I can no longer support my kid's "No TV" program.

amother

Thu, Nov 01 2007, 5:10 pm

Every year, our son's school has a "TV Busters" program. In short, what this program does, is reward children for not watching television. If he brings a note from his parents saying that he hasn't watched television for the week, he gets a prize. The more weeks he keeps it up, the more he become eligible for a drawing for a larger prize.

DH and I generally encourage these programs. While we watch TV ourselves, we are well aware that there is plenty of stuff that is not age-appropriate or content-appropriate for our children. As a result, when they do watch television, we carefully monitor what it is that they see and hear. The kids know that they cannot watch TV or DVDs without our permission.

Whenever one of our boys came home with the "TV Busters" program, we generally encouraged (but not required) them to participate. Programs that encourage children to watch less TV are generally good things and we support such efforts.

Until this year.

This year our son came home with a "TV Busters" program, which we were expecting. What we were not expecting was that the program had changed. Whereas in the past the boys would earn prizes if they didn't watch TV or DVDs, now, in order to be eligible, the *entire family* has to abstain. Our youngest asked if that included parents, grandparents, siblings, etc., and was told that it meant anyone who was physically in the house. If anyone in the house watched TV, then he was no longer eligible for that week's prize.

At this point, I can no longer support the program. Not because I've changed my opinion about the goal (having our kids watch less television), but because I feel the program has overstepped it's bounds in two places:

1. It's one thing for a school to encourage its students to behave/act in a specific way and to offer inducements for it or punish for non-compliance. However, DH and I are not students in the school. Neither are some of my other kids. Nor are my in-laws who sometimes comes to stay with us for weeks at a time. It's not the school's place to lecture to us whether or not we may watch television and put pressure on us (through the kid's prizes) to change our habits.

2. It's utterly wrong (IMHO) to punish a child for something that they have absolutely no control over. Whether or not DH and I watch a movie, or if my father in law turns on the television in his room while he stays with us is completely out of my son's hands. To punish him for this as if he himself watched television is utterly wrong. Kids should be rewarded and punished for their own accomplishments and actions, not for those of their parents, siblings, grandparents or anyone else.

Furthermore, I am not going to sign that he's eligible if he doesn't watch while DH and I do. To do so would be to show him that cheating and lying is justifiable in order to earn a prize, which is the wrong lesson to teach. It is against everything that we are trying to teach our kids.

So, where does that leave us? It leaves us with some very disappointed kids. I've agreed to get them prizes for not watching TV (although we can't compete with the big prizes the school gives out in the year-end raffle). But I am terribly angry at my son's school for putting us through this. They are overstepping their bounds and trying to control our lives -- which is not their job nor their responsibility.

Clarissa

Thu, Nov 01 2007, 5:15 pm

I agree with everything you said. The whole thing is totally inappropriate.

cindy324

Thu, Nov 01 2007, 5:22 pm

I totally agree with you. I think it's a great idea for you to get your kids prizes instead. See if maybe you can get other families with the same views on the subject to join you in voicing your complaints about the program to the school.

Beyond that , not sure what else you can do.

Crayon210

Thu, Nov 01 2007, 5:58 pm

You sound like a very responsible mother, and should definitely contact the school and make your views known. It's giving kids all the wrong messages (the "being mashpia on your parents" one really irks me).

greenfire

Thu, Nov 01 2007, 6:08 pm

hey one school here had a no own tv policy to be in their school ... ironically I've seen some of these people rent videos ... yes hypocritical indeed ... but I suppose they are either in denial or watch on their microwave so it doesn't count ... (I know I've said this before - but 'tis true)

southernbubby

Thu, Nov 01 2007, 6:09 pm

I do believe in speaking up when the school's policy is unfair to students. I remember once when my girls were in high school and they wanted to try a policy of no excused absences. If a girl was sick and needed to miss, she would not be given a make-up test. This was to keep girls from intentionally missing tests for minor ailments so that they would have more time to study. While I could see the logic in it, I could also see where a girl with strep would show up for a test and infect the pregnant staff members as well as other students. I told the staff that my overriding concern would be for my own daughters and their success and that I could not be relied upon to keep a sick child home if she could not make up the test. I think that in the end, they decided to ask for some type of proof that there really was an illness and then a test could be re-scheduled.
With the TV issue, some parents will probably lie about their TV watching in order to let their child win a prize. While I agree with trying to get TV out of Jewish homes, not everyone will play fair.

amother

Thu, Nov 01 2007, 6:11 pm

greenfire wrote:

OP here.

Our school has no such policy. While it is widely known that they don't like the idea of their children watching television (they bring it up at *every* function), they is no official ban on it.

If there were, our children would not be attending that school. For the same reason that I won't sign his notes now, I will not sign a "we don't own a TV" pledge when we do own one and have no intention of disposing of it. It sends the message to a child that lying is permissible to attain a goal -- and the damage from that message far outweighs anything good you might hope your children would learn in the yeshiva.

amother

Thu, Nov 01 2007, 6:15 pm

southernbubby wrote:

With the TV issue, some parents will probably lie about their TV watching in order to let their child win a prize. While I agree with trying to get TV out of Jewish homes, not everyone will play fair.

OP here:

The issue is not one of fairness vis-a-vis one kid and the next. The issue is that the school is using our children to pressure us to change our behavior. That's manipulative and that's wrong. They are trying to impose what they believe to be proper values on me when it is not their place to do so.

southernbubby

Thu, Nov 01 2007, 6:49 pm

I do see the appropriateness of a school enforcing certain standards. I have seen kids try to fit into the cheder when their parents go to sports events or watch TV and the kids are the ones who suffer. They go to school and talk about the latest cartoon or sports hero and the other kids either reject them or they follow them and make other parents upset. Our cheder is not the place for the type of family who watches TV. It is not a kiruv school, nor is it a school for all types of Jews. They would probably ask a family to go elsewhere if they were TV watchers. They would not be a good match for the school.
Parents who want TV are sometimes better off sending their kids to a school where it is allowed.

red sea

Thu, Nov 01 2007, 7:13 pm

wasn't there an option for just the child this year too? there was just an extra prize avail for the whole family joining in that one week? that is what I saw this year.

grapesonavine

Thu, Nov 01 2007, 7:59 pm

I kind of like the idea of the school making such a program. I have such a hard time with constantly having to restrict what my kids watch. ( I would love to be rid of the TV altogether but so far DH is not with me on that.)I definantly see your point though of changing the rules is not fair to the kids. Could you tell more details on how we could do something similar in my kids school? Are the kids allowed to watch Yiddishe videos?

chocolate moose

Thu, Nov 01 2007, 9:14 pm

Years back, before my daughter was even in school, there were Tsnius prizes in the lower grades.

I thought that was absurd because little kids didn't shop for their own clothes !!!! They prob. didn't even dress themselves at that young age !!!

greenfire

Thu, Nov 01 2007, 9:25 pm

amother wrote:

greenfire wrote:

oh I agree with you a million percent about being honest despite their unfairness

and I did not always have a tv (not even sure if it was always their policy or just assumed)

mumsy23

Thu, Nov 01 2007, 9:39 pm

southernbubby wrote:

The OP is not talking about a situation where a school is trying to enforce certain standards. Like she said, if the school had a "no TV" policy, she would not send her kid there. On the contrary, her main problem is that the school is trying to manipulate her child and her family in a dishonest matter. The worst part about it, is the child can be an angel and want nothing to do with the tv and he must suffer because the rest of the family has different opinions. I agree with you OP, its inappropriate.

Clarissa

Thu, Nov 01 2007, 9:47 pm

We break out in hives if the cable is out, so that rule wouldn't work for us. Still, I can't help but wonder how a family with tv winds up at a school that extols the virtue of a tv-less life. Is that confusing for your kids? Are you comfortable with the kids being told it's okay to dictate such things to their adult family-members? It seems kind of disrespectful, and at odds with the whole honoring parents thing.

amother

Thu, Nov 01 2007, 11:32 pm

red sea wrote:

wasn't there an option for just the child this year too? there was just an extra prize avail for the whole family joining in that one week? that is what I saw this year.

OP here:

Must be a different school then. There was no option for the kid only. And if there was, then it's still just as wrong.

amother

Thu, Nov 01 2007, 11:35 pm

sharonah22 wrote:

OP here:

As I said, I like the program... provided that it rewards the kids for what they do. But I don't like it that they are indirectly making me punish my kids by watching TV.

I don't know if Yiddishe videos are allowed or not. I didn't ask and now it doesn't make a difference anyway, since my kids are not going to be eligible regardless.

Atali

Fri, Nov 02 2007, 1:31 am

Quote:

I don't think that this is the same as the TV case. Even if little kids don't buy their own clothes, they can still choose to wear appropriate clothes (by putting a cardigan over a short sleeve top, wearing tights, etc.), but it would be similar to a school giving prizes if the parents dress tznius.

Although I believe that a school can have no-TV and tznius policy for parents, it is wrong to reward the kids for it.

chocolate moose

Fri, Nov 02 2007, 10:37 am

Atali wrote:

I don't think that this is the same as the TV case.

I think it's similar enough to mention.