It drives me nuts | Imamother

amother

Lavender

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 11:30 am

my son is really cute and yummy but he always wants me to hold him. He follows me around wherever I go and it really drives me nuts. I try to give him a lot of attention but as soon as I leave him he follows me wherever I go. How do I deal with this?

simcha2

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 11:42 am

Is he your oldest/only?

When my oldest was that age I thought of her as such a big girl, by the time my youngest was that she I realised that 21 months is still a baby.
He wants to be held, reassured and comforted as he navigates the world. It can be difficult to feel that you have no space or time that is yours, but if you change your expectations (This is what needs to be done, me time is after his bedtime) it is easier.

simba

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 11:45 am

Will he be happy if you offer to hold his hand in place of carrying him around? That's my offer when my toddlers get to big/heavy to schlep around.

amother

Lavender

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 11:48 am

simcha2 wrote:

I have a 6 month old which I know he loses attention from that. thanks for ur advice. I just have to try to give him attention while he's up then I'll have my space later on

amother

Lavender

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 11:49 am

simba wrote:

Will he be happy if you offer to hold his hand in place of carrying him around? That's my offer when my toddlers get to big/heavy to schlep around.

I did try that he just wants me to hold him

rgr

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 11:49 am

Bend down to his level and hug him. But keep repeating mommy can't hold you right now. You're a big boy... etc.
There will be tantrums, just hug him but don't pick him up.

southernbubby

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 11:54 am

Can you distract him with a book or a game such as "when you're happy and you know it clap your hands" or "head shoulders knees and toes" or "this little piggy"?

The good thing about that age where children develop a sense of stubbornness is that they are easily distracted. One thing to keep in mind, however, is that sometimes the child is in pain from teeth or ears or constipation or pin-worms and have no way to tell you except to kvetch.

At supper time can you give him a spoon and bowl and something to stir such as a few Cheerios and tell him that he is helping?

Last edited by southernbubby on Wed, Apr 18 2018, 11:55 am; edited 1 time in total

flowerpower

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 12:01 pm

amother wrote:

what do I do when I'm busy making supper? or busy with something else? this is when it happens

I used to let them "help me". I put a chair next to me and he would "peel" some carrots etc. or put a bin of legos or magna tiles or cars... near you and let him play as you are folding laundry etc....

MommyM

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 12:15 pm

amother wrote:

he's 21 months. also I forgot to add he doesn't do this to my husband only to me and kvetches till I pick him up....

Kids are smart. He realizes that if he kvetches enough, you will pick him up. They usually know which parent will give in. I agree with other posters about distracting him. He will still kvetch, but you have to be consistent, and he will eventually realize that you are not giving in because he is kvetching.

amother

Lavender

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 12:31 pm

rgr wrote:

I put my son on a stool nearby and let him "help" . Or bring some toys into the kitchen so he can play near you.
Hope I'm helpful

gonna try this. thanks!

amother

Lavender

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 12:33 pm

MommyM wrote:

I shouldn't feel bad not picking him up, rite? I always end up feeling bad cuz he needs my love so I end up picking him up but then it starts all over again when I put him down

MommyM

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 1:41 pm

amother wrote:

I shouldn't feel bad not picking him up, rite? I always end up feeling bad cuz he needs my love so I end up picking him up but then it starts all over again when I put him down

Reassure him that you are with him and that you love him and tell him that you can't hold him right now. You can also pick him up randomly at other times he doesn't kvetch for a few minutes.

southernbubby

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 1:49 pm

amother wrote:

I shouldn't feel bad not picking him up, rite? I always end up feeling bad cuz he needs my love so I end up picking him up but then it starts all over again when I put him down

The Jewish Press now has a column by X-tian child rearing "expert" John Rosemond that is endorsed by Rav Hershel Schachter. Rosemond has written a lot of books but some of it is from a X-tian perspective but the upshot is that parents can't be pals with their children. We have to teach boundaries. When it is time to grow up, we can't give in to every kvetch to be cared for like a baby and even a baby has to be put down sometimes.

So no, you shouldn't feel bad for not holding him constantly. He needs to learn how to amuse himself. I don't think you can expect a child to amuse himself all day but when you are busy, he has to learn that you and him are two separate people and that is good for him to realize that.

amother

Lavender

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 1:51 pm

southernbubby wrote:

Thanks for that!