Bothered by Neighbors kimcha d'pischA

amother

Wheat

Fri, Mar 30 2018, 1:12 am

flowerpower wrote:

Jews shouldn't gossip either. From now on when a jew gossips make a whole fuss! Why are you only busy with that one aveira? How about, every year chose a different issue to become upset about? This way it'll be more interesting and exciting. 😊😊😊😊😊

Oh don't worry, she's taken care of. Why, a couple of months ago she posted how much it bothers her to wait behind school buses when kids get off safely. Mmmm some people apparently love to be bothered by all.

33055

Fri, Mar 30 2018, 1:21 am

amother wrote:

You obviously care little about the truth and distort things as amother. You will be unable to back up your absurd statement. Please feel free to try do so.

Only another not very intelligent loser would believe your post.

Fri, Mar 30 2018, 1:22 am

amother wrote:

I assure you her husband is healthy & dandy.
My point is also that these people receive luxeries many of us can't afford, why can't they give standard fare? Tzedaka also has to be over the top???

How do you know that? He may be a survivor of csa, in which case an outsider wouldn't see anything wrong with him. There are countless other things he may be suffering from which they didn't tell you, and the lay person cannot recognize. I would try to be dan lekaf zechiss. I know it's difficult sometimes, but this is a true nesoyon, and viewing it as such lightens the burden of the emotions involved.

amother

Lavender

Fri, Mar 30 2018, 1:27 am

amother wrote:

They are both healthy but think the entire world has to pity them & help them because the have so many kids. I know them extremely well, I have the facts right. I live right under them & im in their house a lot, I see exactly what's going on. Their attitude effects all neighbors cause they're always borrowing from everyone & not returning.
I'm more bothered by the fact of all luxury items kimcha d'pischa is giving out. It sets a certain standard.

You're a nosy body. Get out of their house and their lives. Don't you dare try to come to my house. I don't need to be your next kurbon.

Fri, Mar 30 2018, 1:41 am

amother wrote:

My neighbors are not embarrassed by the packages, she tells everyone that she gets.
She bought her girls new robes, dresses, shoes for yom tov. My kids & me didn't get anything new for yom tov. The system surely is messed up! I'm very thankful that we can bh afford what we need, but it's hard to watch without bad feelings. Bh we don't need help, we make do without luxuries & fancy clothing. Whilst these people are offered luxeries & coupons on a silver platter, so why bother going out to work???

I didn't get myself or my kids any new clothing for yomtov and it wouldn't dawn on me to be bothered by it. You're only hurting your own self. Nobody is changing anything because you feel this way. You are suffering. Try to look inside yourself. I don't know where this pain is coming from, but you definitely can use some introspection because there's nobody that deserves to suffer the pain you are suffering. There's no reason for the pain. Maybe you need to back off from going to them? Maybe you need a vacation from your hard work? Maybe you need to stop looking at what others have? I don't know what. Only with looking into yourself you can find where the unbalanced thoughts come from and create a way towards balance.

enneamom

Fri, Mar 30 2018, 2:11 am

amother wrote:

Okay stop it. That's just plain mean. Why do you have to attack her personally?

Lashon hara includes onaas devarim, too.

Fri, Mar 30 2018, 2:28 am

flowerpower wrote:

👍👍👍👍

At one point I had a hard time tolerating people. I started working on myself really hard and guess what? I am a much much happier person these days because of it. Want some tips?

Yes. I want some tips. How about a spin off on this? But not today, only after yomtov. I love absorbing more on this topic, it makes life easier.

ssspectacular

Fri, Mar 30 2018, 8:22 am

amother wrote:

This has been bothering me for a long time. I know I should be thankful for what we have, count our blessing & we do. But I can't help it watching my neighbors get kimcha d'pischa packages every day this week & feeling angry, Her DH sits home all day doing nothing, while we work long long hours & live Month to month & buy the bare minimum for yom tov. While they're getting the best of everything without putting in work! Cases of expensive meat, cases of mango! All types of magazines, cases of paper goods, cases of chicken & fish, fruits & vegetables literally truckloads of stuff as they have kids in the double digits. I can't help feel a tinge cause we need to get by with the minimum... and he doesn't work. I feel like it's geneiva from the klal... tzeddaka should be for the people that tear themselves apart to make a living but still can't, not for the ones sitting home expecting free stuff! It really bothers me.

I wonder what age you are, OP
I'm a bubby, b"h, have been in business, involved in schools and organizations for many years and have never met a family that took tzedaka and lived lavishly. Maybe there are some things that they have that are more expensive than stuff I would buy, but look at thee whole picture. Do they have cars? Do they go on vacation?......
Also, for everybody else, not OP, it doesn't make sense to bash a whole system. Systems are made of individual people, who when you get to know them personally, are not the way you thought...

giselle

Fri, Mar 30 2018, 8:25 am

tf wrote:

Yes. I want some tips. How about a spin off on this? But not today, only after yomtov. I love absorbing more on this topic, it makes life easier.

Agreed. Would love to join this coversation - after yt! It’s so frustrating. I find that no matter how hard I work on myself to be more tolerant, it’s a constant daily struggle bec I was brought up in such an intolerant and judgmental environment. There are times when I’m doing great, but then there are times when it feels like this will never really go away and that I’m doomed to battle this for the rest of my life.

amother

Jade

Fri, Mar 30 2018, 8:34 am

Goodbye everyone, I'm leaving imamother for good. I'm a very frequent poster & there's too much nastiness & rudeness lately. Please read what you wrote & tell me why In the world you have to be so mean!! You can bring your point across without making people cry! No reason to be so nasty mean & rude! I should be allowed to say what's bothering me without being bombarded & made to feel like the most awful horrible person in the world!! There's nothing wrong with me being bothered by this situation, but there's everything wrong with many mean responses I got here. (Whoever responded mean are probably the ones receiving programs & help). So goodbye all...I'm sorry Imamother has become a competition of who can be more mean or rude.

amother

Jade

Fri, Mar 30 2018, 8:38 am

And amother lavender, your comment was totally unacalled for & really really hurt my feelings. And you have the chutzpah to hide behind amother. I'm you're Korban now...
I'm not a nosy body, as I mentioned before my neighbor tells me all sorts of things about her life because she needs someone that listens to her... so whatever I know about her she herself told me. So please watch what you say! Sounds like you derive great pleasure by insulting people.
Goodbye

giselle

Fri, Mar 30 2018, 8:46 am

I usually don’t run after ppl not to leave, but there are so many of us who agree with you and have your back. Don’t let the few difficult posters ruin it for you. I’ve taken breaks because of nasty posters, but you can learn to avoid them and walk away from just those discussions. Like someone else posted, you touched a raw nerve and that makes people get extremely defensive and lash out. I’m sorry you got hurt. You did nothing wrong.

DVOM

Fri, Mar 30 2018, 9:24 am

Hey everyone! So I've been reading this thread with interest...

My husband and I have struggled a great deal financially. I mentioned to an acquaintance once that there was something that I badly needed, but couldn't afford. Her response was to buy that thing for me.

Now, I would have been thrilled with a bargain-basement version of that thing. I didn't need anything fancy. It just needed to be functional. But this friend bought me the most beautiful, high end, gorgeous version of that thing that I've ever had. She could have bought six of them for the price she spent on the one she bought for me.

I didn't need it, but I can't tell you what it did for my frame of mind. That she cared enough to buy me the same type of thing that she would buy for herself, for her sister, for her child... I don't even have the words to describe how it made me feel. The closest I can come to describing it is it made me feel valuable, worthy. I was worth getting this really fancy thing.

So when I hear of poor people (poor for whatever reason-- I'm of the belief that no one chooses to be poor) getting really fancy lovely stuff for pesach, I imagine them feeling what I felt, and I’m so glad for them and so grateful that for one more holiday, through great effort and godly intervention, I don't need to get that sort of help. I bless the recipient, in my heart, to have the means to make pesach by themselves next time around, to feel the very deep joy of standing on thier own two feet without aid. Perhaps if I was on the board of this organization I’d have to do a cost-benefit analysis on whether or not I was allocating my funds wisely by spending limited dollars on mangos, but that’s not my job.

amother

Bisque

Fri, Mar 30 2018, 9:32 am

amother wrote:

I completely agree with you and with your assessment of why people are being mean to you. You made them very defensive. Don’t let it get to you.

leah233

Fri, Mar 30 2018, 9:46 am

amother wrote:

The bolded is probably true to a large extent

Please understand that when you attack people in an area that they are vulnerable (even if not attacking them personally) you are not going to get receptive responses from them.

Before starting this thread how much thoughtdid you put into (1) not hurting the feelings of those who are on the receiving end (2)not making this into an "us against them thread"(3)that those who are abusing the system should be receptive to what you are saying?

No.I'm not receiving financial help from others.

flowerpower

Fri, Mar 30 2018, 10:19 am

leah233 wrote:

You and the op are ONE track minded. Where does government help Connect to receiving packages? I know a good few people that get zero help yet got packages for Pesach. Many people that are getting medicaid or whatever else you mentioned didn't get packages....