Make me less scared of autism

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)

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amother

Silver

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 9:49 pm

We don't have answers yet and no diagnosis but we are in the middle of finding out what's going on and how to help our child. There are some signs that seem like spectrum signs. Autism scares me, probably because I don't understand it and I have a lot of preconceived ideas. I'm still hoping that's not what we're dealing with, but in case it is can anyone here with experience please calm my fears?

amother

Cerise

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 10:09 pm

How old is your child? What are your concerns? Autism is a huge spectrum and can vary greatly from one child to another. What specificly scares you about autism?

creditcards

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 10:12 pm

If it's AUTISM you will get used to it. In the beginning it's scary and sad but you get used to it and it becomes cute. My daughter is the cutest!

amother

Silver

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 10:21 pm

amother wrote:

How old is your child? What are your concerns? Autism is a huge spectrum and can vary greatly from one child to another. What specificly scares you about autism?

He's 2.5 and showing worrisome signs mainly with social/emotional development and communication, some sensory stuff. The fact that autism is a huge spectrum makes it harder for me to figure out what it would mean if this ends up being the cause of his struggles.

amother

Silver

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 10:27 pm

I think if I had to put my concern into a nutshell it's that a lot of the time he seems like he's in his own world and I can't quite reach him. I feel like I don't really know him that well at all even though I spend a lot of time with him and make an effort. He is very interested in things and very excited/focused (on specific things of interest to him, but on nothing else no matter how hard anyone tries). As he gets older I see that his same-age peers are more "present," if that makes sense? Along with this come significant behavioral and safety concerns.

creditcards

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 10:30 pm

amother wrote:

Is he talking anything.
Does he smile to you when you smile to him.
Does he look up to you, if you walk into the room while he is in middle of playing something?
Does he point with his finger to show you something?

amother

Babyblue

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 10:45 pm

If you have fb check out the group nemechek protocol for autism.
My ds was dx'd with autistic tendencies by two months. He got daily therapy from ei for a few months. When he began to engage I fell in love with him. When he was in his own world I felt very sad.

amother

Silver

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 10:47 pm

creditcards wrote:

Talking = yes, but doesn't really have give-and-take kind of talk. He will tell me over and over again about the same specific things. He has a great vocabulary. He can't/won't follow conversations he isn't interested in and he can't/won't answer many simple questions (we think they are simple). We're told that he is a very concrete thinker and anything that is even a little abstract goes over his head. If you tell him, "put this red block in that yellow box" he can do it, no problem. If you tell him, "if you leave the table you are done eating," or "go sit at the table and I will give you a cookie," or "xyz is dangerous, stop!" he does not seem to understand at all. If he does something good and I tell him, "yay! you cleaned up your toys so you get a cookie!" and then I ask him, immediately afterwards, "why did you get a cookie?" he says, "yay! a cookie!" he can't/won't tell you why he got it. Tonight I asked very pointed questions like, "what good thing did you do to get a cookie?" Nothing. Doesn't get it. Same with negative consequences. Does not understand. He has almost a distant look in his eyes when I talk to him about these types of things. I can't hold his eye contact, have to literally hold him still sometimes to try to get his attention (which still rarely works if he is distracted by some other idea he has). He doesn't like to be held or hugged, so a lot of the time he just goes, "no! no! no!" until I let him go.
Smile = yes
Look = sometimes
Point = yes

It's hard for me to understand what his problem is or even to explain it. We are in the middle of getting him help, as I mentioned. Every professional we have seen agrees that he needs help, but what specific help he needs is still being determined. I don't know if it is autism, but it is definitely something, and we need to get him the right help.

amother

Silver

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 10:48 pm

amother wrote:

How did they know at 2 months?

amother

Babyblue

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 10:51 pm

amother wrote:

How did they know at 2 months?

I have no idea how. A whole team evaluated him.

amother

Silver

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 10:56 pm

amother wrote:

I have no idea how. A whole team evaluated him.

What made you get an evaluation? How old is he now and how is he doing now?

amother

Coffee

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 11:01 pm

OP, it's not clear to me that your ds has autism, but I'll tell you this, in case it helps.

My adorable niece was diagnosed with autism before she turned three. She didn't really smile or make eye contact. She didn't use her imagination at all. She sat apart from the other kids at playgroup.

SIL had to push and push for her to get tested because everyone was very dismissive of her concerns. It turns out that she did have autism and the early intervention she received has helped her so much. Her imagination flies all over, it's amazing! (She now can finally lie- haha! It used to be she couldn't even if the truth would get her in trouble; and not that anyone openly encourages it, but secretly I'm so happy that she's come so far.)

Especially at such an early age, the brain can change so much from early intervention. Less than two years later, it's amazing to see how far she's come.

She's the most charming little girl, precocious, hilarious. Yes, of course there are challenges. But if he has autism, your son will still be the same adorable little boy he is. And early intervention can give him life-changing skills, whether it's autism or something else.

zigi

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 11:08 pm

the book building healthy minds. is very helpful. my son had aba and floortime when he was younger bh. he can communicate and share interests there are a lot of scripted conversations but then there also regular one. his interests have widened.
there are social skills and speech therapy etc. I have another child who also used to talk like that.
also maturity they can understand more things once they are older even if it isn't autism per se

Zehava

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 11:18 pm

amother wrote:

It’s very normal for you to be concerned and afraid. Autism is a wide spectrum. Low functioning autism is very hard. High functioning autism can just be a different way of relating to the world.
At this point you should probably just focus on the here and now and how you can help your son. Try not to think too much about the future.

amother

Silver

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 11:45 pm

Zehava wrote:

Thank you. I assume that IF he ends up with a spectrum diagnosis it will be on the high-functioning side. I am more and more concerned as I watch the gap widen between my son's functioning and that of his peers. I am very concerned that he will not be capable of meeting expectations next year in the 3-year old room. He is already not meeting expectations now in the 2-year old room. He seems like a happy kid, but like I said he is in his own world a lot of the time and it is interfering with his ability to relate to others and act appropriately in any setting. I am seeing more anxiety in him as time goes on, and more anger and frustration as well, especially when he experiences consequences he does not understand. I'm "choosing my battles" the best that I can, but when I take his ball because he was throwing it at his brother, and he cried "I want my ball! I want my ball!" and I ask him what he will do with it if I give it back, and he demonstrates with hand motions that he will throw it at his brother again, I can't give it back to him. Then he cries bitterly that he wants his ball. I can try again and again in different words and different ways, but he doesn't seem to understand, and if I DO give him back the ball he goes right back to throwing it at his brother (and I take it away again). It's like he just doesn't get it and I can't figure out how to make him understand.

My immediate focus is helping him NOW, but I do have my eye on the future and I think that whatever this issue is, without intervention it is going to snowball and spill over into other areas as he gets older, academic, social, etc.

amother

Rose

Thu, Apr 19 2018, 12:10 am

Based on your description, he just seems developmentally delayed to me. My son is the same age and cant answer many of the questions you said your son cant. He's been evaluated, getting therapy and has made huge strides in the last few months.

Just 2 months ago he couldnt answer if I asked him what he did that day by Morah. he'd answer: Yellow car because he saw a taxi passing by. His vocabulary and ability to hold conversations has exploded in recent months. It's very possible your son is delayed and will get there.

Chana Miriam S

Thu, Apr 19 2018, 12:15 am

amother wrote:

Is he verbal? Better prognosis with early detection and speech by 3

amother

Silver

Thu, Apr 19 2018, 12:17 am

amother wrote:

Thank you, this is encouraging. I shared only a small snippet of my concerns about him here (I don't want to get too detailed about it online), but I do hope that it'll sort itself out with the right help.

amother

Rose

Thu, Apr 19 2018, 12:25 am

Glad my post gave you hope. Just last week my son started saying things like "I'm sad," "I'm scared" etc. Even though he expressed emotion he'd never SAID non concrete things before. (he'll be 3 in August iyh.) Now he says these things with the cutest faces to match.

amother

Amber

Thu, Apr 19 2018, 12:29 am

My dd is turning 4 and she couldn't tell till recently what she did in school. Yes she's in nursery and she is going to be evaluated soon. But she is definitely a little delayed in ba different way. Socially she is not good with other kids. Though she has improved in so many ways.

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