My really really mean neighbor

amother

cornflower

Wed, Mar 28 2018, 11:36 pm

Hey guys! This is going to be quite a rant so if you're not up to it erev pesach, dont feel compelled to read it. Smile

I live in an apartment building and theres a shared laundry room in the basement. Tonight I put in 2 loads- each one into a separate washing machine. The cycle is 44 minutes long and it was supposed to be done at 7:55. The minute I put the laundry into the washing machine, I headed out with my husband to pick up some supper.
I came back at 7:57 and instead of going upstairs first to put my stuff down, I went straight to the laundry room to get my stuff out of the washing machine.
There were 2 people waiting for the machines. As soon as I emptied out one machine, one lady put her stuff in.
My husband had gone upstairs to get me a basket for the rest of the stuff and he came down with it the second I was ready to empty the second washing machine so it didn't take an extra minute.
As I was leaving the laundry room to go meet my husband by the elevator, the other person waiting for the machine, an older single girl who lives on my floor, started giving me an earful.
She said "its erev pesach, people have things to do. You do know the rule. If you still have your stuff in the machine I could take it out and leave it on the table. But im being courteous." She said this with alot of nastiness and attitude.
I was baffled and I answered that I was there literally 2 minutes after my machines were finished. Then it takes a few minutes to transfer the stuff. She waited 8 minutes in total, more than half the time when I was there. Its not like I showed up crazy late. I was 2 minutes late. Thats it!!
As soon as I left the laundry room and went to wait by the elevator I burst out crying and couldn't stop crying for the next 20 minutes.
Heres the thing about me. I really don't cry often, at all. But I was sooooo hurt. Ive waited in the laundry room for 20 minutes for people to empy the machines and as annoyed as I was, when they came down and apologized I said it was fine and I understood. Life happens.
Having one laundry room for everyone is very inconvenient. You Can never leave your stuff and go take care of something.
Waiting 2 minutes is completely normal. I was so beside myself cuz I would never speak that way to someone if I waited 20 minutes. She was like that cuz I was 2 minutes late.
Besides, shes single and shes telling me, a married woman with a child that its erev pesach. What does she think?? That I don't know???
My sons home from school this week so ive been busy with him+ errands+ cleaning (hubby was sick this week so kinda did it all alone) and im literally trying my best to do it all.
Never mind that this girl lives on my floor but weve never had any sort of communication. She never spoke a word to me and now she opens her mouth??
I know I shouldnt let it get to me but im so angry at her and theres no way I can forgive her. Im choosing not to retaliate because I want to be the bigger person but im so so upset at her.
Sorry so long!!

amother

Crimson

Wed, Mar 28 2018, 11:40 pm

You didn’t do anything wrong.
I find that sometimes when ppl are tense they like to let out their tension on the closest available person.
My dh likes to yell at customer service on the phone when he’s having a bad day when normally he would talk nicely. It lets out steam.
Its not right. It’s a mean thing to do to an innocent person.
Please remember it has nothing to do with you. She’s having a bad day.

octopus

Wed, Mar 28 2018, 11:43 pm

And this is why she is still single. She's nasty.

amother

Royalblue

Wed, Mar 28 2018, 11:58 pm

Yep, her problem, her bad day, not yours.!

WhatFor

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 12:17 am

Sounds like she overreacted about a minor incident. Her attitude did not seem neighborly. Try not to personalize it and realize that she clearly had her own things going on.

I know you're writing out of frustration, but one thing to consider, where you wrote:

Quote:

Besides, shes single and shes telling me, a married woman with a child that its erev pesach. What does she think?? That I don't know???

This almost seems that you think that because she's single, she should know that a married woman with a child is necessarily busier. This may not be the case. You really have no idea what she's dealing with in her own life, just as she doesn't know what you're dealing with in yours. She has to juggle her pesach prep all by herself, and she sees your dh come down with a laundry basket to assist you.

Sharing a laundry facility is stressful for all, especially pre-chag, so maybe don't write her off by her behavior during this one time? Not that you need to at all, but have you and DH ever invited her for a meal? Maybe if you reach out to her and get to know her, her attitude might change?

amother

Turquoise

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 12:21 am

I’m sorry but I think your out of line to mention that she’s single and your a married women. It reads condescendingly.
You have no idea how busy she is. That’s not your business and not something that should be mentioned here.

amother

cornflower

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 12:29 am

Thank you all so much! Its so nice that you all took the time to respond.
Amother turquoise, the reason why I mentioned that shes single is not to say that shes not busy and I am. I don't negate the fact that she also has what to do.
I was trying to bring out a point that im struggling to juggle a lot. I would have appreciated her understanding. (As if I need major understanding for 2 minutes.) I know pesach is coming cuz im working super hard for it, I didn't need her to make me look like an idiot that has nothing to do and all im doing is holding everyone to.

oliveoil

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 12:31 am

Wow. How rude. She's single so she should step aside for your married-with-child highness?

Have you considered how hard Pesach can be for older singles? At least you have a family to celebrate with.

And you mention she lives on your floor but you've had no interaction with her before. How about inviting her to a Shabbos meal since you are MARRIED and all, y'know?

uch. the condescension that reeks from your post. I just can't.

amother

cornflower

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 12:31 am

*holding everyone up.

amother

cornflower

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 12:39 am

Amother olive oil,
Thanks for your reply.
For starters, the reason weve never invited her for a shabbos meal is because were never home for shabbos. Like ever.
I think what you wrote was out of line. Generally when someone is upset, it doesnt matter who they are, you try to bring them up, not push them further down.
Its actually pretty funny cuz im the least condescending person youll ever meet. Im nice to literally every one, many times at my one expense.
The purpose of my post was not at all that im married and shes single. I dont think she has nothing to do for pesach- im sure shes busy!
I was trying to say that I didnt appreciate her making it sound like she was the only one who's busy. I also have a life, im also making pesach and im feeling like an overworked mother whos trying her best to have it all together. So I dont appreciate when someone makes it seem like I'm a cruel person who intentionally came 2 minutes late.

enneamom

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 12:49 am

OP, you're upset because your neighbor was nasty to you. I get it. Yes, she was nasty, regardless of marital status. Yes, she was probably stressed out about other things. Yes, it's erev Pesach and tempers are running high.

I've been yelled at for nothing by car
service drivers, government employees, customer service reps, and various other random individuals. And I'm not the only one. It happens to people all the time. While it's unpleasant and may get me upset to a degree, it's not the same thing as being yelled at by someone I know and care for, someone I'm invested in. There are all kinds of people in the world! And they have varying levels of kindness, rationality, and sanity. That's the way the world is. Someone's gonna yell at you at some point! You're allowed to feel bad, but don't take it seriously and don't let it get to you. Her opinion of you doesn't actually count.

I really think that by tomorrow morning, if not for this thread, you will have forgotten the whole thing or it will have faded into something much less significant.

amother

Babypink

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 12:50 am

If her marital status had nothing to do with your vent, then why did you mention it, more than once? And why did you have to compare this "girl" to yourself as a "married woman with a child" as if that means something?

amother

cornflower

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 12:51 am

Enneamom, thank you so much for your reply. So well said. I appreciate it.

oliveoil

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 12:53 am

amother wrote:

THIS.

[Insult deleted by Mod] Let's be nice! Rubber Duck as Mod

enneamom

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 12:54 am

oliveoil wrote:

THIS.

[Insult deleted.]

Way to kick someone when they're down
Rolling Eyes

oliveoil

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 12:59 am

enneamom wrote:

Way to kick someone when they're down
Rolling Eyes

Anytime.

amother

cornflower

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 1:01 am

Babypink and everyone else who's gonna bring up the same thing,
I understand where youre all coming from and why you think I meant it in a mean way. I didn't mean it that way at all.
Our marital status' are not the point here! I mentioned it to bring out that im also super busy, not that she isnt. I dont really know how to explain it in other words...lol I can keep trying. Im the biggest believer that you never know whats going on by the other person and im not judging her for the fact that shes single. It doesn't mean that shes sitting and twiddling her thumbs.
My mentioning that im married with a child is simply my own feelings of being overwhelmed with everything that has to get done.
I don't look down at her that shes single at all. And in no way do I think im better than her because im married or because I'm a mother. I wish for her to be in that position one day.
Hope you all understand what im trying to say...

amother

cornflower

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 1:05 am

Oliveoil,
I dont have bigger problems. The reason why I was so upset is because I would never speak to anyone the way that she spoke to me. So I have a hard time wrapping my mind around how a person could treat another person that way.
In fact, the way youre acting is rude and shows who you are and the "bigger problems" that you have. Hiding behind a screen name doesnt give you the right to say whatever you want.

ohmygosh

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 1:06 am

oliveoil wrote:

THIS.

Also, if this interaction made you cry for 20 minutes, you have bigger problems.

SO rude.

The point of OPs post was not the single vs married thing. So she mentioned it as a by-the-way. Big deal. So you think it was a poor choice of her to mention. Ok. She got the point. If you choose to focus only on that, you're missing the bigger picture and the point of the whole post.

OP, sounds like both you and your neighbor are under some stress right now. I say, do your best to give her the benefit of the doubt. It will ultimately make you feel better about the interaction.

amother

cornflower

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 1:11 am

Thank you ohmygosh! Youre so sweet !