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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Teenagers and Older children
amother
Babypink
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Sun, Apr 22 2018, 12:58 am
Walking to shul with my DD today, we ended up talking about davening. She tells me she doesn't like to daven. She cites that it's boring (okay, I get it). She knows it all by heart so, in her argument, no reason she needs to do it even more! I say, it takes practice to learn how to connect with Hashem. It takes effort to cultivate a relationship. She says, "what's the point? I am not even sure G-d exists." and she says, "What relationship? If G-d exists, why would He listen to me?"...
I don't know really where to go with that. Our rabbi really isn't the type I can talk to about this. She doesn't like her teachers at school so I can't go to one of them.
When I was a kid, somehow I knew since I was small, there was a G-d. There was no question. But I didn't come from a religious family. I think some people just inherently have an easier time than others. It depends on personality for one.
Any advice?
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amother
Taupe
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Sun, Apr 22 2018, 1:05 am
do for your daughter what you wanted your parents to do for you.
Allow her to find her own way, and accept her just the way she is.
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FranticFrummie
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Sun, Apr 22 2018, 1:12 am
Last year my 14yo DD told me she was an atheist.
I told her that she needs to keep in mind that it's important to respect other people's beliefs and follow house rules, but that's it.
I'm letting her figure things out on her own, and she knows she can always talk to me if she needs to. Meanwhile, I do the best I can to set an expample of living in faith.
Just keep the dialog open. You don't need to have all the answers. Just say "That's a really good question. A lot of really smart people have argued over that for thousands of years."
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momnaturally
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Sun, Apr 22 2018, 1:50 am
I don't think you should just let her figure things out. I think a responsibility of a Jewish parent is either to learn themselves or find someone that she can relate to and is knowledgeable.
I am happy to respond to some questions if you would like I asked a lot of my own already and eventually got some solid answers.
The problem growing up frum sometimes is that we take many things for granted and just do them without any meaning. As opposed to really thinking in to things and doing things after we have thought about what we we want to be doing.
I would start with a few questions.
1. Who created the world how did it happen and why did it happen ?
2. Why was I specifically created ?
3. What happens to people after they die ?
These questions prompt a lot more questions and answers.
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creditcards
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Sun, Apr 22 2018, 2:13 am
Their is a website called ani maamin foundation
http://animaamin.org/news/
Check it out. They might have a lot of answers to her questions. If she is not sure g-d exists she needs proof that g-d exists. You can be in contact with the person running the website and ask for proof that g-d exists. I think he has a whole set of CD's about it. I would purchase it for her and let her listen to it. She needs information. Her brain is thinking and is having questions. Just plain watching you be a role model for her will not answer her many questions she has.
Maybe you can have her be in touch with them and have her speak with someone directly.
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amother
Tan
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Sun, Apr 22 2018, 2:17 am
There are two separate things here - belief, and the relationship with Hashem.
In terms of belief, I think I'd tell her that lots of people who are greater than we are struggled, and that's part of what it means to be a Jew. You don't have to be in a state of perfect faith at all times. You just have to be in the game.
As for the relationship with Hashem, just as we maintain relationships with people, we have to do the same with Hashem. Of course Hashem knows what we're doing, but a relationship is a two-way street and we have to stay in practice. The longer you go without talking, the harder it is to reconnect when you're ready.
Good for you for raising such an intelligent and thoughtful young woman and for making her feel comfortable enough to share her feelings with you.
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