4 year old comes into our room at 11 pm each night

amother

Smokey

Sat, Apr 07 2018, 8:41 pm

He goes to sleep nicely in his own bed at bedtime, and listens to a story or music until he falls asleep.
The past few weeks he's been waking up at 10-11 pm and insisting on sleeping in our room on the floor. He makes up excuses (claims his bed hurts, the carpet on his floor hurts...) and starts crying if we say no.
I don't have a problem with it except that my husband and I would like to be able to have s-x a few times a week, which is usually around 10-11 pm, just when my son walks into our room..
If we lock the door he will just kick and scream and wake the other kids (including baby).
How can I get him to sleep in his own room???
It used to be that he came in at 5 am and slept in our room until 6 or 7, which I don't mind at all. I don't think a chart will work; he said he doesn't want one, though I'll try again.

amother

Mustard

Sat, Apr 07 2018, 9:34 pm

It may mean putting a hold on ur love life for a week.
But I highly recommend you do the following.
every night, walk him back to his room.
And firmly and lovingly tell him “this is your room, mommy an tatty are right next door, everything is ok. Your room is fine. But im sorry you cannot come to our room”
After about a week or 2 of really really sticking to it. He will listen.

perquacky

Sat, Apr 07 2018, 9:53 pm

I totally agree with what the amother above said. Take him back to his room as many times as you need to each night for as many nights as it takes. You may be exhausted in the morning, but he needs to learn to stay in his own bed. You'll all be happier in the long run. And you'll have all the time you need with your husband.

amother

Saddlebrown

Sat, Apr 07 2018, 9:54 pm

Is he willing to move into another sibling's room instead of yours? Have a blanket set up on the floor of the room you want him in, and explain the new rule to him.

amother

Mustard

Sat, Apr 07 2018, 10:02 pm

amother wrote:

Is he willing to move into another sibling's room instead of yours? Have a blanket set up on the floor of the room you want him in, and explain the new rule to him.

Willing?!? Are we asking a 4 year old his opinion?
Mommy said something and thats final.
You cant allow a child to just roam the house in middle of the night finding a room that works for him.
If you allow him going to a siblings room, that’s still giving in.
If youd like, (though I dont recommend it, cuz I think you’re still giving him too much power)
you can discuss it with him, and see if sleeping with a sibling will make him happy. If he says yes.
you must tell him- “from now on, your sleeping with meir.
This is your room from the night until the morning, if you wake up in middle of the night- your back in your room!”

amother

Saddlebrown

Sat, Apr 07 2018, 10:11 pm

amother wrote:

It seems as though your ultimate goal is to show the child who holds the power in this relationship. Other parents have different goals.

amother

Khaki

Sat, Apr 07 2018, 11:26 pm

Not everything is about us or control. Before you start with firmness. Make sure you child needs are met. Both physically and emotionally. Maybe he needs a little later bedtime, maybe he's hungry, maybe he's scared. If that's the case figure out why he's afraid of. scared of shadows, noise of you guys going to bed, some other worry. Doesn't like to be alone. Maybe stay with him in his room a few days. Give him a picture of you or some other reminder of you to put under his pillow.

Iymnok

Sun, Apr 08 2018, 8:47 am

Keep a robe handy. Steer him to the bathroom then back to his bed. Kiss an d tuck him in.
Regular night waking at that age is a sign for us that our child is ready to be dry at night.
Big praise in the morning.

ra_mom

Sun, Apr 08 2018, 8:50 am

Iymnok wrote:

I agree. Sit him on the toilet and wait for him to use it even if it takes some time. Then tuck him into bed.

amother

Brown

Sun, Apr 08 2018, 8:56 am

I have the same thing every night with my six-year-old started when she woke up in middle of the night to use the restroom ,claiming that she had a scary dream. every night she comes into our bed. I know this is an excuse because she likes to sleep in our bedroom but I don't know how to get her back into her bed. Imamother mustard this would not work for my daughter. Because we tried it and she wakes up every hour to say that she scared that she can't go back to sleep until she comes into our bedroom. So I do understand why op gives into her child

amother

Plum

Sun, Apr 08 2018, 10:27 am

I think mustard is right. She might not have stated her opinion so eloquently, but this is how you raise disciplined children. This is not about asserting power. It’s about household rules and standards that you stick with unless there are special circumstances (sick, etc. ) we shouldn’t be scared to lay down the law with our children and prohibit certain things. Entering a Parents bed in middle of the night, every night, is disruptive and unnecessary and a bad habit. You want to nip it in the bud, not accommodate and reason with it.
This is what I do:
My bedroom door is locked/ closed. If they come to the door, dh or I go out and settle the child back into bed. In the morning once I’m up, they are welcome to come in and “sleep” with me for a little. (Also, we sleep in the same bed, and it can get kind of hot so... and were yeshivish so as the kids get older its a problem for them to see us dressed and sleeping like that. Rules like this allow us to continue. )

amother

Khaki

Sun, Apr 08 2018, 12:49 pm

Don't let your child sleep in your bed but do find out why the child is Coming to your bed. Sending a scared child back to his bed will not make him loose that fear. If my child is scared they don't come in my bed they feel safe knowing I go to them tuck them in even if it's 2:00am whisper I love you good night. Something is waking the child if it's the same time each night It might enviormental-he hears you going to bed a car outside coming or going. Temperature change on night setting room feels too hot or cold. Or a fear in either case just taking him back to his bed andbleaving will teach him he's not safe your not there for him he's not safe. At his age he might be too young know himself why he's waking up.
And I don't lock the door in my house even my two year old knows she can knock but she can't come in unless I let. The older ones I told they can't come in unless it's a real emergency and they can't get me up any other way

amother

Azure

Sun, Apr 08 2018, 2:53 pm

This is probably not very helpful but I thought I'd post because we have the same thing with our almost 4 year old. She patters in at about 2am and snuggles up in between my DH and I. But I love it!!! She's all warm and cozy and smells all baby-like. We let her stay until morning. Most of the time DH doesn't even realise she's in our bed until he wakes up at 6.
I'm so gonna pay for this when she's 15 and still doing it 🤣🤣