Hearbroken and terrified by meeting with psych today, need c

byisrael

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 12:54 am

Ok - so basically pysch says restraing him would be ok, he just doesn't want you to do it because kid might get hurt and he's doesn't want you sucked into a legal battle w/ cps, and he is a mandated reporter.

Why don't you ask him if your dh gets certified in HOW to safely restrain your son (here in israel this is possible, don't know about cps) + [/b]you video any actual restraining that happens[b] + you agree to take the risk with him having to report you.

Calling the police could go just as bad as psych reporting you. If you video the entire thing and are doing it right you should be fine . Daven ALOT.

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 12:56 am

Oish, this advice is awful. There are sooooo many more and better options out there. I'd suggest contacting Dr. Becky Bailey from www.consciousdiscipline.com. I use some of her advice on a regular basis and have awesome results. A 10 year old throwing tantrums, even if it means hurting oneself, others or the house, is calling out to tell us something he can not express otherwise. I'm with all of those who don't like the idea of calling the police and I understand you don't know where to turn for help.

imasinger

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 6:38 am

As usual, I was thinking the same as crust -- that maybe this was said to empower parents and family who have been walking on eggshells, not offered as the next step in "treatment."

OP, since you otherwise were impressed with this team, why don't you ask them for clarification?

I agree with byisrael that they may have to say no restraining because they are mandated reporters.

But there are more effective means of consequence anyway.

OP, you said that you are familiar with Ross Greene, and his method didn't work. Have you also come across Howard Glasser's Nurtured Heart Approach? It's worth reading.

amother

Denim

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 7:40 am

Op you offer very little details in ds issues.
So can't really offer advice although we have the issues that you talk about in our child as well and to only lose control once per year I would consider a massive accomplishment.
It does sound like he has pent up frustration from the fact he is not himself outside the house so when he comes home he is just constantly releasing his entire day of stifling.
That is actually quite normal. Imagine you were stifled everyday the whole day your whole life. You would come home a mess too.
Question is why is he stifled the whole day ?

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 8:02 am

amother wrote:

First of all the tantrums are happening once a year but there are other disturbing (to a lesser degree) situations multiple times during the year (ie the entire household walking on eggshells around said child on a daily basis, more "minor" tantrums that are still way out of proportion to whatever it is that's happened...)

Also... is it really so normal to worry about your possessions and other children's physical safety because of your out of control child even if it's not a frequently occurring event? I have a number of other children, and obviously all children are different but you will have to trust me on this, this particular DS's behavior is... concerning (most of all because of the evident pain that he is, not because of what it is doing to me).

How is he in school?

amother

Lavender

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 12:16 pm

byisrael wrote:

Re the bolded. . . yes exactly.

I'm sure he'd be fine with DH getting certified and all the other suggestions you mentioned. Problem is DH is rarely if ever home so it's not a very realistic solution. I'm honestly just hoping it never comes to that (and so far it really hasn't) and am wondering if perhaps we just made it sound worse than it is. He also asked us several times if DS mentioned wanting to, or tried to, hurt himself and I get he needs to ask that as a psych of a kid on meds but it also makes me wonder if he's seeing/thinking something we're not (ftr, the answer each time was no, not at all).

Oh, and I forgot, DS "disappeared" for a bit and I spent around 15 minutes really nervous about him. I finally found him sleeping on my back porch (he was really anxious/upset that we moved the furniture around in his room). The dr said we also need to call the police after not being able to find him for x amount of minutes, which also seemed odd. He doesn't have a history of running away from home (he never has) and . . . is it so unusual to have a heart stopping 15 minutes of not being able to find your child?

It's really just the whole police thing that's throwing me. . .

amother

Lavender

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 12:21 pm

amother wrote:

I just want to put out there that many people suffer a setback in emotional health over Yom Tov, and especially Pesach, so don't lose heart.

DH and I had major issues over Pesach. We went to our Rav/SB counselor who helped the situation a lot, and he also told us that so many people have drama and issues over Pesach. It's true you have to deal with it, but im yirtzeh Hashem getting back into a regular routine helps a tremendous amount. I'm just saying, don't judge him by Pesach. He could have had a temporary setback but still be improving.

Thank you for this post. It absolutely was a setback over Pesach and the truth is, in the long run, it's helpful for us. DS has never been able to articulate (even in therapy etc) what is going on for him and there are several possibilities for a diagnosis. Now that, with the help of the meds, he's had 6+ months of total calmness punctuated (quite glaringly) by Pesach and one other time that he was "off schedule"/things were changed, it seems obvious that it's anxiety related. I'm hoping that now that we have more of an idea of what the issues are for him, we will be more successful figuring out how to deal with it in the future.

amother

Lavender

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 12:26 pm

amother wrote:

I second everything anonymrs said. The Lyme could have been dormant in his body for many years causing only neurological symptoms before it was actually found and treated. In the Lyme community, a very common infection that goes together with Lyme called bartonella is well-known to cause rages. I know it sounds so far-fetched, I used to be a disbeliever too, until I saw with my own eyes how several people I know well whose kids exhibited rage weren't able to fully get rid of it until they treated for pandas and neuro-lyme and other infections that come along with it.

I shlep him to a million drs etc and am only willing to do so again if there is really a strong possibility of it being helpful.

According to your theory, he would have had to acquire Lyme or some other tick borne disease at the age of around 1 (his symptoms have been present since around then), even though we were living abroad at that point in an area where Lyme is not common (although conceivably he could have picked it up on a rare trip to America?) and then developed the physical symptoms only at age 6, was treated (by the same antibiotics that work for Bartonella as well) at that point and it only resolved the physical symptoms but the other ones remained? I'm not asking to be combative, I truly want to know if the scenario I described above makes sense (it clearly doesn't to me but if there's strong feeling that I'm wrong maybe I'll change my mind. . . I just can't be chasing down every remote possibility).

Thanks

amother

Lavender

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 12:29 pm

amother wrote:

OP please don't tell me the psych's last name starts with an S. I pray it's not the man who inflicted decades of pain to our family.

It doesn't.

Also want to reiterate that DS has had a 100% turnaround this week since we spoke to this dr on Sunday and got and followed his advice on how to deal with whatever was going on. I am absolutely not planning on calling the police but I am also not planning on dismissing everything this dr says based on one thing (which I don't think will really turn out to be relevant) that we don't agree on.

amother

Lavender

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 12:31 pm

imasinger wrote:

re the bolded, I absolutely plan on doing that.

I researched the Nurtured Heart Approach as well. . . there's pretty much nothing I haven't tried Crying

amother

Slategray

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 12:35 pm

amother wrote:

I highly suggest you consult with Dr. Susan Schulman. Given his history with active Lyme, his behaviors are very indicative of PANS. The type if temperament he has displayed as a toddler/baby is irrelevant. It is normal behavior to be dysregulated as a toddler;. This type of dysregulated as a ten year old, not appropriate. So I think looking back to his toddler hood is really besides the point. Also, I really question the judgement of this psychologist. It sounds like he is trying to turn your child into a delinquent. Call the police if you can't find him? He's on the porch? Really? He is a child. Not a criminal. I would lose this psychologist fast.

Miri7

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 12:37 pm

amother wrote:

Good to hear. I was about to say to continue with the plan which is being useful, as it sounds like your DS rarely has the intense episodes. It's great that the new plan is working.

Stopping short of calling the police is a good idea. That's what I would do.

I am really curious to know what exactly the psychologist thinks would happen once the police arrive. I am also curious that the psych said he'd have to call CPS if your DH was simply restraining the child during an intense episode and the child got hurt. Mandated reporters don't have to call every time a child is injured by a parent - they have to call if they suspect abuse. I'm glad this psych is giving you useful advice, but I'd be wary of his proclivity for involving CPS and the police.

amother

Jetblack

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 3:54 pm

amother wrote:

All of this is entirely plausible based on the stories I here from the Lyme community. Lyme is notorious for hiding in the body and evading the immune system, all kinds of stressors can trigger it to come out of hiding, often antibiotics will make the acute symptoms go away but actually pushes the spirochetes deeper into hiding as they are very, very resistant.

amother

Jetblack

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 3:56 pm

amother wrote:

Dr. Shulman is a great pandas doctor, but not really pans-and certainly not Lyme-literate. If you are in NYC, Dr Elena Frid is a superb LLMD. Also Dr. Younger in NYU. There are several others in the area, depending on what route you want to take.

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 4:13 pm

amother wrote:

It's really just the whole police thing that's throwing me. . .

Sounds like this therapist is being personally triggered, probably unconsciously, and cannot contain his anxiety, so he's coping with his personal anxiety by talking about calling police. A better idea would be for the therapist to get some supervision. But this doesn't help you, op. Though maybe it can help to have this awareness, that therapist talking about police is his unresolved personal issue and unrelated to your situation.

amother

Maroon

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 4:26 pm

Have seen and dealt with similar over many years.
I would definitely advise no police.
I also would strongly recommend family therapy. Often these kids are just crying out for help. Something in the family dynamic is not working for them. It doesnt mean you are doing anything wrong, just that this kid may not be being heard and seen the way he needs. Sometimes moving the focus from the child to the bigger picture can be a lifesaver.

Also, these things are scary, but just like there is a real danger in minimizing problems, there is real risk in amplifying them. You dont want your ten year old thinking he is damaged goods.