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How to decide??!-moving
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Thu, Apr 19 2018, 2:12 am
!!!!Okay if someone won’t help me my head is going to explode! We need to move out quick my house is teeny but don’t know where to! I need bigger house but can’t afford one in Brooklyn. So we have 3 options Lakewood monsey or Israel. We have relatives in these 3! Lakewood we will probably have the biggest house monsey is nicer and we know more ppl there Israel we can grow there more with less peer pressure but I’m scared it might be too hard the overseas change on the other hand it’s holy and what’s better? How on earth do I decide this all by myself?!! My dh can’t decide and is even more wishy washy! Help me and I’ll love you..maybe I should just stay put and get teeny bigger than my house? : Idea !!!!!!!
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amother
Gold


 

Post Thu, Apr 19 2018, 7:16 am
More info will help -- first take a deep breath Smile
To start:
With whom are you closest? Where do they live? Parents? Siblings? Do they live in walking distance to areas affordable and desired by you?
How old are your children?
Do you/they speak Hebrew?
Jobs?
What if any are your children's input (depending upon age)?
With whom are they close? Do they have friends in any of these places?
What schools are available in these places?

Hatzlocha
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Thu, Apr 19 2018, 9:23 am
Equally close to ppl in these places. Schools there are good ones in all I guess..kids still lil
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doctorima




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 19 2018, 10:26 am
Assuming you're planning to move this summer, you will have an EXTREMELY difficult time getting your kids into schools in Lakewood or Monsey, so I would choose based on wherever you can find a school that will take you. Israel is a completely different parsha and you have to decide if you're comfortable making Aliyah and raising your family there or not. It's a wonderful option if you can make it work for you.
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Thu, Apr 19 2018, 10:39 am
So how do I know if I’ll be able to handle Israel it’s really nice to be in our holy place and I really want that but scared won’t be able to handle it! About getting into schools I have pull so not so worried. How can other ppl decide? And why only I can’t decide?
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amother
Gold


 

Post Thu, Apr 19 2018, 6:01 pm
have you you and your husband spent time in E"Y?
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Thu, Apr 19 2018, 7:36 pm
Yes but never ever thought of living there and can’t imagine it
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happy12




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 19 2018, 7:46 pm
Pull or no pull,the school has to have room in the class for you child. Most schools are at full capacity.
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amother
Ecru


 

Post Thu, Apr 19 2018, 7:56 pm
amother wrote:
About getting into schools I have pull so not so worried. How can other ppl decide? And why only I can’t decide?
don’t count on pull!! Many people with heavy duty pull have been turned down!
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amother
Tangerine


 

Post Thu, Apr 19 2018, 10:05 pm
Yup. Agree about "pull" not being to help for 99% of the people nowadays. You can be daughter of a big rebbe and still be told no, unless, of course, the your father is one of the actual founders or something similar.
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amother
Indigo


 

Post Thu, Apr 19 2018, 10:10 pm
"Pull" will not help you in Lakewood. Sorry.

My sister is trying to get her daughter into a school and she has major "pull." There is simply no room. The administrator says he's getting white hair from all the harassment. He's in huge debt, classes exploding, and parents driving him crazy to get kids in when THERE IS SIMPLY NO ROOM.
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southernbubby




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 19 2018, 10:12 pm
When I was in Israel in January, I met a Canadian woman in Ramat Beit Shemesh Alef who was trying it out for the year with her 4 daughters who had been put in a Hebrew speaking school despite the fact that they had not spoken Hebrew much prior to that. The woman said that her children were doing well in school and that they were all happy there.

Although long term rentals are not the "norm" in Israel, there are some in Ramat Alef and it pays to rent while you find jobs, attend ulpan, and get adjusted.
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Fri, Apr 20 2018, 1:50 am
Aren’t there opening up new schools/cheder in Lakewood? About Israel can I send my kids to school/cheder for a month? To try it
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Fri, Apr 20 2018, 1:51 am
I feel so bad for that admin in the school
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 20 2018, 2:26 am
amother wrote:
Aren’t there opening up new schools/cheder in Lakewood? About Israel can I send my kids to school/cheder for a month? To try it
Amother, a month will show you nothing in terms of anything. If you are trying out an place, weather it be down the road or 6000 miles away, you would have to give a bit more time than a month. Thats way too short to be able to tell if you will be able to make it or not.

Amother, you wrote that you never thought about living in Israel. In order to move here and live here, you really have to have to have the correct mindset to do that.

Also, do you and / or your husband have jobs that could be done in Israel? How old are your children? All of these things make a big difference.
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amother
Gold


 

Post Fri, Apr 20 2018, 4:52 am
can you take a "sabbatical" year and live in E"Y? Your small children would gain the language and you would have a more realistic view of your options.
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amother
Gold


 

Post Fri, Apr 20 2018, 4:56 am
Slow down and make a list of pros and cons of each place. Call schools and get a realistic view of options. Call realtors and see walking distance rentals to shuls and family. Take it a step at a time and assume your decision will become clear. It can be a tough decision and not immediately clear to many in your situation. Talk to people in these locations and get a feel for what your life would be like. Nothing is in stone. You can make a decision and change it after a year. Not saying it's easy. But too much pressure doesn't help the decision making process. What are your fears? goals? What do those closest to you advise? Whats your gut reaction to living in each of these places?
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amother
Gold


 

Post Fri, Apr 20 2018, 8:13 am
Do you have trouble making decisions in general? If so you might want to see a therapist and use this as an opportunity to make decisions more effectively.

If you were in E"Y and never thought about living there then it sounds to me like you are not motivated or emotionally into moving there just intellectually think it might be best when you say "holiest " or "best place for growth" which is all true just I don't think it sounds like you are ready to take that on in reality and the day to day of living in a new place different language etc and I am all for aliyah but believe in optimizing a positive outcome.
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Mon, Apr 23 2018, 10:00 pm
Wherever I move I want to stay put and be settled can’t play around when have kids it’s enough to switch once school cheder..yes I have very hard time with major decision making and see no way how I can decide 100% either I’ll just go without being fully confident that I’m doing right or I’ll stay put. I need therapy for a lot of things but first wanto move and be settled and then get therapist
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amother
Gold


 

Post Mon, Apr 23 2018, 10:04 pm
you are right there is no such thing as 100% because there are no guarantees we make our best decision do our hishtadlus and daven
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