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SuperWify









  


Post  Thu, Apr 12 2018, 7:17 am
We’ve all have them. Because we all need them. You know what they say, happy Mommy, happy home. And on the flipside- if Mom’s not happy- ain’t nobody happy!

For some, it’s a weekly manicure or massage, for others, it’s a brisk daily walk. Some have full time cleaning help or an nanny while others prefer 15 minutes of just alone time. Some eat on plastic paper goods only and buy takeout for shabbos, others have a weekly date-night at a posh restaurant or a coffee break with friends.

For me it’s a second car- even though we’re in kollel- and full time babysitting for my LO- even though I work part-time. These things make my life manageable. Yes, I get many comments, “Your so spoiled you have two cars?!” “Whaaat, you send your baby out ALL day??” (Can’t do it any other way, DH learns OOT and I work in town. The other option would be staying home with the baby and not working which isn’t good for my sanity- or pocket- at all. Why I send him out all day- I have 3 hours in the morning to do my errands, clean the house and prep supper in peace. But hey, why am I excusing myself? This thread is all about being honest about the things we need that others feel are luxuries.)

When I want to feel good I go to the gym or get a manicure. If I make Shabbos, DH knows I expect the Ami!

What are yours?
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salt









  


Post  Thu, Apr 12 2018, 7:32 am
This is going to get in to a philosophical discussion about a luxury for some being a necessity for others.
You say a second car is a luxury. About 50% of the people where I live don't have a car.
For me my one car is a luxury.
For some people live-in cleaning help is a necessity.
For some, a couch is a luxury - we lived without a couch for our first year of marriage. We sat on plastic chairs. When we moved and bought a couch, it was such a luxury.
Now I don't consider a couch a luxury - it's just a piece of furniture.

If you work, why do you consider a babysitter for you child a luxury? What's the other option. Taking him to work with you?
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thunderstorm









  


Post  Thu, Apr 12 2018, 7:37 am
Plants and flowers,(not cut flowers) are the things I splurge on. I don't have a cleaning lady, a second car, don't get manis and pedis, or go out to posh restaurants . But if I see a plant I like or flowers that I can hang in planters , I treat myself to a variety and put them around my house and on my porches etc . It just brings me peace and tranquility. I love nature.
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Teomima









  


Post  Thu, Apr 12 2018, 7:41 am
Being a SAHM. For over a decade I supported my family on my own while my husband was in university. But now,being available for my children, being able to take care of them when they're sick, spend quality time with my babies when they're still home, being able to schedule appointments and run errands without having to sacrifice work or family time, to me that's a huge luxury, and I feel privileged for the opportunity.
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Zehava









  


Post  Thu, Apr 12 2018, 7:43 am
Beautiful vacation once a year. We travel at other times, with the kids, dh himself, but once a year dh and I go to an exotic place. It gives me a boost for the entire year.
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SuperWify









  


Post  Thu, Apr 12 2018, 7:46 am
salt wrote:
This is going to get in to a philosophical discussion about a luxury for some being a necessity for others.
You say a second car is a luxury. About 50% of the people where I live don't have a car.
For me my one car is a luxury.
For some people live-in cleaning help is a necessity.
For some, a couch is a luxury - we lived without a couch for our first year of marriage. We sat on plastic chairs. When we moved and bought a couch, it was such a luxury.
Now I don't consider a couch a luxury - it's just a piece of furniture.

If you work, why do you consider a babysitter for you child a luxury? What's the other option. Taking him to work with you?


I hear you.

Are you in Israel? Because there you can manage without a car. I’m in Lakewood and there is no public transportation.

Sorry if I wasn’t clear- I work only in the afternoon and send my baby out all day.
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SuperWify









  


Post  Thu, Apr 12 2018, 7:47 am
Zehava wrote:
Beautiful vacation once a year. We travel at other times, with the kids, dh himself, but once a year dh and I go to an exotic place. It gives me a boost for the entire year.


Love it! How long do you go for and who watches he kids?
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Tzutzie









  


Post  Thu, Apr 12 2018, 8:07 am
salt wrote:
This is going to get in to a philosophical discussion about a luxury for some being a necessity for others.
You say a second car is a luxury. About 50% of the people where I live don't have a car.
For me my one car is a luxury.
For some people live-in cleaning help is a necessity.
For some, a couch is a luxury - we lived without a couch for our first year of marriage. We sat on plastic chairs. When we moved and bought a couch, it was such a luxury.
Now I don't consider a couch a luxury - it's just a piece of furniture.

If you work, why do you consider a babysitter for you child a luxury? What's the other option. Taking him to work with you?


Ha. We didn't have a couch for the first 5 year. 3 years later and a cheap couch, it still feels like a luxury.

We didn't have a car for the first 3 years.
With keh a very large extended family and looots of simchas in different cities/towns and dh whorking past midnight..... we bought a car.
We lived in the city where a car I'd a luxuries for most young couples. We bought an old beat-up up car that actually moved. Lol.
We moved a 3 hour round trip commute for dhs workplace. So we needed a reliable car. Now we have a lease.

I don't do manis pedi, vacations....

Mine are little home decorations... An $8 bedskirt for my kids room. Or a nice canvas for $5 on zullily. For my kids room.

For living and dining room and master bedroom I'm waiting till we can afford something nicer.

But our real luxury is our home. There angry many ppl our age who own a home. We need to maintain it.
So paying someone to fix and maintain our property. Feels like a luxury. Instead of mowing or huge backyard and front lawn, amd maintaining the trees and shrubs, we pay someone to do it.
But really those things aren't what I can do myself. But it still feels like a luxury.
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Zehava









  


Post  Thu, Apr 12 2018, 8:17 am
SuperWify wrote:
Love it! How long do you go for and who watches he kids?

A week to ten days depending on how far we go.
Toddlers go to a babysitter and older children to family and friends.
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allthingsblue









  


Post  Thu, Apr 12 2018, 8:23 am
K cup coffee
Gym
Comfy slippers
Cleaning help - a little more than strictly needed
Therapy 😎
A luxury that I can't bring myself to buy but wish I could is precleaned, prechecked chicken soup vegetables and greens.
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SuperWify









  


Post  Thu, Apr 12 2018, 8:30 am
allthingsblue wrote:

A luxury that I can't bring myself to buy but wish I could is precleaned, prechecked chicken soup vegetables and greens.


Ha! That’s so funny you mentioned that! One Erev shabbos I was running really late so I told DH to buy a bag of chicken bones and the pre-checked vegetables from Seasons- the first time I ever did that! Well the soup came out better than it ever did and DH forbid me from ever making soup any other way. So that’s a luxury I can justify!
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pesek zman









  


Post  Thu, Apr 12 2018, 8:31 am
This thread is fascinating. I've never thought of it but I guess I live (choose to live?) an ascetic lifestyle: I can't think of any luxuries. I don't have cleaning help, I don't get mani/pedi/etc. We sit on a decrepit couch that looks terrible but feels comfy so who really cares?

Large part is $$ (my husband is in and out of work, presently out) but the other part is personality and how I was raised. I wasn't raised to 'love myself' (please don't read that literally. Rather to baby myself or treat myself with kid gloves) I was raised to be efficient and resilient and I am. I have a hard time being good to myself (buying luxuries) for no other reason. Equally hard time letting others do so for me.

This thread is very interesting
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ariela









  


Post  Thu, Apr 12 2018, 8:43 am
15 hours cleaninglady incl babysitting,

massage once a month (a for health reasons, but hey its me time Wink )

weightwatcher group 40 mintes/week

gym 3 times a week (at 10 pm when dH is home to watch kids)

grocery store free delivery (as we dont have a car)

I work part time and have three LO
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simcha2









  


Post  Thu, Apr 12 2018, 8:50 am
Sushi for lunch instead of making myself a sandwich...
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Bnei Berak 10









  


Post  Thu, Apr 12 2018, 9:15 am
Sterling silver items.
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thunderstorm









  


Post  Thu, Apr 12 2018, 9:24 am
pesek zman wrote:
This thread is fascinating. I've never thought of it but I guess I live (choose to live?) an ascetic lifestyle: I can't think of any luxuries. I don't have cleaning help, I don't get mani/pedi/etc. We sit on a decrepit couch that looks terrible but feels comfy so who really cares?

Large part is $$ (my husband is in and out of work, presently out) but the other part is personality and how I was raised. I wasn't raised to 'love myself' (please don't read that literally. Rather to baby myself or treat myself with kid gloves) I was raised to be efficient and resilient and I am. I have a hard time being good to myself (buying luxuries) for no other reason. Equally hard time letting others do so for me.

This thread is very interesting

Maybe your luxuries are not tangible items, but giving yourself breathing space, letting yourself indulge in a book for hours on end, or close yourself in a room to watch a movie... or whatever it may be.
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shoshanim999









  


Post  Thu, Apr 12 2018, 9:25 am
SuperWify wrote:
We’ve all have them. Because we all need them. You know what they say, happy Mommy, happy home. And on the flipside- if Mom’s not happy- ain’t nobody happy!

For some, it’s a weekly manicure or massage, for others, it’s a brisk daily walk. Some have full time cleaning help or an nanny while others prefer 15 minutes of just alone time. Some eat on plastic paper goods only and buy takeout for shabbos, others have a weekly date-night at a posh restaurant or a coffee break with friends.

For me it’s a second car- even though we’re in kollel- and full time babysitting for my LO- even though I work part-time. These things make my life manageable. Yes, I get many comments, “Your so spoiled you have two cars?!” “Whaaat, you send your baby out ALL day??” (Can’t do it any other way, DH learns OOT and I work in town. The other option would be staying home with the baby and not working which isn’t good for my sanity- or pocket- at all. Why I send him out all day- I have 3 hours in the morning to do my errands, clean the house and prep supper in peace. But hey, why am I excusing myself? This thread is all about being honest about the things we need that others feel are luxuries.)

When I want to feel good I go to the gym or get a manicure. If I make Shabbos, DH knows I expect the Ami!

What are yours?



I don't think there's a need to apologize for luxuries. For most people, the type of luxuries they have are in line with their income and affordability. For some very wealthy people, it means going to Israel for sukkos and Italy for pesach. For others it means getting a fancy dessert for shabbos. For you it's 2 cars and fulltime babysitting. If your part time job affords that while your husband is in kollel, then why not enjoy it?
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momX4









  


Post  Thu, Apr 12 2018, 9:25 am
SuperWify wrote:
I hear you.

Are you in Israel? Because there you can manage without a car. I’m in Lakewood and there is no public transportation.

Sorry if I wasn’t clear- I work only in the afternoon and send my baby out all day.


I should have sent my DC to the sitter on the days I didn't work. I worked 3 times a week. I had a baby and was pregnant. I had no time or energy to do anything on my days off. I quit my job and was a SAHM for years.

I also should have bought dinners when I was newly married and working. Coming home at 7, warming up dinner, cooking next night's dinner, getting to know DH was a bit much. There was a takeout near the train station. I never thought of buying dinner.

Now. I buy ready to cook food as often as I need. I buy pizza one or twice a month. I drive a gas guzzler. I need it so I can feel confident driving in the snow.

I wish I had cleaning help. I work, but there isn't enough to afford it now. My house is a mess.
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keym









  


Post  Thu, Apr 12 2018, 9:30 am
For me, sending my kids to daycamp in the summer is a necessity because we both work.
But I pay extra for transportation eventhough technically I could drive carpool. It saves me energy and gives me a half hour to breathe before they pound in.
I have a Binah subscription.
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SuperWify









  


Post  Thu, Apr 12 2018, 9:31 am
Shoshanim999 thank you, I really appreciate that! I was starting to think I’m the most spoiled person in the world after reading everyone else’s responses (ok except for Zehava’s 😆).

MomX4, thanks a ton for your honesty! I know the things I have are for my sanity and shalom bayis but when I get comments it’s hard to remember that sometimes. 😘
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