Serial marriers | Imamother

amother

Burgundy

Mon, Mar 26 2018, 3:51 pm

While talking to my father about who he was having over for sedarim, he mentioned that longtime acquaintance "Mr. Goldstein" was coming. So I said, oh, what about Mrs. Goldstein. And my father informed that the Goldsteins recently divorced. This is divorce #5 for Mr. Goldstein. So now I'm wondering, how does one even decide to be wife #5? Like you meet this guy who's been divorced 4 times and somehow think you will be different? Does it not compute that this guy obviously isn't marriage material? And why does Mr. Goldstein keep going back for more? Obvious marriage doesn't work so well for him! How does it even get to that point? I just don't get it from either end.

thunderstorm

Mon, Mar 26 2018, 3:57 pm

amother wrote:

Mr. Goldstein dated my mother . She almost married him too. He is very charming and makes it sound like there was something wrong with each woman and that he just "fell in". It turns out Mr. Goldstein is bipolar. So when dating he seemed totally ok. Only after marriage did things become more obvious. Mr. Goldstein is even the Rav of a shul and is extremely charismatic and outgoing. But he does have problems staying married. Surprisingly his first wife stayed with him for about 15 yrs and he has a lot of kids. The other marriages lasted about 6 months to two years.

amother

Blush

Mon, Mar 26 2018, 3:59 pm

amother wrote:

We don't have to get it. I know a family of young serial marriers too and I usually don't know they've divorced until I hear the new marriage announcement. It's very sad but something must be wrong.

amother

Magenta

Mon, Mar 26 2018, 4:40 pm

My last ex has been with his 5th wife for quite a while. I don't know how she stands him, but I admire her determination. I'm not in touch with them at all so I assume they are still married. But one never knows.

amother

Bronze

Mon, Mar 26 2018, 4:55 pm

I have a relative who's on wife #4. He makes bad choices and then plays the victim. I still think he should have stayed in his longest marriage with whom he had all his children. Yes there were problems but nothing like the problems he brought on himself with the divorce.

amother

Burgundy

Mon, Mar 26 2018, 5:04 pm

I've known Mr. Goldstein since I was a kid, he was at my parents' Shabbos table a lot as an older single. Even before his first marriage, it was unsurprising to me that he was unmarried. He always seemed to me not marriage material. And he never had kids, which sad as it is was probably for the best.

crust

Mon, Mar 26 2018, 5:45 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

I am really happy your mother didn't "fall in" with him. What a story.

I feel that I need to add that bipolar has many levels.

The Mr. Goldstein your mother dated had it on level 10 in addition to another mental illness or you name it cognitive/emotional dysfunction.

amother

Natural

Mon, Mar 26 2018, 5:55 pm

I know a guy like this as well and while I don't know the ins and outs of his personality and the relationships, I feel bad for him because he wants to be married (which is why he keeps trying) and is friendly and all but obviously doesn't realize what it takes to stay in a marriage. From what I understand he has a bit of an anger problem and can be controlling but when he talks about his marriages (or at least his most recent one) he seems clueless as to why she left.... Obviously there's stuff wrong over here, but I feel bad for the guy nonetheless...
As to his wives I think they saw his good qualities while dating and didn't get to see the bad till after...