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BesteMama









  


Post  Sun, Apr 15 2018, 9:18 pm
My 2 kids close in age fight too much! Should I leave myself out or not they are equally bad/good and equally strong going nuts
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simba









  


Post  Sun, Apr 15 2018, 9:25 pm
I try and not get involved in my kids fighting. Whoever comes crying to me gets comforted appropriately and a band aid if needed.
If I got involved I would spend a lot of time disciplining and that defeats my goal of a happy home.
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BesteMama









  


Post  Sun, Apr 15 2018, 9:36 pm
So I should just sit there and watch? I feel torn and lost very unpleasant to watch they are both preschool age What’s the secret to no fights or less fights?
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BesteMama









  


Post  Sun, Apr 15 2018, 9:39 pm
I know that not getting too involved is the right thing ( when both equal) but I also know there is some secrets they shouldn’t fight so much and I must find out!
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gibberish









  


Post  Sun, Apr 15 2018, 9:47 pm
My kids fight when they are bored. I give them something constructive to do and the fighting usually dissipates. I try not to get involved in the arguments.
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zebra111









  


Post  Mon, Apr 16 2018, 12:23 am
I second the boredom thing.
As an aside, if ur looking for a useful book I highly recommend siblings without rivalry by adele faber and elaine mazlish
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BesteMama









  


Post  Mon, Apr 16 2018, 12:27 am
No they were very busy with toys today and kept fighting. Silly fights like you threw that toy to the other end of the room bring it back to me no you threw it you bring it...louder louder then hitting..
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amother




Seafoam


Post  Mon, Apr 16 2018, 2:23 am
When I hear my kids talking disrespectfully to each other (or us, the parents) I ask them to change their tone. That doesn't stop arguing, but that wasn't my goal.
I do not allow hands on each other in anger. Ever.
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Teomima









  


Post  Mon, Apr 16 2018, 2:48 am
I'm actually pretty tough on my kids when it comes to fighting (the mantra in my house is "*** and *** are sisters, and sisters share, because sharing is caring"). Absolutely no hitting or throwing toys allowed, fighting over a toy results in me talking the toy away if they can't figure out how to share/take turns, and talking harshly/cruelly to each other is also a hard line. Regular bickering, though, well, that'll happen, and I stay out of it unless someone comes to me crying.

But I only have girls, and I know boys are different in this regard, and I don't know if I'd deal with things differently if I had sons instead of daughters.
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momnaturally









  


Post  Mon, Apr 16 2018, 9:34 am
The time for getting involved in their fights is not as a mediator/referee unless necessary (someone getting hurt or overmatched...)
the time is on an individual level with each child. Read stories and talk about actual ways of having self control, smart ways of conflict resolution etc...
The point is to help each child grow. Sometimes a motivation is necessary but it can also be as simple as a look at them during a quarrel. They can know the look that means "I know you are big enough to work this out in a smarter way"
But that look can only be conveyed to them if enough one on one time was spent discussing smart conflict resolution methods and your confidence in them that they are big enough and smart enough to do it.
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groovy1224









  


Post  Mon, Apr 16 2018, 9:43 am
BesteMama wrote:
So I should just sit there and watch? I feel torn and lost very unpleasant to watch they are both preschool age What’s the secret to no fights or less fights?


The secret to no fights? Having only one kid Very Happy

But seriously, this too shall pass. I find that it's important to set up zones for each to have his/her own play space. This is harder if you live in an apt, but get creative. One can color or do arts and crafts at the table while the other plays lego on the floor. Be proactive about avoiding fights vs dealing with them after they've happened. So if you know your kids will fight over, say, who gets to turn on the faucet (an actual thing my kids fight over) come up with a system BEFOREHAND to deal with it. (I.e. sara on Monday, shloime on tuesday, etc.)

But the main thing that helps is time. They won't fight forever, though it may feel like it.
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BesteMama









  


Post  Mon, Apr 16 2018, 9:29 pm
I have 2 boys. The older one is busy almost all day with clics the younger one breaks the older ones things (and isn’t capable to fix it) any idea how to solve this one?
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momnaturally









  


Post  Tue, Apr 17 2018, 7:54 am
Can you pump up older one and encourage him to teach younger one how to make something (easy) with clics ?
Maybe have a separate set of clics for each of them so he could show him how to do it with his own clics.
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