S/O The non drivers in Lakewood need help.

naturalmom5

Fri, Mar 23 2018, 12:26 pm

"Because people don’t like being other people’s “shabbos g-y”

The only problem with this is, anyone I have ever drove as a chesed or get paid, acts very self-righteous and speaks to me like I'm her cleaning lady.

Even by a kiddush these same people I did favors exhibited body language like its beneath them to talk to me socially.

CCard you may be an exception to the rule

creditcards

Fri, Mar 23 2018, 1:05 pm

If someone doesn't have internet in their home and needs something extremely important like an emergency. Asks you to do it for you. Would you start bashing them that they don't have internet? Or do you decide if you can do this chesed and do it if it's feasible and say no if you can't?
(I've had people who would look down on me that I have internet and give me some negative comments and then go ahead and ask me to use it. Of course it doesn't feel good. But in general those few people shouldn't be preventing me from helping others when I can...I have seen that all these people who give me the comments do it because they are jealous that I have internet and they really want it too)

Last edited by creditcards on Fri, Mar 23 2018, 1:09 pm; edited 1 time in total

creditcards

Fri, Mar 23 2018, 1:12 pm

Chayalle wrote:

If I had an emergency, I would ask you to use the Eiruv for me on Shabbos in Brooklyn. Actually, I'd use it myself.

What kind of emergency necessitates the internet, though?

I have a different definition of emergency than you. Like needing a ride to visit a daughter in hospital I consider an emergency. Don't know if that's called pikuach nefesh that you can violate Shabbos for.

amother

Fuchsia

Fri, Mar 23 2018, 1:45 pm

Hi I'm the op from that thread, and no way do I think it's wrong to drive.

in fact almost all women in my family drive. I actually had my permit when I moved here. Just to prove the point. There are reasons why we're not driving and I don't want to discuss them.

The fact is that we are in this predicament and a lot of women don't want to drive on the highway so this,problem is bigger then I thought.

There were plenty of nasty responses. And some very nice ones.

It was not a discussion if you were gonna help out it was a simple request.

to all of you who are judging us you should know that you don't know all the details of the reasons and I won't go into it. But just know that you are judging something without having a full picture.

And no your not a g$y for driving. It was a simple request to help out a mother that is having unfortunately a very unfortunate circumstance not just the child having to be in burn unit but other things that are incredibly painful to it.

I can't spell out all the details. I was feeling very pained at her situations and was looking to get some help for her.

Yes the chasidish community that recently moved here is new but with time we will set things up. For now it's hard.

Hopefully we will be the ones helping everyone else out. And this will be a distant memory.

Notsobusy

Fri, Mar 23 2018, 1:50 pm

amother wrote:

I was one of the posters who wasn't nice, and I'm sorry for that. I'm not trying to excuse myself, just explaining. The way your op was written sounded to me like you were trying to guilt us into it, I'm happy to hear that wasn't your intention. A simple request would have gotten a very different response. I do feel terrible for that mother and I hope she finds someone who can help her.

amother

Fuchsia

Fri, Mar 23 2018, 1:51 pm

I'm sure there are plenty of women who are so unforgiving for the reasons that chasidish women drive have gotten rides from chessed of bp or willi. In fact it's run by chasidish people. They never question or ask why or who are. Or what your situation is. Such is real chessed. Kudos to all those people who do chessed the right way. My mother has actually driven lots and lots of people to whatever appointment or hospital they needed with out question or judgement. Yes she's chasidish and loves to help out. Never did the comments like I read there come through her mouth. She drives anyone and everyone. Yay I'm proud of you mom!

amother

Khaki

Fri, Mar 23 2018, 2:23 pm

amother wrote:

You can be forgiving and still point out the troubling components of the issue. It is not a contradiction.

leah233

Fri, Mar 23 2018, 2:50 pm

Chayalle wrote:

If I had an emergency, I would ask you to use the Eiruv for me on Shabbos in Brooklyn. Actually, I'd use it myself.

What kind of emergency necessitates the internet, though?

There can be an emergency email

If someone doesn't have it because they have business need for it and know their neighbor has a business that requires (filtered) internet presumably they wouldn't look askance at that neighbor.

That said asking a neighbor to use their internet is intrusive.

InnerMe

Sat, Mar 24 2018, 9:43 pm

amother wrote:

Fuscia, thanks for this post. I hear now we're you are coming from. I think a lot of the strong reaction came from the way you presented it. It was presented more as a global thing. I think a post asking is there anyone available to help out a mom know a tough situation..with the details..you would've gotten a more focused response, with imas letting you know if at all this is possible.

I do hope that this child has a Refuah Shelaima and that the mom is able to go into peach with ease and happiness You sound like a kind caring friend with a big heart.

amother

Firebrick

Sun, Mar 25 2018, 4:37 am

this is just about the women not driving in lakewood... Do the rebbes know about the women I see zooming across route 9 with strollers to get to stores. Ive seen quite a few times chassidish women crossing not by lights across a highway with kids. running cuz there are cars coming. Its so scary to see and im so afraid when I see it. I ve seen it quite a few times.

amother

Salmon

Sun, Mar 25 2018, 4:50 am

amother wrote:

Can I respectfully ask what the reasons for not driving are? Not to argue, just to know. Rolling Eyes

Chayalle

Mon, Mar 26 2018, 11:52 am

I was thinking a bit about the original thread and why people got ticked off.

The truth is, even someone who drives can need a ride, and I've been one of those people. When my teen DD was 5, she fell out of a shopping cart and fractured her skull, and had a concussion...she was airlifted to CHOP (Children's Hospital of Philadelphia) and I was not allowed to go with her, as there was no extra room in the chopper. I was told to drive down and meet her there.

DH and I were in no shape, emotionally, to drive to Philli right then....and one of us really needed to stay behind for our other kids....so Bikur Cholim so kindly arranged for a (male, BTW) volunteer to drive me, and DH stayed behind. When DD was discharged, my parents drove down and picked us up.

So I can totally understand the need to be driven to a hospital to be with your child - even if you drive! To drive, you need to be calm and alert (I was neither, after I saw my child lying on the sidewalk...and spent hours in a local hospital running tests, etc.....) I totally get it.

I do agree that the post should've been something like "woman in Lakewood desperately needs someone to drive her to hospital, is anyone available". It didn't have to be about Chassidish vs. Litvishe woman at all - but rather about, who is available and who can drive, because someone needs a ride.

Because even though many of us Litvishe women do drive, not all of us are any more available to drive than, say, the Chassidish husbands. I mean, it is close to Pesach, and many of us have very limited time for the Yom Tov, as we work full time and have family obligations. But for sure, there might be some who are available, and that should've been the aim of the post.

InnerMe

Mon, Mar 26 2018, 12:08 pm

Chayalle wrote:

I agree with your whole post, Chayelle.
I find your insights to be so balanced and down to earth! Glad to have ya round:)