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Buying new clothes for eldest only



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amother
Blonde


 

Post Sun, Apr 08 2018, 3:28 pm
Hi,
I have several girls in close succession. The eldest had a growth spurt and will need a lot of new clothes (shabbos and weekday wear). Should I buy the others something small (clothewise/stationery/game) or is it part of growing up? What is your opinion?
Just out of interest, would you be of different opinion if it was the second or third who suddenly needed a new wardrobe?
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 08 2018, 3:32 pm
I never believe in buying for everyone. I only buy for those that need. It sets up expectations that they are entitled to get.

This is how I was brought up, and this is how my kids are brought up.

I never count what someone else has.
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Stars




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 08 2018, 3:33 pm
What? No. You buy clothes for whoever needs them at the moment.
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amother
Firebrick


 

Post Sun, Apr 08 2018, 3:38 pm
I buy for whomever needs. My girls have an age gap with the older one having a bigger build so the size difference is even more extreme. I don't save one to the other.
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amother
Linen


 

Post Sun, Apr 08 2018, 3:45 pm
Since I can't always afford to buy the kids the clothes they need, I will often try to also get something for the others (which they also need) when a certain child's needs become urgent.

In theory, though, I would buy children clothing as needed only. No need to be "fair."
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 08 2018, 4:01 pm
I only have boys and buy as needed. My oldest is forever growing and constantly needs new clothes and shoes. His brother usually ends up with his hand me downs. I've never purchased a new item for a different kid , so the other isn't jealous. But when I do shop , I check to see if anybody else needs stuff too and I will buy it then if needed. I've had three kids get something and one kid get nothing and I've had one kid get something while the other three get nothing. Its a good way to teach our kids that we don't always get what everyone else gets.
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amother
Maroon


 

Post Sun, Apr 08 2018, 4:13 pm
Clothes aren’t ‘treats’ they are necessities. Purchase/borrow/aquire as needed.... but if you end up buying something really special.... yah I would keep that in mind next time someone else needs something.

I do think parents need to be mindful of special treatment and keeping things ‘even’.
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amother
Ruby


 

Post Sun, Apr 08 2018, 5:17 pm
I definitely buy for each child as needed, especially since I live in a warm climate and my kids' clothing doesn't change much seasonally. I do try to make sure each child has something new and special before YT, even if it's just a new tie or ruffly socks that I bought a couple of months prior and saved.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 08 2018, 5:25 pm
Buy for whoever needs, as needed, but do get a little something for the others.

This reminds me of something a lovely elderly who was the youngest of a number of sisters said: She wore her older sisters' hand-me-downs, and her mother would refresh them with new ribbons or buttons. But once, when her mother was taking an older sister shopping she insisted that she go too: since she was going to wear it somewhere down the line she felt she should have a say in the purchase.
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amother
Natural


 

Post Sun, Apr 08 2018, 5:43 pm
I'm not into my clothes at all . Even so as a child I really resented always having to wear hand me downs from older sisters.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 08 2018, 5:45 pm
amother wrote:
I'm not into my clothes at all . Even so as a child I really resented always having to wear hand me downs from older sisters.


I think hand me downs can be ok, it just can't be the overwhelming bulk of the wardrobe if at all possible.

Not sure why I got a hug.
I will say that one of the greatest incentives for me to lose weight now would be to get my sister's hand-me-downs. I LOVE her style.


Last edited by PinkFridge on Mon, Apr 09 2018, 6:36 am; edited 1 time in total
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Frumwithallergies




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 08 2018, 5:54 pm
Even my oldest gets hand-me downs from others, and other daughters need to wear them after that, so not everything makes it to the last child. (I also lend out to another family in-between DD # 2 and 3; I find that tights and leggings don't last long, so often I buy them (especially before YT) so all my kids can say shehecheyanu.

(I also keep an eye out for sales to buy new / matching ... I often find once per year a skirt or dress that they can all get).
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Bnei Berak 10




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 09 2018, 12:10 am
Frumwithallergies wrote:
Even my oldest gets hand-me downs from others, and other daughters need to wear them after that, so not everything makes it to the last child. (I also lend out to another family in-between DD # 2 and 3; I find that tights and leggings don't last long, so often I buy them (especially before YT) so all my kids can say shehecheyanu.

(I also keep an eye out for sales to buy new / matching ... I often find once per year a skirt or dress that they can all get).


Shehechyanu on tights and leggings? This is new to me. I learned that you can't say it on these items but I guess your Rav holds differently.

And no, in general I would not get something to everyone just because the oldest needed an item. Life isn't fair and fair does not equal that everyone gets the same. The earlier a person learns it the better. I see no virtue in fostering entitlement.
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notshanarishona




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 09 2018, 4:44 am
It is very common for the eldest to get more new clothes than the others since there is no one to give her hand me downs. As a kid, I resented it, and most probably most kids do but nothing to do about it.
Just try to make sure she doesn't show off .
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pause




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 09 2018, 6:11 am
notshanarishona wrote:
It is very common for the eldest to get more new clothes than the others since there is no one to give her hand me downs. As a kid, I resented it, and most probably most kids do but nothing to do about it.
Just try to make sure she doesn't show off .

You can do something. Every child is entitled to feeling worthwhile, that they get new clothes that fit them, that look good on them, that work with their figure...

My opinion is that even if you do hand-me-downs, each child should still have at least one brand new article of clothing per season or per year that was bought *for* them.
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ora_43




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 09 2018, 6:36 am
amother wrote:
Hi,
I have several girls in close succession. The eldest had a growth spurt and will need a lot of new clothes (shabbos and weekday wear). Should I buy the others something small (clothewise/stationery/game) or is it part of growing up? What is your opinion?
Just out of interest, would you be of different opinion if it was the second or third who suddenly needed a new wardrobe?

My opinion is, it depends what you can afford. And what they already have.

If you can afford to get all the kids something small, I would. But I'd make it an item of clothing they will actually use. So that it's more of a small gesture that shows you understand that younger siblings should get some new clothes, too, than a statement that if one kid gets something new, everyone should.

That said, if the younger girls already have mostly new-to-them clothes, I'd skip getting them anything new this time.

All just MHO.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 09 2018, 6:42 am
My two oldest girls are three years apart, but for years they were one size apart in clothing. That meant that everything I bought for DD#1 fit DD#2 nicely the next year.

What I did was, for every Yom Tov DD#2 got something new, and the rest was past down from her older sister (and it was all nice, and in good condition - I knew I was getting twice the bang for my buck, and found it worthwhile to buy nicer stuff that lasted double.)

When I bought her a new outfit, I used to tell her that I want it to be something special, just for her. I often took her out of school for that special shopping trip (so that we could visit stores that were not crowded, and get good customer service) and topped it off with icecream or pizza before taking her back, so it was special time just for the two of us.

In this way, I never heard resentment from her for wearing her older sister's clothes, because she always got something special for herself, and she had nice hand-me-downs for the rest of her wardrobe.
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hannah22




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 09 2018, 2:01 pm
I don't have children but I think it's fine to buy your eldest child and not the others, as they don't need new clothes yet. It's a good way to learn that those who need more have greatest priority at that time.
That is not to say that clothes are not something that can be enjoyed and are only a basic of life. If your other children have birthdays coming up for example, then you could buy them a nice item of clothing then.
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amother
Cerulean


 

Post Mon, Apr 09 2018, 3:05 pm
notshanarishona wrote:
It is very common for the eldest to get more new clothes than the others since there is no one to give her hand me downs. As a kid, I resented it, and most probably most kids do but nothing to do about it.
Just try to make sure she doesn't show off .


This! I would never do it to my kids, since I know the horrible feeling of it.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 09 2018, 3:23 pm
In general, I buy "as needed." But if one person is ALWAYS getting the new things (e.g. the oldest gets new and then everything gets handed down to the next) then I go out of my way to make sure the other has at least something new each season or now-and-then so she doesn't have to feel like she never gets anything herself. If she has everything she needs from hand-me-downs then I just get whatever's on clearance sale.
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