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-> Household Management
-> Finances
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amother
Floralwhite
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 Thu, Mar 29 2018, 10:47 am
We are in debt and have no extra money for anything, mostly when I need to buy something it goes on the credit card adding to our debt. I work at a low paying job and dh works really hard and is almost never home. I am however planning to stop working because it is so crazy for both parents to work. I want to be available for my family and not have to send my baby to a babysitter. Is that crazy irresponsible?
And how bad is it that my sister whose finance situation is way worse than mine keeps putting out money for me when I'm stuck because my dh doesn't give me money? I feel really stupid taking from her.... I should be giving to her!
I thought that if I work I'll have more money but I still don't have a penny. I don't see a cent of what I make it goes straight to rent and bills. I'm not complaining about that I just wish I'd see that if I work I'll have more!
I'd like to be self sufficient somewhat (and have my own money to use as I need) but that isn't happening anytime soon.
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amother
Tangerine
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Thu, Mar 29 2018, 10:55 am
sounds like because you work you see the rented roof over your head - that's a good thing to see.
why does't your husband give you money? Is there money for him to give you? Or does he use his earnings to pay down debt and bills exclusively?
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TwinsMommy
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Thu, Mar 29 2018, 10:56 am
if you stop working, will you stop using the sitter? will you not need work clothes? will you have time to bake from scratch and not get take out and shop at multiple stores for sales? In the long run will you EARN more money from staying home than by working? If so, it makes sense.
Or--- are you making more than you pay the sitter and already not spending much on take out or work clothes, etc?
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lfab
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Thu, Mar 29 2018, 11:04 am
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You need to do the math. If right now you earn enough to cover childcare, rent, and any other bills and by not working you will not be able to cover rent and/or those other bills then yes it's irresponsible. I know that's not the answer you probably wanted to hear but it's the truth. I knew it can be very frustrating to feel like your are working really hard and barely bringing home a pay check. But if your salary covers important expenses then you can't just wuit without having a plan in place to cover those bills.
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amother
Emerald
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Thu, Mar 29 2018, 11:07 am
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Op I believe many moms here will not like your attitude. However I believe and according to the torah that you are correct. Why don't you learn chovos halvavos shaar bitachon. You will get clarity there.
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shoshanim999
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Thu, Mar 29 2018, 11:07 am
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When you say your husband doesn't give you money, what is the reason for that? Is he buying fancy clothes and leasing fancy cars, or is he using the money he earns to buy food and pay rent? It's nice to not work and "be there for your family", but if you stop working will your already difficult financial situation get worse? Unless you say that almost all your salary is going to your sitter I don't see how someone in your situation should stop working. Others in your predicament might post here asking for suggestions on how to work more. You're suggesting the opposite.
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saw50st8
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Thu, Mar 29 2018, 11:10 am
Generally, yes, it's a poor decision to stop working when you can't financially make it already.
Can you figure out a way to earn an income at home? Can you babysit in your home?
It sounds like your family needs a long term plan though. You have young children, debt and a low paying job.
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SixOfWands
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Thu, Mar 29 2018, 11:50 am
| amother wrote: | We are in debt and have no extra money for anything, mostly when I need to buy something it goes on the credit card adding to our debt. I work at a low paying job and dh works really hard and is almost never home. I am however planning to stop working because it is so crazy for both parents to work. I want to be available for my family and not have to send my baby to a babysitter. Is that crazy irresponsible?
And how bad is it that my sister whose finance situation is way worse than mine keeps putting out money for me when I'm stuck because my dh doesn't give me money? I feel really stupid taking from her.... I should be giving to her!
I thought that if I work I'll have more money but I still don't have a penny. I don't see a cent of what I make it goes straight to rent and bills. I'm not complaining about that I just wish I'd see that if I work I'll have more!
I'd like to be self sufficient somewhat (and have my own money to use as I need) but that isn't happening anytime soon. |
Yes, its irresponsible.
You claim that you "don't see a cent of what [you] make it goes straight to rent and bills." Did you think that working would buy you jewels and Louboutins? You see that money every time you walk into your home, and every time you turn on the lights. Without it, who is going to pay the rent? Who is going to pay your utilities? You've already told us that your husband works hard, but its not making ends meet.
You have a responsibility to your children to provide for them, and quitting your job, so that you cannot pay your pills, is utterly irresponsible to them.
You do need a plan for the future, as to how to get out from under. Because clearly either you or your husband need to make more money, not less.
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SixOfWands
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Thu, Mar 29 2018, 11:51 am
| amother wrote: | | Op I believe many moms here will not like your attitude. However I believe and according to the torah that you are correct. Why don't you learn chovos halvavos shaar bitachon. You will get clarity there. |
Can the OP PM you with her address, so you know where to send the rent money?
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oliveoil
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Thu, Mar 29 2018, 12:01 pm
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How irresponsible is it? Highly.
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mha3484
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Thu, Mar 29 2018, 12:15 pm
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The other issue is that if you quit your job at this stage of your life, when you move to the next stage when your kids are older and you need to re-enter the workforce you will face significant challenges that are very hard to overcome.
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amother
Floralwhite
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Thu, Mar 29 2018, 12:19 pm
Here's the thing dh likes nice stuff and leased a nice car and buys nice stuff here and there but then he'll say he didn't get himself new shoes cuz there's no money so I shouldn't talk about buying anything. I realize that he's under a lot of pressure and I admire him for working so hard and I am happy for him to get a car he likes but I'd like to be able to take my sister to the ice cream store for her birthday without her paying! And because we're both working he's never available!
I told him at one point that he should go to kollel then at least he'd be available.
I don't want to be irresponsible. My job pays for tuition and rent so I guess it's more than I'd save if I didn't work. But we often end up buying takeout because I'm overwhelmed and though I don't have cleaning help my house is always a wreck.
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amother
Floralwhite
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Thu, Mar 29 2018, 12:21 pm
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And a little bit I do want to have bitachon that Hashem will give us the money we need through dhs work.....
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amother
Cerise
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Thu, Mar 29 2018, 12:21 pm
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Do whatever you want, but don't take other people's money, especially from someone who you know is worse off than you. I just can't imagine doing that to my own sister.
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amother
Tangerine
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Thu, Mar 29 2018, 12:26 pm
| amother wrote: | Here's the thing dh likes nice stuff and leased a nice car and buys nice stuff here and there but then he'll say he didn't get himself new shoes cuz there's no money so I shouldn't talk about buying anything. I realize that he's under a lot of pressure and I admire him for working so hard and I am happy for him to get a car he likes but I'd like to be able to take my sister to the ice cream store for her birthday without her paying! And because we're both working he's never available!
I told him at one point that he should go to kollel then at least he'd be available.
I don't want to be irresponsible. My job pays for tuition and rent so I guess it's more than I'd save if I didn't work. But we often end up buying takeout because I'm overwhelmed and though I don't have cleaning help my house is always a wreck. |
its nonsense that one person who works has to use their money exclusively to cover household bills, and the other person is allowed to keep some money for 'extras'.
Doesn't matter that he makes more money than you.
If between the two of you there is money for extras, you both should get the extras.
what if you contributed 95% of your salary to household expenses and held back 5% for things like ice-cream.... what would happen?
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mha3484
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Thu, Mar 29 2018, 12:31 pm
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I agree with tangerine. I make 95% of our income and DH and I both get to enjoy a small treat here or there. Its kind of icky for me to get a coffee before work but tell him he cant have one. Hes not slacking off he just has different responsibilities then I do these days.
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Blessing1
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Thu, Mar 29 2018, 12:36 pm
Op, it sounds like the problem isn't your working, it is that u & DH aren't on the same page. He can't lease a fancy car when you don't have money. He is supposed to provide for the family. It sounds like you're living 2 separate lives financially, I pay for my stuff & you pay for yours.....
Last edited by Blessing1 on Thu, Mar 29 2018, 6:23 pm; edited 1 time in total
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watergirl
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Thu, Mar 29 2018, 12:41 pm
You said your job pays tuition and rent (so I am assuming it also covers what you loay the sitter because there is enough left over after paying her to cover rent and tuition!) and you also said you dont see the money you earn? You see it every day! Good for you for stepping up and providing.
The concern is that he isnt giving you money.
How will quitting your job help? Who will pay tuition and rent?
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pesek zman
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Thu, Mar 29 2018, 12:52 pm
It's so crazy for both parents to be working? Then it's a crazy world we live in because that's absolutely the norm in my life
Irresponsible doesn't begin to describe your attitude. Naive also does not
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Purple2
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Thu, Mar 29 2018, 12:57 pm
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Wow emerald amother. Great advice. Does sitting home and learning shaar bitachon pay the bills? We call that a chassid shoteh.
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