My really really mean neighbor

oliveoil

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 1:11 am

amother wrote:

In fact, the way youre acting is rude and shows who you are and the "bigger problems" that you have. Hiding behind a screen name doesnt give you the right to say whatever you want.

Hey, you're the one hiding behind amother.

I never claimed to be nice. No great revelation there.

amother

Pumpkin

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 1:26 am

Op, I only have 2 babies and my neighbor has 4. We also share a laundry room. She is constantly leaving her stuff in the washing machine for long periods of time, and she always ties up both machines. It's so frustrating because I have such a small window to do laundry. I hope she doesn't think that because she has more children and I less, that she's busier than me and I shouldn't be annoyed at what she is doing.
Today you were 2 minutes late. Your going to tell me you were never late with her waiting before this incident?
Also, she doesn't know you never eat shabbos meals at home. She just knows you never spoke to her, or reached out to her, maybe she feels that you think you are better than her.

amother

cornflower

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 1:31 am

Amother pumpkin,
I've actually never done the laundry the same time as her so its been the first time this happened.
I always stay home when I do laundry so that I can be on time downstairs, which I always am. I share the same frustration as you! I set aside time for my laundry and ive had to wait up to 20 minutes for people which sets my whole day off. Tonight I happened to have ran out and came back 2 minutes late.
I hear your point about me not reaching out...thanks.

enneamom

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 1:34 am

amother wrote:

I just re-read the OP, and the part that begins with "besides she's single" makes it really hard for me to believe that wasn't a huge part of your vent.

Oh please. Leave her alone.

When we're upset at someone, we tend to exacerbate the ways that they're different than us. "What a typical man, he doesn't get it" "These kids are acting so immature!" "That chassidish boy just pushed past me!" We might not do it if we were angels, but we're not angels. It's human nature, a subconscious defense mechanism that most people don't even notice, especially when they're the victim. It affirms the offender's "other-ness".

She wasn't ranting about singles or anything like that. Just let it be. Don't pick apart the words of someone who is hurting simply because you have nothing better to do.

momnaturally

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 2:17 am

Op don't be so defensive to all your bashers here. Just reading your posts and their posts I would run to be your friend and be very wary of them. I would probably be friends with that single girl faster than them. She probably was just upset at the moment and it got the best of her. The posters here have no personal reason to bash you when all you did was to come here for some sympathy and deservedly so. No one feels good after be treated like that especially for not even doing anything wrong.
Shame on you all you bashers ! Go ahead and bash me instead ! I have tougher skin than op and we can have it out ! So there !
And that means a fair battle too !
No amothers ! screen names only !

amother

Pumpkin

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 3:17 am

amother wrote:

Hoenslty, if it's the first time it happened and it was 2 min, her reacting that way is over the top and uncalled for.

naomi2

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 4:01 am

Op the way she spoke to you was very hurtful. If it were me, I would cry too. Then I would try to imagine how hurt she must be that would make her behave like that. I have an especially soft spot in my heart for single ppl. I garantee the pain of her words pales in comparison to the constant thought of having to go into pesach alone, again. That thought alone would be enough to find compassion to push away the hurt from her words. Maybe you can use this as an opportunity as an exercise in ahavas Yisroel, when it's especially difficult, in honor of pesach.

amother

Jetblack

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 5:58 am

Some people dont get it that calling out on someones single state is rude. I have single sisters and know their pain but when they get comments from marrieds like oh you can afford to chip in more for a gift for so and so it hurts but they harbor no ill will as many dont understand 'single etiquette' and that's life...
Please don't bash op. She is clueless not heartless
Op sorry for your bad encounter. Realize your life is full of brocha and you should just be nice to the girl. You mustv gotton married right away so you never had the moment to appreciate it. Being single is hell I assure u. Btdt. Just be nice...

amother

Purple

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 7:15 am

While I definitely understand your hurt feelings from being yelled at for "only 2 min" late, you should still accept that you were late. She is also is also busy and she probably waits many times for ppl. But, she's pointing out that you were late. That doesn't make her very very mean.

Yes maybe she should've overlooked it BC its small amount of time but she doesn't have to. Also, in your post, you made it seem like you at busier BC you are married and she is single.

why bring it up at all?? You dont need to defend yourself to me but deep down you can ask yourself if you really think you are judging her as "less busy" because she's single so you expected her to be more understanding of a married woman with kids.

I'm sorry you were feeling down about this. It doesn't feel good to be yelled at even if the person was correct.

amother

Peach

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 8:42 am

I completely empathise in that I am the type to also get really upset when someone yells at me like that. I would just assume she is having a really bad day. Pesach must be so hard when single. Its possible she feels ignored by you? You know enough about her to know her marital status but yet you never talk to each other. Do you say hi and she ignores you?

She doesn't sound really really mean. Just stressed and rude. She might feel bad about it.

Not to be mean but I 'm laughing that you think you are busy. I assume you are invited out for yom tov meals if you never eat at home on shabbos. (also, you have time to go out for take out instead of sending your husband alone....) I have 6 kids, making huge sedarim and guests all the other meals. I don't really have time to breathe the last 2 weeks. (taking small chocolate and imamother breaks throughout the day) We also have crazy minhagim and I make everything from scratch.

watergirl

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 8:50 am

amother wrote:

The last paragraph of your post is unnesassary and competitive and ”oneupmanship”. Maybe she is away every shabbos because they work in a group home? Or help a sick parent each shabbos? Whats on her plate is busy for her. No need to laugh and compare.

amother

Yellow

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 9:18 am

I think your neighbor was really wrong to talk to u like that. Its not a way to talk to a neighbor. Yes it is annoying when ppl are late and hold up the line... but seriously almost everyone has done it. Sharing a washing machine in the basement of a building is really not idea.

That being said, crying for 20 minutes sounds like somewhat of an overreaction. Why are u so sensitive to an offhand comment? I would definitely be upset but let it go. Her problem, not yours. I also agree that its a little judgmental bringing in the single vs. married. Yesu may be right, but it still doesnt sound so nice.

amother

Sapphire

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 9:20 am

mommy27 wrote:

I'm curious, not having had to share a washer before, how you're allowed to use both at once?

because it would be terribly frustrating to show up to a laundry room and not use both machines if they are available - just in case some else shows up. The rule would be broken all the time.

tweety1

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 9:23 am

I didn't read any answers here, but I have to say this " welcome to the 'living in a building' world" I have a neighbor who wants to treat the building as her private house. I told her numerous times (cuz she wanted me to join in a complaint) you bought a condo, living in a condo complex, and want private house treatment??
Op, some ppl can be extremely rude. From your post it sounds like she was just having a hard day but having a hard day still doesn't excuse that kind of a reaction.