The non drivers in Lakewood need help.

keym

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 4:38 pm

And the price...
Listen. I dont mind giving a ride to the co-op or whatever.
But a ride to Manhattan will take close to 4 hours of my time even if I dont stay there. Gas, tolls can add up. I dont know prices exactly but roughly $50-$70 for one day.
Thats a huge huge chessed to ask of me.

amother

Maroon

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 4:51 pm

My heart goes out to this woman.
Posts like these get me riled up again over the not driving.
I know this is not the topic now so I'll just say that I'm Chassidish and drive, but I don't feel comfortable driving into Manhattan or other busy cities.
The best thing would be to find someone who is anyway going in that area. Maybe do some networking asking people who are going towards that area anyway. Reach out to Chessed again, they should have drivers driving to major hospitals.

amother

Peach

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 4:52 pm

When my child was hospitalized at LIJ for over two months, Chesed of BP was short on drivers going in that direction.

I was in so much distress about being unable to visit my little son, I began taking driving lessons. By the time I got my driver's license he was out of the hospital.

A few years later he was hospitalized again but I couldnt drive out to visit him because I was hospitalized at the same time :-( and I couldnt drive post surgery.

Family and friends were very unhappy about my driver's license. But what's the alternative?
I had to become my own Chesed driver because Chesed of BP/Willi offer limited service. It's easy to get a ride from BP/Willi to Manhattan, but it's a whole other story getting a free ride further out.

Aa an aside:
If you can donate a properly functioning vehicle to me, I will donate of my time for Chesed calls.

Sebastian

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 4:54 pm

op, the hospitals you mentioned are really far from lkwd. Why is the child there? Why isn't a parent with the child? Staten Island and methodist are 2-3 hr round trip and the tolls are quite expensive. That's quite a favor to ask right before Pesach.

Last edited by Sebastian on Thu, Mar 22 2018, 4:58 pm; edited 1 time in total

Simple1

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 4:57 pm

keym wrote:

I think its fair to say you can do it if they pay for tolls. But it is a lot of time, and I don't see how any working women can do this.

amother

Orange

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 4:59 pm

Op, your not just asking someone to donate hours of their time, but your also asking them to donate around $50 each time they drive this woman (from the op, it doesn't sound like this woman is willing to pay the tolls and gas). I understand it's expensive to uber or take a taxi, but at the end of the day you make it work because our forced to. A 2.5 shouldn't be alone. Period. I don't care if you don't drive, you find a way. That poor child is probably very afraid.

Maya

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 5:26 pm

As someone who got her driver's license at 27, I totally understand the difficulties involved with being a non driver in the suburbs.

But what the OP is asking for is outrageous. I do a lot of chessed driving, and people's attitudes are really bothersome. Like, drivers owe them the world because they are oh so helpless and have to follow all the ridiculous archaic rules. I agree with the poster who said that the OP is guilting people and that's not okay.

If this woman's child was sent to a hospital 2-3 hours away from home, someone should be making arrangements for rides, namely the husband or other male family members. It is not the responsibility of the greater community to provide for women who are making the choice not to drive - and I say this as someone who knows what those decisions entail. Women can continue to be perfectly Chassidish even with a driver's license, and to ask others to give away 4-5 hours of their time and patience is entitlement at its best.

thunderstorm

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 5:33 pm

Mommyg8 wrote:

This just occurred to me... wheres this lady's husband? Why doesnt HE drive her? Seriously.

BTW, I dont know many women who would drive to Manhattan, and not everyone does highways, either....

If this woman needs to prepare her home for Pesach and has other kids that need to be cared for, she is most likely taking turns with her husband. He is probably in the hospital with the kid and she home and then they switch. Unfortunately, I have had to do this on more than one occasion.
I feel bad for this woman. If anything, I think men would have more freedom to perform this type of chesed now since they have bein hazmanim and not all men are home for Pesach and need to help their wives. To ask other women to provide rides now , is a bit much.
I don't drive out of fear of driving and therefore when my DS was in the hospital for a week I was literally stuck there the entire time, because I couldn't just drive home when DH came to visit for a few hours. I understand this woman's plight and hope her child has a speedy recovery. This sounds like an awful thing to be dealing with , let alone right before Pesach.

amother

Slategray

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 5:54 pm

Maya wrote:

Archaic rules? Try “made up” rules. Archaic makes me think of rules that actually made sense in archaic times.

amother

Lawngreen

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 6:13 pm

I hate driving highways. I drive to Manhattan when I don't have a choice. I have taken Monsey trails early in the morning and hopped on a bus returning to Monsey after a Drs visit. I have taken a cab from Manhattan to Williamsburg to catch a bus there as well.

When My DC had to go to a Dr in Westchester I was told by well meaning friends to call a chesed organization. The message is in Yiddish, which I understand usually, but I struggled. I left a message anyways. I never got a call back. DH took a day off to drive us (next time he went himself). I met a mom there from Monroe. She hired a taxi for a flat fee that included waiting time. It wasn't as expensive as I thought, although Monsey is further than Monroe.

I don't understand why Monsey gets a new cab company every other month and Lakewood has so few options.

amother

Cerise

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 6:15 pm

amother wrote:

Archaic rules? Try “made up” rules. Archaic makes me think of rules that actually made sense in archaic times.

There were no cars in archaic times, alas

amother

Rose

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 6:17 pm

Disclaimer: I don't live in Lakewood, and I do drive (when DH is not at work with the car).

I think many are upset at the way the thread is presented. As in "All of those who drive are being lazy and inconsiderate of those who don't and look what a terrible situation this puts us in!" Puts us all on the defensive and comes across as very entitled.

Either this is a one-time problem, in which case the thread would probably get better responses if phrased something like "Woman with 2 year old in hospital desperate for ride from Lakewood to _____ - please let me know if you know anyone going in that direction!"

Or this is an ongoing problem, in which case you might want to try "Starting a new chesed organization with women offering rides for Lakewood women, if you are able to volunteer please contact me!"

Just my 2 cents, sorry if I'm inserting myself where I don't belong.

cnc

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 6:25 pm

I volunteer for an organization which provides multiple service- including giving rides to hospitals. Many of the recipients of that particular chessed do drive but don’t necessarily have the head to drive the long way due to the circumstances that bring them to the hospital in the first place etc..

My dh also used to provide hospital rides for people to Sloan Kettering. Even thought people drive, they don’t have a head to drive to and from the hospital when taking their child for chemo. And for those that technically do feel up to it, I think it’s great that they can use the hour or so ride to “de- stress” after spending the whole day in the hospital with a sick kid.

I feel bad for the OP of this thread, I don’t see her trying to guilt anyone. I see desperation...

amother

Tangerine

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 6:25 pm

Mommyg8 wrote:

This just occurred to me... wheres this lady's husband? Why doesnt HE drive her? Seriously.

BTW, I dont know many women who would drive to Manhattan, and not everyone does highways, either....

I would imagine that when she isn't in the hospital then he is. So I guess coming to fetch her would mean that no one is with their child in the hospital.

cnc

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 6:26 pm

Sebastian wrote:

I know it’s off topic but I was also wondering why a Lakewood resident would be at methodist... Staten Island May have a good burn unit IIRC

amother

Brunette

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 6:32 pm

Op here, I'm sorry for upsetting so many people. I realize my title was not written clearly, and I was too much in a rush when I wrote this(hectic time with my kids). Never the less I would not like to go into more discussion about this. I will politely ask that this discussion be done with.

Sunny Days

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 6:33 pm

cnc wrote:

THIS exactly. having spent 2 months plus in the hospital I agree with every word here.

thunderstorm

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 6:34 pm

cnc wrote:

I know it’s off topic but I was also wondering why a Lakewood resident would be at methodist... Staten Island May have a good burn unit IIRC

They could have been away in Brooklyn and child got the burn there. Who knows? Many possibilities .