. Yes, yeshivish women do tend to have large families. It was always my dream and as a kid I would say I wanted "as many kids as possible... Maybe 20? 25?" I've since reconsidered that lol. I do have a bunch of kids close together, but my kids, home, social life and job are just fine, thankyouverymuch.

thunderstorm

Mon, Mar 05 2018, 5:43 pm

I may be the only one with questions. This one is for families that have TV and allow the kids tv time. In today's day and age TV is full of filth . Lots of talk about zex and cursing. How do you keep the divide and how do your kids stay on the path of Yiddishkeit and frumkeit with all the garbage that they are exposed to? I see from my own family members that the kids with television are busy with boyfriends and girlfriends at age four and up. That is so young for kids to have their heads full of that stuff. Isn't harder to have gedarim once they are exposed? I am not naive . I'm want to hear how you keep them motivated in pursuing ruchnius when they are exposed to a very exciting world that non tv kids are not exposed to.

amother

Black

Mon, Mar 05 2018, 5:45 pm

I am yeshivish, dh is in kollel, and I am on bc.

He may or may not stay in klei kodesh long term, depending on our needs. And even he does, he would (and already does) dabble in some sort of business on the side.

Honestly? I think most people having kids one after another want it. Very possibly it's because of social pressures in some cases, but at the end of the day it's their personal choice, not because of halacha. And most are managing well. I actually wish I would manage like that, but I just can't.

flowerpower

Mon, Mar 05 2018, 6:09 pm

amother wrote:

My friend in Lakewood has 8 kids. Oldest is 11. She works. Her dh learns/works. She seems to want a large family. They look happy and settled.

I hope this post is only positive, productive, and informative. I hate when people knock other ways of living. It's really nasty. To each their own! Embrace the colorful jewish world🌈

thunderstorm

Mon, Mar 05 2018, 6:40 pm

Boca00 wrote:

Any yekkish imas here? Does everything REALLY start on time?

I had a yekke co worker who taught me so many interesting things they do.
1. A vimpel
2. Grunken on Shabbos instead of cholent
3. Chuppa chosson and kallah stand with backs facing the crowd

amother

cornflower

Mon, Mar 05 2018, 6:49 pm

Boca00 wrote:

Any yekkish imas here? Does everything REALLY start on time?

Yekkete here. Yes, everything does start on time. And end on time. The last few bar mitzvahs I attended I was at home by 22:15
I love it, but it makes it hard to attend functions of other types of jews as the lateness drives me insane

crust

Mon, Mar 05 2018, 6:51 pm

Boca00 wrote:

Any yekkish imas here? Does everything REALLY start on time?

Any Bucharian imas here?
How can I ever be invited to a wedding of your children? I'd love to see it!
And does the gift really have to be so expensive?

cnc

Mon, Mar 05 2018, 6:53 pm

crust wrote:

Any Bucharian imas here?
How can I ever be invited to a wedding of your children? I'd love to see it!
And does the gift really have to be so expensive?

I’ve been invited to many.
By gift, are you referring to the price of your seat?

crust

Mon, Mar 05 2018, 6:53 pm

Bizzydizzymommy wrote:

I had a yekke co worker who taught me so many interesting things they do.
1. A vimpel
2. Grunken on Shabbos instead of cholent
3. Chuppa chosson and kallah stand with backs facing the crowd

What's A vimpel?
And is it Grunken or Groipen (kasha) ?

Boca00

Mon, Mar 05 2018, 6:57 pm

amother wrote:

That's awesome.

thunderstorm

Mon, Mar 05 2018, 6:58 pm

crust wrote:

What's A vimpel?
And is it Grunken or Groipen (kasha) ?

Vimpel- when a baby boy is born he lays on a fabric the mother and family painstakingly decorate. Some embroider, do quilting, painting all sorts of different methods of decorating are used. On each milestone it gets added to his garment. Such as Bar Mitzvah, to the Tallis etc. I need a yekke to describe it. It's a beautiful concept and it gets decorated more and more as the milestones change.
I was told it's called "grunken" it's German and is grainlike similar to barley. I don't think it's kasha though.

crust

Mon, Mar 05 2018, 7:04 pm

Bizzydizzymommy wrote:

This vimpel sounds beautiful!
I wonder. What do they do with it afterwards?

thunderstorm

Mon, Mar 05 2018, 7:11 pm

[quote="crust"]This vimpel sounds beautiful!
I wonder. What do they do with it afterwards?[/quote
I think it gets sewn into the chuppa when the boy gets married.
I think it also gets wrapped around a Sefer Torah as the gartel at a certain point

amother

cornflower

Mon, Mar 05 2018, 7:17 pm

crust wrote:

What's A vimpel?
And is it Grunken or Groipen (kasha) ?

A vimpel is the binding cloth/ belt for the sefer Tora made out of the swaddling cloths used at the community boys‘ brissim. They are embroidered with the boys‘ names and often also geneological information as well as pictures and symbols such as a chuppah
The shabbos food is actully called Grünkern and is Spelt which has been harvested before it’s fully ripe. It’s added to a chulent type stew for the ahabbos lunch