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If you are/ were principal of a school.....
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amother
Navy


 

Post Tue, Mar 13 2018, 12:20 pm
And you were told by a mother that one of the teachers in your employment was messing around with her husband would you:

A. Immediately fire that teacher.

B. Warn the teacher that this was brought to your attention and if it doesn't end immediately she will be fired.

C. Do nothing. She's a very good teacher. Her personal life is her own business.

D. Other.
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southernbubby




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 13 2018, 12:25 pm
amother wrote:
And you were told by a mother that one of the teachers in your employment was messing around with her husband would you:

A. Immediately fire that teacher.

B. Warn the teacher that this was brought to your attention and if it doesn't end immediately she will be fired.

C. Do nothing. She's a very good teacher. Her personal life is her own business.

D. Other.


I say B because if you immediately fire her she can sue. There is probably no way to prove an affair is occurring, unless you have access to her text messages, but warning her is probably the best recourse.

Her personal life has become less personal when she picked the father of one of the students to have an affair with.
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amother
Red


 

Post Tue, Mar 13 2018, 12:27 pm
What do you mean by messing around?
If its what I think, than she doesnt belong in my school
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crust




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 13 2018, 12:29 pm
D. I would first press that mother to the wall she should be clear as day;

Messing around with husband as in sleeping with more than one man?
How many?
How does she know?
Does it mean that she replied to a message on social media to another man?
Or, does messing around mean that she doesnt want to go to his parents for yom tov?

Also, how naive is this mother?
What is the mother's relationship with this teacher?
Did she always have a pick on her?


Last edited by crust on Tue, Mar 13 2018, 12:39 pm; edited 1 time in total
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SixOfWands




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 13 2018, 12:33 pm
amother wrote:
What do you mean by messing around?
If its what I think, than she doesnt belong in my school


What if the mother were wrong. It happens.
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happyone




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 13 2018, 12:36 pm
Do we know this is 100% true? If it's baseless rumors you do nothing. However, if it is true, teachers need to exemplify appropriate behaviors, and if she's fooling around should not be teaching students . I dont see how you can know for sure unless you are the one cheating/fooling around.
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amother
Navy


 

Post Tue, Mar 13 2018, 12:51 pm
OP here. Let me clarify.

My husband admitted to an emotional affair with this teacher. Claims the physical level never went beyond holding hands. Promised to cut off ties and work on our marriage. He has still been sneaky, made phone calls. As to whether he has continued to see her face to face and done more hand-holding or far worse - couldn't say.

DH clearly cannot control himself. I would like to see if school principal can scare this woman into staying the hell away from my husband. Jerk though he may be, my goal is to keep my family in tact.
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amother
Olive


 

Post Tue, Mar 13 2018, 12:59 pm
So sorry for what you are going through. Unfortunately, you can't outsource the job of breaking them up to the principal. It's up to your husband and this woman to fix things themselves and to do teshuva.

Also, on a practical level, if you cause her to lose her job, who's to say she won't reciprocate by making your husband lose his job? And if they both end up angry at you, you might just push them into each other's arms (literally and figuratively). Not to mention that the whole town will know about this.

The situation has to be resolved without bringing in outsiders. Only your husband and this woman can fix what they have broken.
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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 13 2018, 1:06 pm
amother wrote:
OP here. Let me clarify.

My husband admitted to an emotional affair with this teacher. Claims the physical level never went beyond holding hands. Promised to cut off ties and work on our marriage. He has still been sneaky, made phone calls. As to whether he has continued to see her face to face and done more hand-holding or far worse - couldn't say.

DH clearly cannot control himself. I would like to see if school principal can scare this woman into staying the hell away from my husband. Jerk though he may be, my goal is to keep my family in tact.

Do you have a child in the school? That would make it more clear-cut. Meaning, the teacher was acting inappropriately with one of the schools parents.
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amother
Aquamarine


 

Post Tue, Mar 13 2018, 1:09 pm
It could be the mother is making up a story. Ask your Local Rabbi. Because it can cause sholem bayis issues and a whole lot more. And firing is not a joke.
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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 13 2018, 1:11 pm
amother wrote:
It could be the mother is making up a story. Ask your Local Rabbi. Because it can cause sholem bayis issues and a whole lot more. And firing is not a joke.

Did you read her update? OP is the wife.
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Blessing1




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 13 2018, 1:36 pm
I feel so sorry for you! This is horrible!
But you have nothing of warning said teacher if staying away from DH when he won't stay away from her. It's a two way street. I would tell the principal that you know for certain she's messing with one of the parents, don't say whom.
Is the teacher married?


Last edited by Blessing1 on Tue, Mar 13 2018, 4:17 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Brunette


 

Post Tue, Mar 13 2018, 4:04 pm
I would put said dh out of his job, as a dh. I know its not so simple to break up a family and said that tongue in cheek but its him, hers are a dime a dozen if him is willing to step out. He gets all the blame. Don't waste much energy on her.
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crust




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 13 2018, 8:27 pm
I'm so sorry Op. What a twist to your original post! Ouch.

I would tell you to think before you speak to the principal. First of all, Do you want this story to come back to you "before" you decide what to do?

After all...the principal signs no Hipaa form. She can potentially do something that will be a disservice to you.

And lets say that in best case scenario it works out according to your dreams... Principal fires her tactfully and in a magical way this causes her to stop 'holding hands' with your dh. What will you do about the next woman that holds hands with your dh? What if that next woman won't work at all?

Im sorry you are going through this.
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anonymrs




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 13 2018, 8:59 pm
Why will it stop if she is fired from her job?
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amother
Navy


 

Post Tue, Mar 13 2018, 9:04 pm
watergirl wrote:
Do you have a child in the school? That would make it more clear-cut. Meaning, the teacher was acting inappropriately with one of the schools parents.


More than one. And more than one that has been her student.
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amother
Navy


 

Post Tue, Mar 13 2018, 9:07 pm
Blessing1 wrote:
I feel so sorry for you! This is horrible!
But you have nothing of warning said teacher if staying away from DH when he won't stay away from her. It's a two way street. I would tell the principal that you know for certain she's messing with one of the parents, don't say whom.
Is the teacher married?


Teacher is involved in a crazy bitter divorce and custody battle that has been dragging on forever.
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tf




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 13 2018, 9:15 pm
Blessing1 wrote:
I feel so sorry for you! This is horrible!
But you have nothing of warning said teacher if staying away from DH when he won't stay away from her. It's a two way street. I would tell the principal that you know for certain she's messing with one of the parents, don't say whom.
Is the teacher married?

If she doesn't say who, the principal may not accept it. If she does, principal may not do anything anyway. Go figure. It's a crazy world. I hope this is a made-up story, hopefully not pulling this thread into a bunch of nonsense lh, nivel peh, and who knows what.
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TCR




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 13 2018, 9:18 pm
amother wrote:
Teacher is involved in a crazy bitter divorce and custody battle that has been dragging on forever.

Speak to a rav or therapist. Leave the principal out of this
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Jewishfoodie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 13 2018, 9:24 pm
OP! So sorry for what you're going through.

Step by step here.

1. Your husband volunteered this info. Correct? If so, he wants to get it off his chest for whatever reason. You are well within your rights to insist you go to couples counseling to resolve his issues and need for attention from other females etc.

2. If your child is in this school, maaaan. Awkward! But it's still not the teacher who needs her job revoked, though I question her moral compass. If it wasn't her, it would be someone else, if he had the need for a "friend".

3. This is quite controversial in some circles but the reality is that men are usually completely comfortable with being open with other women, besides their wife, and it's not because you're not enough of a wife. It's because they want to be liked. By a lot of women. Not just one. Please dont hang me; it's true. Just look at the workplace. You have no idea how many bosses have "heart to heart" talks about their wives and marriage with coworkers; male and female alike. I didn't say it was right. I just said it's a fact in many environments.

4.To solve this, you need your husband to make a commitment to you. A commitment that will not be easy for his nature but is necessary in order for your marriage to continue at a happy pace. And in order for you not to be hurt.

5. Some people are happy not knowing. Their husbands bring in a fine income, how he gets to it is not their wives' concern, and they "fool around" at their leisure, knowing their wives are stuck relying on them. Baruch Hashem that is not the case by you. You sound too angry for it to be the case. So take a deep breath, and get to the bottom of his "need for other friends".

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It's a horrible feeling thinking your husband's allegiance may lie elsewhere. But it's a workable situation. Don't let your mind go to.. "He's cheating on me" because this could be in innocence. I don't know your background but I find in some circles, where men have never spoken to a female other than their sisters prior to marriage, some of them kinda go a bit overboard after marriage. Like it's forbidden fruit to them..

I'm sorry that this is happening but do know that it happens in all circles. You do whatever it takes for you to trust him again.

Unless he's not willing to take the steps you recommend, you should be able to solve this to your satisfaction.

Good Luck, I hope this is just harmless unburdening, on his part. Very likely, it is.

Though I'm hating the teacher for getting in your way..
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