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Forum
-> Interesting Discussions
Boca00
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 Mon, Apr 16 2018, 8:01 pm
Do you "let" your husband grow his beard? I've heard that many men would love to grow beards (it makes them feel masculine or chashuv or whatever), but their wives don't "let".
While I completely get the sentiment, it makes me wonder... would it be equally ok for a husband to make his wife shave her head (because of taste, not halacha)? What about making her shave other body hair?
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amother
Blue
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Mon, Apr 16 2018, 8:04 pm
I don’t let. He looks 20 years older and it’s gross. He doesn’t really want one anyways.
If he REALLY wanted one then he would have one.
If he wanted me to do something and I was ambivalent then I would do what he wants unless I had a super strong opinion otherwise.
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amother
Gray
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Mon, Apr 16 2018, 8:06 pm
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My husband’s family minhag is never to shave. However, even if that were not true, it’s his face and his choice.
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pesek zman
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Mon, Apr 16 2018, 8:29 pm
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Like during now during sefirah, or ever?
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Boca00
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Mon, Apr 16 2018, 8:30 pm
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Ever. It comes up now because men often want to keep their beards on after sefira.
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amother
Orchid
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Mon, Apr 16 2018, 8:31 pm
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If my hair was long and blond when my husband was dating me, and then 10 years down the line I get tired of dying it and get a short, spiky cut, I think he would be justified in letting me know that he much prefers my hair long and blond. Similarly, my dh had a smooth face when we were dating, and his beard looks and feels really bothersome to me. It makes him look old, it's very dark and makes him look very severe, and it feels really rough and scratchy. So it's not about me "letting", but knowing how I feel, he would rather just keep shaving and stay attractive to me.
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amother
Mustard
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Mon, Apr 16 2018, 8:50 pm
| amother wrote: | | If my hair was long and blond when my husband was dating me, and then 10 years down the line I get tired of dying it and get a short, spiky cut, I think he would be justified in letting me know that he much prefers my hair long and blond. Similarly, my dh had a smooth face when we were dating, and his beard looks and feels really bothersome to me. It makes him look old, it's very dark and makes him look very severe, and it feels really rough and scratchy. So it's not about me "letting", but knowing how I feel, he would rather just keep shaving and stay attractive to me. | same!! Also in my situation, he wants it because he’s lazy to shave - umm, that’s not a valid reason. I’m too lazy to groom too, and I do it anyways!
Another reason he wants it is bec it makes him look chashuv. That reasoning really doesn’t sit well with me. It feels pretentious and fake to wear something because it makes people think you’re holy. If he had a job that demanded that level of additional respect - rebbi, etc. - that’s different. But “Stam” you want to look like a tzadik- do the hard work through your actions, not a superficial display of piety with a beard.
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Water Stones
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Mon, Apr 16 2018, 9:00 pm
Lubavitcher men don't shave the beards, but if he he didn't have to do it and he wanted to, I'd "let" him to do it. But I would tell to him let's try it and see if we like it.
I wish I could see dh whole face with out beard.
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amother
Aquamarine
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Mon, Apr 16 2018, 9:10 pm
My MIL used to say - the beard goes in, and I go out! It's either me or the beard!
My MIL wasn't the type to ask advice from forums lol.
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greenfire
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Mon, Apr 16 2018, 9:12 pm
people get divorced over these things 
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imasinger
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Mon, Apr 16 2018, 10:11 pm
DH and I have an unstated agreement.
He doesn't bother me about my facial hair, and I don't bother him about his.
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amother
Navy
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Mon, Apr 16 2018, 10:44 pm
My husband kept his Sefira beard after we were married 1 yr. I regret 'letting' him cuz it never came back off (9 yrs later). I really really miss smooth cheeks and the beard is scratchy  too late.
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amother
Turquoise
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Mon, Apr 16 2018, 10:46 pm
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To all those people who let their dh’s grow beards-how in the world do you kiss him??? If not for that I wouldn’t care so much. But it is so annoying and itchy when we kiss
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amother
Navy
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Mon, Apr 16 2018, 10:47 pm
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Wanted to add, there was a gadol who said the face is reshus harabim and therefore u should always have a pleasant look on your face. So yes, it's my husband's face but I look at it more than he does so I do think it should look pleasant to me too.
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Boca00
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Mon, Apr 16 2018, 10:49 pm
| amother wrote: | | Wanted to add, there washould a gadol who said the face is reshus harabim and therefore u should always have a pleasant look on your face. So yes, it's my husband's face but I look at it more than he does so I do think it should look pleasant to me too. |
So do you think he should also be able to decide how you shave and what you wear?
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amother
Burgundy
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Mon, Apr 16 2018, 10:51 pm
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My husband grows a beard a few times a year. I absolutely hate it and he knows it but it's his face and I can't make him shave if he doesn't want to. It's mostly laziness on his part because men in our circles are generally clean shaven plus he likes the warmth of the beard in the winter. I don't like the way it looks (makes him look older and scruffy) or feels (I won't kiss him with the beard) but once I've made my opinion clear I don't belabor the point. He will shave for a simcha or special occasion so that's something at least.
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amother
Navy
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Mon, Apr 16 2018, 10:51 pm
| Boca00 wrote: | | So do you think he should also be able to decide how you shave and what you wear? |
1. The parts I shave are not reshus harabim - publicly seen.
2. Yes, to the extent that if I'm wearing something he thinks look bad on me l, he should tell me! I want to look good for him! I sure hope he would!
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amother
Maroon
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Mon, Apr 16 2018, 10:54 pm
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I really dislike beards. After we were married 5 years dh was offered a job as a rebbe during sefira and he never shaved after sefira that year. He looks way younger clean shaven and his beard has some gray hairs in it now and his hair on his head is perfectly blonde. I rarely let him kiss my face cuz it’s just too uncomfortable and scratchy. I am happy that he has a job that he enjoys but I really really really dislike the fact that with the job came the beard.....
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Water Stones
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Mon, Apr 16 2018, 11:19 pm
| amother wrote: | | To all those people who let their dh’s grow beards-how in the world do you kiss him??? If not for that I wouldn’t care so much. But it is so annoying and itchy when we kiss |
I don't know what it like to kiss a man with out a beard and it's ok good, but I wish I could feel what it's like to kiss dh with no beard. I think I'd like it better.
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amother
Aquamarine
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Mon, Apr 16 2018, 11:30 pm
| amother wrote: | | To all those people who let their dh’s grow beards-how in the world do you kiss him??? If not for that I wouldn’t care so much. But it is so annoying and itchy when we kiss |
Well, I've kissed my father, obviously not the same... but I remember when he grew a beard it was much softer and more comfortable. Stubble is not so comfortable either...
And there are different levels of beard. My husband has a cute trim beard.
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