I don't like my baby

amother

Beige

Wed, Mar 21 2018, 2:23 pm

Op, I'll echo what others said. see if babysitting help would be an option for you. it may be very helpful. my toddler who was a planned pregnancy and love b'H also makes me feel like tearing my hair out at times. this age they can be very demanding and all over the place, make a huge mess etc. he just started playgroup and it is so much better in all aspects. he is more on a schedule now with going to sleep and he feels so good about himself. plus he really has a structured day and gives off lots of energy so when he comes home its easier to control him.
Good luck and don't be so hard on yourself.

amother

Periwinkle

Wed, Mar 21 2018, 3:01 pm

Firstly put trigger warning on post title.

Op I have no idea what you are going through and I wish I did.
I have been waiting a while for a child. I'm so sad when I read posts like this. Its so painful to see when people don't care about their children or cant cope with their kids. Maybe I cant post on here because I don't qualify as I don't have kids.
but my point is this:
Im looking after myself to help myself have a child and bring up a child with love and care. Im getting help emotionally and physically so that I am capable of doing that.
You op, need to look after yourself so that you can look after your children with love and care. As much as I want to shout at you and call you selfish and ungrateful I want to hug you and tell you that you need to look after yourself so that you never come to the point of wanting to harm your child.

alis_al_kulana

Wed, Mar 21 2018, 7:53 pm

22 months is a very difficult age with a non verbal child.

She is also frustrated at her inability to communicate.

She should be in speech therapy and it might help to have a mother's helper. She needs lots of affection and love, but it doesn't all need to come from you.

It will be easier to live her when she starts talking. I also could not connect well with one of my children until they spoke fluently.

amother

Sienna

Wed, Mar 21 2018, 8:01 pm

I was your baby.
Unplanned. & mother got a huge dose of dibilitating mental illness Post me
I was rejected and unloved by my father till The day he died. & always ALWAYS felt it.

Nobody deserves to feel unwanted, unloved, undeserving of life or normalicy.
I still grapple with feeling unloved 52 years later.

Go. Get. Help.

Your child did not ask to be born.
She deserves a fighting chance & she won’t get one b/c she feels whatever u are feeling. Don’t kid yourself

amother

Firebrick

Wed, Mar 21 2018, 8:52 pm

I actually feel a lot of shame reading my post and these responses. My kids are absolutely showered with love. My husband and I give them the world emotionally. If I had not written the original post I would be yelling at this mother too. I feel guilty I put my "sometimes" feelings down on paper. She is in babysitting during the day and when I have a day off she is with me. The truth is these thoughts only creep up when I have so much to do that the anxiety is just overwhelming. It starts in my belly and just rises to my throat and she is just screaming because I opened her string cheese wrong. The hardest times are if I am trying to work with a child on homework, or the house is a mess, or I am so tired from work. I may speak to the doctor about getting meds. I know I am absolutely sleep deprived but I work a job that requires night hours. I pray for those who are davening for a child to have one really soon. I am sorry I triggered you and am not sure how to change the title. I am sorry for the poster who said she was that unwanted child. I feel bad I included that point that it was unplanned but I was thinking maybe subconsciously I needed to express that we got in over our heads a bit?

alis_al_kulana

Wed, Mar 21 2018, 8:57 pm

amother wrote:

You need to get more rest and help, and if that is not possible, accept your limitations. If this is a sometimes thing she will be fine.

I do think speech therapy should help a lot. When my child started taking they became easier.

amother

Silver

Wed, Mar 21 2018, 9:07 pm

Firstly I want to say that I once put a trigger warning on a post and got a sarcastic remark about it.

Secondly, to the poster who basically cursed out op - so sorry for your pain but you have no right to say that to her. Do you know that every single time someone sends me a picture of their baby my heart breaks in two? Still, all I saw when I read the op is lots of pain and shame on her part. She doesn’t need you to make her feel worse.

amother

Hotpink

Wed, Mar 21 2018, 9:14 pm

I think only if you have a child in the age bracket of 21 months to 26 months should you respond. My 2 year old goes to babysitter, and he sounds similar to yours. We started ei services recently. He is trying to talk more and communicates quite well without talking so much. He is by far my most difficult child at this age, unless I forgot what the others were like . Yes, he was prayed for a wanted. I turn around, he is picking up the baby, playing with the water in sink, spilling out toys all over, climbs out crib, can open fridge wheb not locked, can throw sippy cup hard enough that it opens, scratch his brother's face, eat cereal while not sitting in high chair, on a regular chair and spill the bowl all over the place after a few bites, can throw food all over, spit, wanders around the house wreaking havoc! I understand you!!! The psychologists say never say bad boy! Say you did a bad thing!

Yes, there are moments when he is entertained by siblings, playing nicely, not doing anything too bad. I love him dearly, hug him, kiss him, spend time watching him in the bath while he is playing nicely or pouring water all over the bathroom, opening and closing the water. Play with him. But I have an adorable baby and other kids, house to keep together, supper to make, clean up wash dishes, work. Not enough cleaning help. And I am tired. I have no idea if you would need meds or just good old fashioned sleep, but know you aren't alone.
For the posters who have very very difficult nisyonos, HASHEM should answer your tefillos.
We all have our peckel and are entitled to kvetch. May you do your hishtadlus to maybe get him therapy for speech, SI, OT maybe get chesed girls to help you, more cleaning help, more sleep, and take care of yourself, because no one else will!
I also believe that being stuck in in the winter in small space is making my life incredibly difficult.
HASHEM should answer all our tefillos letova bekarov.

Last edited by amother on Wed, Mar 21 2018, 9:32 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Ginger

Wed, Mar 21 2018, 9:31 pm

amother wrote:

God forbid. I did not curse her. That’s lashon hara. please don’t start fight and cause problems on imamother.
Maybe the op needed to know about my pain in order to except her challenges. And the word “shame” was used for fact that she stated in original post that she doesn’t love her 22 months old.

I am not sure if you referred to me or not.

amother

Ginger

Wed, Mar 21 2018, 9:35 pm

amother wrote:

I am sorry for what u went through. I wish my baby stayed alive. Even if she wasn’t planned she was created in love and was loved and will always be loved. No I am not saying this because she is gone. I love all my kids equally. I hope OP can find way to heal

amother

Beige

Wed, Mar 21 2018, 9:48 pm

amother wrote:

Op, I think you are being too hard on yourself. Most moms (maybe all?) can lose it when their toddlers are being so testy. add to that a million other responsibilities and hard working hours/sleep deprivation.
I think for the most part it kind of balances out. times we can give/show more love and other times that we just need to cope.
be'H as she gets older it will hopefully become easier. and it does! my toddler is now a few months older then your daughter, and while he is still a handful and he talks a lot- so no communication issues, it is a lot better than a few months ago.

amother

Sienna

Wed, Mar 21 2018, 9:59 pm

IM sorry to op for lashing out at u when I first read your post &
To the amother who referred to someone cursing her out, I don’t know if your referring to me or not. I didn’t mean to curse her out.

Good luck op. I apologize for judging u too harshly. It’s a very stressful time of year for everyone and added to that working full time and havingna little one who is demanding of u is enough to make u want to throw in towel.

Have a nice Yom Tov

enneamom

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 12:48 am

OP, I agree that you are being too hard on yourself. You sound like a very good mother. We all get frustrated with our kids from time to time, and it doesn't mean we don't love them.

When she's 16, she won't remember the impatient look you gave when she tantrumed about the string cheese. Good parents try their best and usually make some mistakes. The huge amounts of good you give her will balance out the small amount of bad.

amother

Pearl

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 12:55 am

amother wrote:

Thankyou for clarity but I reread OP post and she states “I hate that I don’t love her”. That’s painful for me to read. How, why, Of course I sometimes don’t like my kids behavior or hutzpadik talk We all have feelings but to expect so much from 22 months old is too much. At such young age Love is giving without expecting anything in return.
Op needs therapy. If she in Brooklyn I can recommend someone amazing calm nice lady

I would love to have the number of the lady I live in brooklyn

amother

Babyblue

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 2:06 am

Hugs, OP. I personally find that the time between the ages of 18 months and 2.5/3 years old are the absolute WORST. It’s a wild and terrifying ride. They are cute, but they also live to test limits and have limited language and coping skills. It’s TOUGH. I often find myself hanging on for dear life during this time period with my kids but experience has taught me that it’ll end.

I can imagine how you must feel, being ambivalent about the pregnancy in the first place. Don’t beat yourself up too much, but use these feeling to help you make some changes. There are lots of things you can do for her and yourself that could make a world of difference. Putting her in playgroup or school ASAP. A babysitter since finding something before Pesach is unlikely. Self-care for you (whatever leisure activities you like). A speech Eval. Therapy for you. You both deserve it.